i fall fast and hard, i just hope you are there to catch me...

[dizzystars5]

do you ever wonder why things dont work out?
or why they do?
i dont knwo why, but ever since him, i cant sleep
he got me used to sleeping with someone.
2 people in one twin bed.
everynight for 2 weeks, it makes it hard to sleep alone now
i know no one reads this, and since i dont have a regular journal at the moment, i figured id write it here

i hate that he didnt have the guts to tell me the truth
if you arent over a girl, say it
dont say you arent "feeling it"
or that we are just wasting our time
i wasnt wasting my time
well, i didnt think i was

i hate that there was absolutely no closure.
and now he wont talk to me
today was the first time in more than a week
and it was more than awkward.

maybe its good it didnt work out
maybe he was my rebound.
i dont think so
but i was obviously his
or maybe hes gay, like caitlyn said, but i just cant see it

i dont like being alone. ever.
not just relationship wise
although as of right now, im not so happy being single either
i hate having no rules, and not being able to take advantage of that
i hate going to bed without saying goodnight to someone
or hearing them breathe
or feeling them breathe
or have them there when you have a break down
like, right here, not on the other side of the country
although nick is doing an amazing job of that.

i just want everything to work.
i want CLOSURE
not just goodbye, or its not working
i want why it wasnt working,
wtf did i do wrong
i know what i did right, you already told me
why am i a waste or your time
why can every guy i cant have see that "im great"
but the one i can doesnt care.

i wasnt in love with him
but sure, i had a crush

and i hate how it ended.
things wont ever be the same between us

i figured something out about myself:

i fall fast and hard, now i just hope someone is there to catch me before i hit the ground