[LJI 9-1: Jayus] Dead Man Walking!
You ever have one of those moments where you crack a joke, trying to lighten the mood, and it ends up being the worst thing you could have said at that moment? In front of a bunch of witnesses? I have, a couple of them, and this topic is the perfect chance to share one with you! Now it's not quite as humiliating as the "Track-While-Scan" incident of '97, and didn't result in the beatdown the "Gappy" incident of '89 did, but it feels like the right place to bring the new readers into the fold here :D
So it all starts at the work office. The company's been in a bit of a slump, if you consider multiple years of hemorrhaging money and slashing jobs on a near-weekly basis a slump. Our office is located on Prosperity Road where it meets Gallows Road, so gallows humor isn't really outside the realm of possibility here. Someone had "Unix Admin For Hire" t-shirts printed up and we did wear them. It's that kind of environment.
A bunch of us are hanging around out front, smoke breaking and non-smoker breaking, shooting the shit and pretending like we didn't know the head of human resources was in the building. He only comes to our building for one reason, so it's like pretending the Grim Reaper isn't hanging out on your couch checking his watch on occasion and giving you that dead, silent stare.
I catch some motion out of the corner of my eye, and see my buddy Shrew coming up the sidewalk towards us. At this point, Shrew's the ONLY person left in his department doing what he does. This is easy, low hanging fruit for a joke, right? So I call out to him "Dead Man Walking!" and the two of us have a good laugh as he badges through the door and heads in. I'm grinning like a fool, turning to look at everyone else that's laughing along, and that's when I notice it.
They're laughing, but it's not a real laugh. It's one of those uncomfortable "I don't wanna be here cause this is painful" laughs, and they're fake-smiling like Toothless from How To Train Your Dragon. Something's really wrong and I have ZERO clue what's going on.
"Wow dude. That was fucking cold of you."
"What? It was funny!"
"He's on the list today, they're laying him off and IT's taking over his position."
Yeah, that's when my stomach told me the elevator just failed and I'm heading into the basement, fast. Everyone ELSE knew who was getting chopped that day and hadn't bothered to clue me in, thinking I already knew. Nope! Shrew came back out a couple minutes later but they felt like hours, and I did my best to grovel for forgiveness and explain I had no idea and I'M SORRY!!!! He had figured out I didn't know, but that's still a bit of shame and embarrassment I carry around with me to this day.
So it all starts at the work office. The company's been in a bit of a slump, if you consider multiple years of hemorrhaging money and slashing jobs on a near-weekly basis a slump. Our office is located on Prosperity Road where it meets Gallows Road, so gallows humor isn't really outside the realm of possibility here. Someone had "Unix Admin For Hire" t-shirts printed up and we did wear them. It's that kind of environment.
A bunch of us are hanging around out front, smoke breaking and non-smoker breaking, shooting the shit and pretending like we didn't know the head of human resources was in the building. He only comes to our building for one reason, so it's like pretending the Grim Reaper isn't hanging out on your couch checking his watch on occasion and giving you that dead, silent stare.
I catch some motion out of the corner of my eye, and see my buddy Shrew coming up the sidewalk towards us. At this point, Shrew's the ONLY person left in his department doing what he does. This is easy, low hanging fruit for a joke, right? So I call out to him "Dead Man Walking!" and the two of us have a good laugh as he badges through the door and heads in. I'm grinning like a fool, turning to look at everyone else that's laughing along, and that's when I notice it.
They're laughing, but it's not a real laugh. It's one of those uncomfortable "I don't wanna be here cause this is painful" laughs, and they're fake-smiling like Toothless from How To Train Your Dragon. Something's really wrong and I have ZERO clue what's going on.
"Wow dude. That was fucking cold of you."
"What? It was funny!"
"He's on the list today, they're laying him off and IT's taking over his position."
Yeah, that's when my stomach told me the elevator just failed and I'm heading into the basement, fast. Everyone ELSE knew who was getting chopped that day and hadn't bothered to clue me in, thinking I already knew. Nope! Shrew came back out a couple minutes later but they felt like hours, and I did my best to grovel for forgiveness and explain I had no idea and I'M SORRY!!!! He had figured out I didn't know, but that's still a bit of shame and embarrassment I carry around with me to this day.