Go fuck yourself!
man, it's been the greatest day. only having one official day off out of the week really makes me enjoy it to the fullest.
these are the things that make me happy: reading for pleasure, yoga practice, sitting with the deities, watching nature, bicycling, going with the flow.
today after visiting the temple, we stopped at the canteen to buy some food. as we sat eating our incredibly hot food, the only caucasians present, an old man came up to us and started to talk. he was indian, obviously, and he had fascinating blue-white rings around his big pupils. he was basically asking us in a polite way why we had left christianity to come to the hindu faith.
and it's like... well.... i was never a christian. i mean, never ever. i know that's hard to believe. my parents aren't christians, and the only time i ever went to church was when i spent a weekend with my grandparents and this other time i got suckered into summer bible camp. i remember when i couldn't find the right pages in the bible because it was all corinthians this, leviticus that... they weren't even alphabetical. so it's interesting that, because of my american-ness, an inherent christianity is implied.
it was a conversation that left me feeling a little odd. i know that he meant well, but it was obvious that my decade of siva/kali worship was unrecognized. i just looked like some lost westerner rambling through. it was a lot like those occasions, which are pretty common actually, that someone at the hospital hears about my vegetarianism and immediately thinks that i'm a seven day adventist. some people get a little more into the biblespeak, and others back off a little like they think i'm a prude. all i'm saying is that i find it strange when others assume that i think a certain way just because of my ethnicity. i know that others have plights much worse than this, but it's just something interesting to observe.
also, i've realized today that i'm experiencing the bhagavan das syndrome (well, one of them... i have yet to leave my wife and child to go cavort in the desert with peyote): an outsider to the east, a renunciate of the west. of course i'm not a RENUNCIATE, up all night practicing austerities and sleeping in the elements... but the kentucky fried chicken, the american idol, the iphone 4 G... these things are lost on me. hell, even the relevance of wearing pants is hanging on by a thread. it's rather expected that i follow the natural course of things and smoke cigarettes and get on anti-depressants (it's the american way), but i say fuck you to the image of modern americana. i don't buy into it. i refuse to, because it's hollow. it's a numbed-up death trip.
i keep thinking of this scene from a documentary called "enlighten up." this guy travels all over the place, and one of the stops is hawaii. he stays at an ashram in the hawaiian wilderness to stay with a famous yet secluded ashtanga master. during one of his sessions, this guy starts to question himself. basically: "how do i get past the drama?" he expounds on his various sufferings: he's horny, he's jealous, he's angry, he's lonely... the master starts to laugh. "well, you know what you need to do? you need to go fuck yourself!" he chuckled then for a bit. "no, i mean it, you need to fuck yourself. stop looking for others to pacify you. get it out of your system! get over it!" i'm paraphrasing, but you get the picture.
so for the last several days i've been periodically envisioning the buddha holding up his hand, saying, "go fuck yourself!" i think, in a way, that says it all. it's very appropriate for this kali yuga where we find ourselves.
these are the things that make me happy: reading for pleasure, yoga practice, sitting with the deities, watching nature, bicycling, going with the flow.
today after visiting the temple, we stopped at the canteen to buy some food. as we sat eating our incredibly hot food, the only caucasians present, an old man came up to us and started to talk. he was indian, obviously, and he had fascinating blue-white rings around his big pupils. he was basically asking us in a polite way why we had left christianity to come to the hindu faith.
and it's like... well.... i was never a christian. i mean, never ever. i know that's hard to believe. my parents aren't christians, and the only time i ever went to church was when i spent a weekend with my grandparents and this other time i got suckered into summer bible camp. i remember when i couldn't find the right pages in the bible because it was all corinthians this, leviticus that... they weren't even alphabetical. so it's interesting that, because of my american-ness, an inherent christianity is implied.
it was a conversation that left me feeling a little odd. i know that he meant well, but it was obvious that my decade of siva/kali worship was unrecognized. i just looked like some lost westerner rambling through. it was a lot like those occasions, which are pretty common actually, that someone at the hospital hears about my vegetarianism and immediately thinks that i'm a seven day adventist. some people get a little more into the biblespeak, and others back off a little like they think i'm a prude. all i'm saying is that i find it strange when others assume that i think a certain way just because of my ethnicity. i know that others have plights much worse than this, but it's just something interesting to observe.
also, i've realized today that i'm experiencing the bhagavan das syndrome (well, one of them... i have yet to leave my wife and child to go cavort in the desert with peyote): an outsider to the east, a renunciate of the west. of course i'm not a RENUNCIATE, up all night practicing austerities and sleeping in the elements... but the kentucky fried chicken, the american idol, the iphone 4 G... these things are lost on me. hell, even the relevance of wearing pants is hanging on by a thread. it's rather expected that i follow the natural course of things and smoke cigarettes and get on anti-depressants (it's the american way), but i say fuck you to the image of modern americana. i don't buy into it. i refuse to, because it's hollow. it's a numbed-up death trip.
i keep thinking of this scene from a documentary called "enlighten up." this guy travels all over the place, and one of the stops is hawaii. he stays at an ashram in the hawaiian wilderness to stay with a famous yet secluded ashtanga master. during one of his sessions, this guy starts to question himself. basically: "how do i get past the drama?" he expounds on his various sufferings: he's horny, he's jealous, he's angry, he's lonely... the master starts to laugh. "well, you know what you need to do? you need to go fuck yourself!" he chuckled then for a bit. "no, i mean it, you need to fuck yourself. stop looking for others to pacify you. get it out of your system! get over it!" i'm paraphrasing, but you get the picture.
so for the last several days i've been periodically envisioning the buddha holding up his hand, saying, "go fuck yourself!" i think, in a way, that says it all. it's very appropriate for this kali yuga where we find ourselves.