The Best Thing
So after 5 weeks, I'm going back to school. I'm quite excited. Adam and I are carpooling to our two classes, Human Sexuality and Speech.
I'm kind of embarressed that I'm taking Human Sexuality. I call it "Health," which it is, but... not quite. I'm hoping to use it to understand everything that I've gone through and maybe find some peace with it. Also to maybe find a way to confront my parents about sex and... perhaps, if I get really lucky, they may acknowledge my stays with Dave overnight. The field trips to porn shops and poistion ideas are bonuses to the class!
Then every Thursday I have my EMT class!! Yes! I'm very very excited! My goal is to get an "A" in that class!! Encouragment I'm sure will be needed.
Dave and I have been having such a wonderful time when we're together. Even still, the more I'm around him, the more I crave him. I've never felt this way, and it still keeps getting better. I think that is what scares me so much. I don't want any of that to dissapear from my life. He gives my heart life.
That's not to say that if he did dissapear completely I couldn't move on; I could. But, nothing would ever be quite the same. And to find a love like this is near impossible. It happened to me at such a young age, I don't want my luck wear out.
I don't even know what I'm talking about right now! As soon as he can hold in Arizona he's moving back. I'm already pouty about it. And I need to get control of my emotions. That probably wont be until May! Relax and enjoy every moment, soak it up.
I think my imagination is my worst enemy (and best friend). I see him in Arizona, looking being tan and looking hot, at some club, and finds some chick he takes home with him. Then... I don't know what would be worse, to be with just one person that means something or to be with a hundred that mean nothing.
My problem is jealousy and love isn't jealous!!! And, yet, I'm not even jealous of a person I'm jealous of a whole god damned state. Why should Arizona have him?? He's mine.
See, this is what I mean. I'm taking this way to far. Then I was thinking, if I KNEW he was having sex, would I just go out and have sex too to make myself feel better. It sounds like something I would be inclinded to do.
STOP! Breathe. That could be 5 months away!!
But, 5 months from now will be 5 months more I have fallen in love and it will be 5 thousands times harder.
Dave and have it great... the way we cuddle, the way we laugh, the way we play, the way we kiss, the way we talk, the way we need one another more than we know, the way we compliment each other, the way we make love, the way we love.
Sometimes I don't want to be in love, because I feel too much. But, when I can relax, I realize being in love is the best thing that has ever happened to be. And even if Dave were to leave and never come back, it would still be the best thing that ever happened to be.
But, he will be back. Because I'm his best thing, too. And, I need to chill.
........
I'm kind of embarressed that I'm taking Human Sexuality. I call it "Health," which it is, but... not quite. I'm hoping to use it to understand everything that I've gone through and maybe find some peace with it. Also to maybe find a way to confront my parents about sex and... perhaps, if I get really lucky, they may acknowledge my stays with Dave overnight. The field trips to porn shops and poistion ideas are bonuses to the class!
Then every Thursday I have my EMT class!! Yes! I'm very very excited! My goal is to get an "A" in that class!! Encouragment I'm sure will be needed.
Dave and I have been having such a wonderful time when we're together. Even still, the more I'm around him, the more I crave him. I've never felt this way, and it still keeps getting better. I think that is what scares me so much. I don't want any of that to dissapear from my life. He gives my heart life.
That's not to say that if he did dissapear completely I couldn't move on; I could. But, nothing would ever be quite the same. And to find a love like this is near impossible. It happened to me at such a young age, I don't want my luck wear out.
I don't even know what I'm talking about right now! As soon as he can hold in Arizona he's moving back. I'm already pouty about it. And I need to get control of my emotions. That probably wont be until May! Relax and enjoy every moment, soak it up.
I think my imagination is my worst enemy (and best friend). I see him in Arizona, looking being tan and looking hot, at some club, and finds some chick he takes home with him. Then... I don't know what would be worse, to be with just one person that means something or to be with a hundred that mean nothing.
My problem is jealousy and love isn't jealous!!! And, yet, I'm not even jealous of a person I'm jealous of a whole god damned state. Why should Arizona have him?? He's mine.
See, this is what I mean. I'm taking this way to far. Then I was thinking, if I KNEW he was having sex, would I just go out and have sex too to make myself feel better. It sounds like something I would be inclinded to do.
STOP! Breathe. That could be 5 months away!!
But, 5 months from now will be 5 months more I have fallen in love and it will be 5 thousands times harder.
Dave and have it great... the way we cuddle, the way we laugh, the way we play, the way we kiss, the way we talk, the way we need one another more than we know, the way we compliment each other, the way we make love, the way we love.
Sometimes I don't want to be in love, because I feel too much. But, when I can relax, I realize being in love is the best thing that has ever happened to be. And even if Dave were to leave and never come back, it would still be the best thing that ever happened to be.
But, he will be back. Because I'm his best thing, too. And, I need to chill.
........