My heart is tearing
Into two pieces.
I love a girl I've loved time and time again but I'm not sure if I still love her.
At the same time, there's another girl I've barely known, but we're both insanely in love with each other. So much more so than I've ever felt before.
Every day the first cigarette I have, I get a head high. Along with that head high, comes every anxiety I feel at that certain moment. This love struggle is one of them. And it's never been a worst time to smoke my first cigarette of the day.
I love both these women. But there's so many things that are going to influence my decision of choosing one. So many specifics I love about each one. So many different experiences. So many different/similar tastes, smells, food preferences, talks, hugs, fucks, kisses, touches, love making, movies, fights, hits, kicks, misses, and complaints.
I've never hated love til now: I now have the position of choice instead of it just happening naturally. My head, heart, body and mind have never been drowned by such a choice. All four parts are floundering at the sake of an eventual decision. A decision that will eventually cause heartache. Heartache because a decision between any person would result in heartache on at least one person's behalf. . . Me included.
I've never been so insane.
I've never actually used alcohol to ease the pain and turbulence in my mind, but tonight was the first time. It made for a decent (if not entertaining) musical performance, but the ethanol has worn off and I'm in the same place I was a couple days ago.
Thank goodness for my whiskey stash. I should be able to sleep now.
I love a girl I've loved time and time again but I'm not sure if I still love her.
At the same time, there's another girl I've barely known, but we're both insanely in love with each other. So much more so than I've ever felt before.
Every day the first cigarette I have, I get a head high. Along with that head high, comes every anxiety I feel at that certain moment. This love struggle is one of them. And it's never been a worst time to smoke my first cigarette of the day.
I love both these women. But there's so many things that are going to influence my decision of choosing one. So many specifics I love about each one. So many different experiences. So many different/similar tastes, smells, food preferences, talks, hugs, fucks, kisses, touches, love making, movies, fights, hits, kicks, misses, and complaints.
I've never hated love til now: I now have the position of choice instead of it just happening naturally. My head, heart, body and mind have never been drowned by such a choice. All four parts are floundering at the sake of an eventual decision. A decision that will eventually cause heartache. Heartache because a decision between any person would result in heartache on at least one person's behalf. . . Me included.
I've never been so insane.
I've never actually used alcohol to ease the pain and turbulence in my mind, but tonight was the first time. It made for a decent (if not entertaining) musical performance, but the ethanol has worn off and I'm in the same place I was a couple days ago.
Thank goodness for my whiskey stash. I should be able to sleep now.