Application for Don Quixote de La Mancha
An aged man comes tottering up to the gates, dressed in battered leather armor and carrying a slightly bent lance from which flies a shabby pennant. His white-bearded face, clearly designed for scholarly gentleness and dignity, has somehow acquired an expression of fanatical confusion. A sword hangs off-kilter at his side, and upon his head is draped a grimy dishcloth beneath an inverted bronze shaving basin.
His rheumy old eyes are fixed on the spires of Sleeping Beauty's castle as though he is witnessing a long-awaited miracle.
Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"
"It is I, Don Quixote de La Mancha, Knight of the Woeful Countenance! What manner of foul creature art thou?" The old knight lowers his sword menacingly toward the mouse (or it might be menacing, if he were able to hold the weapon steady. As it is, its point trembles and begins to sink slowly toward the ground, despite his best effort.)
His creaking voice rises until he positively thunders with indignation. "Whence hast thou spirited away my squire and my lady? Who is the master of yon castle to which thou hast laid seige? Answer, cur, or taste my steel!"
"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.
"My quest?" Seemingly on the verge of charging both characters, Don Quixote pauses at this, drawing himself up with dignity and something like reverence on his face. "It is the quest of every true knight. To right the unrightable wrong. To love, pure and chaste, from afar. To try, though your arms are too weary, to reach the unreachable star..."
Abruptly, he breaks into song. His singing voice is surprisingly strong, given his decrepitude.
This is my quest: to follow that star,
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far;
To fight for the right, without question or pause--
To be willing to march into Hell for a Heavenly cause!
And I know, if I'll only be true to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I'm laid to my rest.
There is more to the song, it seems, but Mickey cuts him off before he can finish...
"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"
"What need have I of such evil magics? All that I need I already possess: my honor; my sword; my noble steed; my faithful squire, and my beloved lady." At this, Don Quixote falters a moment, looking around him as though lost. "I...they were here...a moment ago..."
"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"
"Speak not such base heresies in my presence, knave!" The sword, briefly forgotten, rises again. "But as to your question, such trickery shows him to be a man of no honor, and so worthy of nothing at all."
Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"
"Barter? A knight does not barter. If this revolution be for just cause, I shall fight for the people against their oppressors, and they may reward me in whatever manner they see fit."
The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"
"I'm...sorry?" This seems to stump the knight, who, if he has ever tasted chocolate at all, has certainly never seen it in such variety. "I have not come here for sweets, demon. Dost thou seek to divert me from my sacred mission?"
"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"
"What is this talk of brigands, beasts and the dead that live? Is there a depth of depravity to which thou wilt not sink?"
"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"
"Thou shalt know the sharpness of my blade, vile abomination! DEFEND THYSELF!" And with that, the hapless knight brandishes his sword, charges at Mickey...and staggers right past him, tripping over his own spurs and landing flat on his face.
---
((Don Quixote is taken from the 1972 movie starring Peter O'Toole and Sophia Loren, based on the screenplay, which in turn was based on the literary classic by Miguel de Cervantes. He's coming from the early morning of his 'knighting' at the Inn, approximately--after he was dubbed 'Knight of the Woeful Countenance' but before discovering the attack on Aldonza or encountering the 'Enchanter'.
He's actually three characters for the price of one, sorta--Alonso Quijana is lurking somewhere under the madness, and the Cervantes of the movie underlies everything, though you'll very rarely hear from him.))
His rheumy old eyes are fixed on the spires of Sleeping Beauty's castle as though he is witnessing a long-awaited miracle.
Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"
"It is I, Don Quixote de La Mancha, Knight of the Woeful Countenance! What manner of foul creature art thou?" The old knight lowers his sword menacingly toward the mouse (or it might be menacing, if he were able to hold the weapon steady. As it is, its point trembles and begins to sink slowly toward the ground, despite his best effort.)
His creaking voice rises until he positively thunders with indignation. "Whence hast thou spirited away my squire and my lady? Who is the master of yon castle to which thou hast laid seige? Answer, cur, or taste my steel!"
"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.
"My quest?" Seemingly on the verge of charging both characters, Don Quixote pauses at this, drawing himself up with dignity and something like reverence on his face. "It is the quest of every true knight. To right the unrightable wrong. To love, pure and chaste, from afar. To try, though your arms are too weary, to reach the unreachable star..."
Abruptly, he breaks into song. His singing voice is surprisingly strong, given his decrepitude.
This is my quest: to follow that star,
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far;
To fight for the right, without question or pause--
To be willing to march into Hell for a Heavenly cause!
And I know, if I'll only be true to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I'm laid to my rest.
There is more to the song, it seems, but Mickey cuts him off before he can finish...
"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"
"What need have I of such evil magics? All that I need I already possess: my honor; my sword; my noble steed; my faithful squire, and my beloved lady." At this, Don Quixote falters a moment, looking around him as though lost. "I...they were here...a moment ago..."
"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"
"Speak not such base heresies in my presence, knave!" The sword, briefly forgotten, rises again. "But as to your question, such trickery shows him to be a man of no honor, and so worthy of nothing at all."
Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"
"Barter? A knight does not barter. If this revolution be for just cause, I shall fight for the people against their oppressors, and they may reward me in whatever manner they see fit."
The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"
"I'm...sorry?" This seems to stump the knight, who, if he has ever tasted chocolate at all, has certainly never seen it in such variety. "I have not come here for sweets, demon. Dost thou seek to divert me from my sacred mission?"
"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"
"What is this talk of brigands, beasts and the dead that live? Is there a depth of depravity to which thou wilt not sink?"
"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"
"Thou shalt know the sharpness of my blade, vile abomination! DEFEND THYSELF!" And with that, the hapless knight brandishes his sword, charges at Mickey...and staggers right past him, tripping over his own spurs and landing flat on his face.
---
((Don Quixote is taken from the 1972 movie starring Peter O'Toole and Sophia Loren, based on the screenplay, which in turn was based on the literary classic by Miguel de Cervantes. He's coming from the early morning of his 'knighting' at the Inn, approximately--after he was dubbed 'Knight of the Woeful Countenance' but before discovering the attack on Aldonza or encountering the 'Enchanter'.
He's actually three characters for the price of one, sorta--Alonso Quijana is lurking somewhere under the madness, and the Cervantes of the movie underlies everything, though you'll very rarely hear from him.))