joke time
A man walks into a bordello / hooker bar in New Orleans and says to the madam of the house "I would like to see Madelyn." The madam says "Madelyn is our most expensive woman at a $1000 a night." The guy says "No problem!" and lays down $1000 in cash. Madelyn comes downstairs, they both go back upstairs, they screw around and the man leaves. The next night, the man shows up and requests Madelyn again, throws down $1000, and Madelyn and the guy go upstairs and screw around. After they're done Madelyn tries to make small talk and asks him where he's from. The guy says "I'm from Philadelphia". Madelyn jumps up in surprise and says, " Really, me too!!" The guys says "Yeah, I know. Your father just passed away and your brother wanted me to give you $2000"
Bob and Nancy were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. After 50 years, Bob wanted to know if Nancy was always faithful. Bob asked, "Have you ever cheated on me?" Nancy replied, "Yes, three times." "What?!", yelled Bob, "When?" Nancy said, "Remember when the septic tank flooded back in '69 and we couldn't afford to fix it? I convinced the plumber to fix it for free." "And?" Nancy said, "Remember when you needed heart surgery in '75 and we didn't have insurance? I had the doctor treat you for free." "And the third time? "Do you remember when you ran for mayor back in '89 and you were behind by 200 votes..."
A girl goes to a doctor for a check-up. It's a routine exam, therefore, she takes off her shirt. When her shirt is off, the doctor sees a large "P" on her chest. The doctor says, "What the hell happened to you?" The Girl replies "Well, my boyfriend goes to college, and he is so proud of himself, that he wears his letterman jacket during sex. The check-up is done and the girl leaves.
The Next day, another girl goes tot he doctor for a checkup, she takes off her shirt and on her chest, is the letter "L". Yet again the doctor says, "What the hell happened to you?" The Girl replies "Well, my boyfriend goes to college, and he is so proud of himself, that he wears his letterman jacket when we fuck. The check-up is done and the girl leaves.
On the third day, a third girl walks in for her exam, she removes her shirt and there is a large letter "W" on her chest.
The doctor says, "Lemme guess... , your boyfriend goes to Wisconsin...right?"
The girl replies, "No doctor, but I just had sex with my girlfriend from Michigan."
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?" Asked Jeff
"I kicked her in the face."
Bob and Nancy were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. After 50 years, Bob wanted to know if Nancy was always faithful. Bob asked, "Have you ever cheated on me?" Nancy replied, "Yes, three times." "What?!", yelled Bob, "When?" Nancy said, "Remember when the septic tank flooded back in '69 and we couldn't afford to fix it? I convinced the plumber to fix it for free." "And?" Nancy said, "Remember when you needed heart surgery in '75 and we didn't have insurance? I had the doctor treat you for free." "And the third time? "Do you remember when you ran for mayor back in '89 and you were behind by 200 votes..."
A girl goes to a doctor for a check-up. It's a routine exam, therefore, she takes off her shirt. When her shirt is off, the doctor sees a large "P" on her chest. The doctor says, "What the hell happened to you?" The Girl replies "Well, my boyfriend goes to college, and he is so proud of himself, that he wears his letterman jacket during sex. The check-up is done and the girl leaves.
The Next day, another girl goes tot he doctor for a checkup, she takes off her shirt and on her chest, is the letter "L". Yet again the doctor says, "What the hell happened to you?" The Girl replies "Well, my boyfriend goes to college, and he is so proud of himself, that he wears his letterman jacket when we fuck. The check-up is done and the girl leaves.
On the third day, a third girl walks in for her exam, she removes her shirt and there is a large letter "W" on her chest.
The doctor says, "Lemme guess... , your boyfriend goes to Wisconsin...right?"
The girl replies, "No doctor, but I just had sex with my girlfriend from Michigan."
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?" Asked Jeff
"I kicked her in the face."