Bipolar Life- Getting Through Treatment
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( The following was cut for those with dialup... )
If it makes you feel any better, I always considered you one of the more well-adjusted of the crowd we tend to congregate with. You're a damn cool lady.
I've come accross a lot of people who self-medicate. I've tried St. John's Wort for my worst depression; though as my partner(who is bipolar and ADD) says: We're used to having a certain texture in our lives, and most drugs just kinda grey everything out. St. John's Wort got me through my worst long-term bouts of depression, but I wasn't getting the highs, either. There have been times in the last couple years I probably should have taken it.
I smoke about half a pack a day, mostly because if I DON'T I can get violent & lash out both verbally and sometimes physically; either that or I cry. I'd want to find an equally effective alternative were I to quit.
A roommate I had used Marajuan to self-medicate, it was very effective for him during the lows; I once wrestled a razor blade out of his hand, he was intent on slitting his wrists.
He eventually weaned off of it(due to pressure from his wife) and as far as I know is doing OK drug-free, though will somke if its available(and his wife isn't around).
My partner(man, I'm still not comfortable with the word boyfriend) survives on coffee & cigarettes, which helps for his ADD but not the bipolar stuff, which he just lives with. I've seen him cycle in 10 minutes: He goes from jumping on the bed (without me) to slumped in his chair. It can be a real pain in the butt to live with, but so am I, and I wouldn't force him to medicate in any way he wasn't comfortable; I think he's already on too many drugs as it is(he's got allergies, too).
He's an adrenaline junkie, I've seen a dance with danger do more good than any medication. Studies show that suicide rates are lowest in war-torn and high-risk countries. I've noticed a close call is better than any drug for fighting depression and any other number of psychological ailments, or petty anxieties about work & life. After scaring the shit out of myself on the rivers, everything else that might be going on isn't worth worrying about. Whitewater, despite the injuries, was probably the healthiest hobby I've ever had.
I've met people who are completely psycho on Prozac, yeek. I've deduced the stuff should not be proscribed to menopausal women.
Ritalin got me through college, but did really fucked up things to my memory while I was on it, I think it would be better to give kids vodka than Ritalin.
One woman I know started on Zoloft, and it's the only drug I've seen really improve someone. She was an emotional, psycho wreck when I met her. Though I think a lot of "psycho" behavior we see has to do with lack of self-observation.
If I catch myself getting nuts, I'll isloate myself(and gawd help the person who doesn't respect that); she didn't.
No matter, 30% of people respond to placebos, so I'm thinking its just a matter of time until I find one I believe works. :)
I wish you the best.
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