Spring and love is in the air again...
I am the best man at my friend's wedding tomorrow. It's been a long time coming, but yet... not long enough. He's happy, and I think he's doing the right thing. I really hope this works, they seem pretty damn happy together, but at the same time I don't spend nearly the same amount of time with them as I used to. I am at a loss for feelings, I am happy, but, because of my past, I am doubtful about it all. I think this is because I have need of looking into myself and I might start meditating so as to be able to really settle some of my inner demons. I had a long discussion tonight about my ex fiance... some of you know her problems, but I have realized that I feel bad for her. I will not step in and I will not accept it as a hold back, as I can't see how it should be. She's made the decisions to put herself where she is, and chose to ignore my own pleas for her to stop. It's now between her and her current boyfriend, as they are the ones with a problem, tho for her sake, I fear the outcome. I will say that I hope in the end, Chris and Rhonda (the groom and bride) have the best of life and happiness, and can see to work through the hard times and follow their love to fulfilment of life.
As Alana posted in her LJ we have split. As she said, long distance was just too much for us. Monetarily as well as emotionally. I will also say that I cannot understand how she was "seeing" another guy within days... but, she did say it was over long before then, I guess that explains it. I have no hard feelings toward her, and I wish her happiness in life. As for myself, I have chosen to hold off on relationships for now. I am again growing. I need to nurture that growth and proceed in my thoughts and feelings about life. If this means that I will be single for the rest of my days, I am willing to accept such a fate to learn who I really am and what I am fully capable of being. "Flow Like a River" - this has alot of meaning to me now... water has no definate shape... meaning be flexible... but a river has an ultimate goal and is always working to acheive that goal. I think I like this and will try harder to accomplish what I want with in the confines of the banks of my life...
This weekend is big, with lots of things happening... Rhonda and Chris will vow their love, and I have a gig at a 3 day event on Lake Jackson - south of Atlanta. This should be alot of fun. Subconscious and I have never played b2b, but Torpor will not be able to make it, so we now have a 3 hour set to cover. No worries, should be alot of fun, just have to keeep my mind in the game and take these kids on a journey through the vast sounds of drum n bass, and if I am lucky, and can show one person in that room the love I hold for this music, I will once again top the list of gigs I've had. Love the music, feel the emotion, and spread the joy!
As Alana posted in her LJ we have split. As she said, long distance was just too much for us. Monetarily as well as emotionally. I will also say that I cannot understand how she was "seeing" another guy within days... but, she did say it was over long before then, I guess that explains it. I have no hard feelings toward her, and I wish her happiness in life. As for myself, I have chosen to hold off on relationships for now. I am again growing. I need to nurture that growth and proceed in my thoughts and feelings about life. If this means that I will be single for the rest of my days, I am willing to accept such a fate to learn who I really am and what I am fully capable of being. "Flow Like a River" - this has alot of meaning to me now... water has no definate shape... meaning be flexible... but a river has an ultimate goal and is always working to acheive that goal. I think I like this and will try harder to accomplish what I want with in the confines of the banks of my life...
This weekend is big, with lots of things happening... Rhonda and Chris will vow their love, and I have a gig at a 3 day event on Lake Jackson - south of Atlanta. This should be alot of fun. Subconscious and I have never played b2b, but Torpor will not be able to make it, so we now have a 3 hour set to cover. No worries, should be alot of fun, just have to keeep my mind in the game and take these kids on a journey through the vast sounds of drum n bass, and if I am lucky, and can show one person in that room the love I hold for this music, I will once again top the list of gigs I've had. Love the music, feel the emotion, and spread the joy!