Application: Toki Wartooth - "Metalocalypse"
Still with his Flying V guitar in hand, Toki found himself standing at the gates of Disney Land. "Wowee." He blinked and looked over his shoulders. Did Pickles put something in his drink? He could have sworn Skwisgaar had just started in on one of his extended guitar solos. Toki was up next to record for the new album too, wasn't this against that...produktivatty thing they were supposed to be doing now?
"Ha ha, very funny, guys! Drugging me and leavings me at Disney Land! Ha ha ha. You really gots Toki!"
He laughed again. Then thought about how he was going to get back to Mordhaus. Then thought about drinking some vodka. And then he saw Mickey and that cat.
Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"
"My name Toki Wartooth." Everyone else in the world knew who Toki Wartooth was, but Toki figured that cartoon mice didn't know much outside their little cartoon worlds. He guessed answering a few questions wouldn't delay recording too much.
"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.
"Quest? Like whats knights do? Like savings them pretty goils from dragons and ogres and evil uncles what wants to have sex with thems?"
"I plays the guitar..." he said, lifting his Gibson Flying V. Toki was a little confused.
"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"
"Oh boy! Three wishes!" Biting his lip in thought, he started thinking over his answer very carefully. Being the rhythm guitarist for the most successful band in the world meant that he made a lot of money. A lot. "I would wants to have Rachel Ray eatens by maggots, fors my first wish. Thens I'd wish that I could flys. How cool woulds that be! Thens I would likes to plays the guitar better than Skwisgaar."
He fiddled with the strap of his guitar, "Stupid dildos thinks he's better than me just because he can plays the notes and the scales faster. It's not my faults I gots stubby fingers!"
"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"
"That's a pretty mean things to do. I mean, if I was a genie then that person should be grateful I was goings to give them wishes anyways." He paused. "I'd tell thems no. Thens I'd kill them withs my genie powers."
Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"
"OH! I can gives myself a real cool blowjob! Watch me, Mickey!"
Toki, still not knowing the difference between a blowjob and a nose bleed, forced the blood to his face and fell over once it started gushing out his nose.
"Brutal! That's what I'm talkin about!"
The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"
"Mm, candy. I'm not picky. I likes them all." Toki picked himself up off the ground and wiped the blood off on his shirt. "Wait, can I have them little ice creams what shaped like your head, Mickey?"
"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"
Though still waiting for the answer, Toki was quickly distracted by the next question. "Oh wowee. That's tough. Bears are really metal, they'll eats your face. But robots can be programmed to kill, so theys metal too. And theys made of metal!" He laughed at his own joke for what seemed like an unnecessarily long time. "Do I have to choose? Theys all pretty cool if you asks me. Except fairies."
He frowned, "Fairies are not metal."
"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"
"Just my guitar...oh, and my phone!" Toki pulled out his spikey Dethphone and played the ringtone, which just so happened to be Briefcase Full of Guts. He headbanged until the song ended, then played it again and headbanged a little more.
A little dizzy, mostly still from the nosebleed, Toki looked around and asked, "Now what happen?"
((Toki Wartooth is taken from the dark-comedy cartoon Metalocalypse. He is the rhythm guitarist of the band Dethklok. He is not a bumblebee. He is also a tad messed up. Toki is taken from the season 2 episode-before-the-finale, Dethrecord.))
"Ha ha, very funny, guys! Drugging me and leavings me at Disney Land! Ha ha ha. You really gots Toki!"
He laughed again. Then thought about how he was going to get back to Mordhaus. Then thought about drinking some vodka. And then he saw Mickey and that cat.
Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"
"My name Toki Wartooth." Everyone else in the world knew who Toki Wartooth was, but Toki figured that cartoon mice didn't know much outside their little cartoon worlds. He guessed answering a few questions wouldn't delay recording too much.
"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.
"Quest? Like whats knights do? Like savings them pretty goils from dragons and ogres and evil uncles what wants to have sex with thems?"
"I plays the guitar..." he said, lifting his Gibson Flying V. Toki was a little confused.
"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"
"Oh boy! Three wishes!" Biting his lip in thought, he started thinking over his answer very carefully. Being the rhythm guitarist for the most successful band in the world meant that he made a lot of money. A lot. "I would wants to have Rachel Ray eatens by maggots, fors my first wish. Thens I'd wish that I could flys. How cool woulds that be! Thens I would likes to plays the guitar better than Skwisgaar."
He fiddled with the strap of his guitar, "Stupid dildos thinks he's better than me just because he can plays the notes and the scales faster. It's not my faults I gots stubby fingers!"
"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"
"That's a pretty mean things to do. I mean, if I was a genie then that person should be grateful I was goings to give them wishes anyways." He paused. "I'd tell thems no. Thens I'd kill them withs my genie powers."
Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"
"OH! I can gives myself a real cool blowjob! Watch me, Mickey!"
Toki, still not knowing the difference between a blowjob and a nose bleed, forced the blood to his face and fell over once it started gushing out his nose.
"Brutal! That's what I'm talkin about!"
The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"
"Mm, candy. I'm not picky. I likes them all." Toki picked himself up off the ground and wiped the blood off on his shirt. "Wait, can I have them little ice creams what shaped like your head, Mickey?"
"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"
Though still waiting for the answer, Toki was quickly distracted by the next question. "Oh wowee. That's tough. Bears are really metal, they'll eats your face. But robots can be programmed to kill, so theys metal too. And theys made of metal!" He laughed at his own joke for what seemed like an unnecessarily long time. "Do I have to choose? Theys all pretty cool if you asks me. Except fairies."
He frowned, "Fairies are not metal."
"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"
"Just my guitar...oh, and my phone!" Toki pulled out his spikey Dethphone and played the ringtone, which just so happened to be Briefcase Full of Guts. He headbanged until the song ended, then played it again and headbanged a little more.
A little dizzy, mostly still from the nosebleed, Toki looked around and asked, "Now what happen?"
((Toki Wartooth is taken from the dark-comedy cartoon Metalocalypse. He is the rhythm guitarist of the band Dethklok. He is not a bumblebee. He is also a tad messed up. Toki is taken from the season 2 episode-before-the-finale, Dethrecord.))