Application for Jim of Jim's Journal
Mickey coughs theatrically. "What is your name?"
"I'm Jim."
"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.
"Today I slept in and missed my geology class. I was tired all day. But later I got in front of the TV. I had a box of Hostess Cupcakes and a bottle of Coke and I felt fine."
"What is the average w..?" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?"
"I'd like to work at some place other than McDonald's in the fall."
"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"
"It's the principle of the thing."
Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?"
"Today I washed the windows at McDonald's. I liked it. I didn't have to pay attention to anything else around me. I just washed the windows."
The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"
"Today I went to the store and bought a candy bar. I guess it's been a while since I've eaten one. It didn't taste as good as I remember."
"Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans," says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "Explain."
"Today Steve rented a movie on video. It was Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. I didn't really feel like watching it because I had homework to do. But I ended up watching the whole thing anyway."
"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?"
"Today I accidentally cut my thumb on a piece of paper. 'Ooh, a paper cut, those are the worst!' Tony said. But it wasn't too bad. I tried to put on a Band-Aid, but it was hard to open. The red string just came right out, and I had to tear the little package all up."
((Jim is the main character of Jim's Journal, an anti-humor college comic strip. Not that it matters, but he's taken here from the end of the first collection, I Went To College and It Was Okay.))