"Pause"
I went over to Dave's last night. We made some really good love... and for the most part I got over the whole porn thing.
But, the main event was I finally conforted him about what's going to happen when he leaves. I've been dreading it, scared... scared to agree to let each other go. And that is what we decided. We're not breaking up, but we're not together either. It's a "pause." Like when you pause a movie, you can start it back up whenever you want.
I cried, it was hard. I love him so much, and imagining anyone else in his arms kills me like nothing else. He said he felt the same way. I want to puts chains around him and tell him he can't make love to anyone else... but, I wont do that. I couldn't.
I can't imagine myself with anyone else, either. He held me, made me feel so loved last night as we talked. It's so difficult, but, I think it may make our relationship stronger in the end. I'm sad, and cry. But I'm excited and smiling, too. Single?? It's almost unimaginable.
It's not what I want, but what I want I can't have. I want to live in a fairytale world that doesn't exist. But, for the circumstances, I think this is what I want. It's not, but it is. If that makes sense.
As much as I don't want him holding anyone else, I'm not sure I want anyone else holding me.
Arg... love sure hurts sometimes.
But we're strong, and we'll be together in the end.
What really matters most to me, and maybe what scares me the most, too... is... I don't want him to stop loving me. I want him to always be the last call of the day, where I can say "I love you," and "sweet dreams." What if he stops loving me?
What if I were to stop loving him?
I think it's impossible, but anything is possible.
He promised me though that he wouldn't go a month without seeing me. That meant a lot.
I'm scared. "Amazed" came on this morning and I started to cry. And I couldn't call him because his phone was being stupid and kept being busy! I'm about to cry again thinking about it.
But, I need to get a grip and stop being scared. Love and can surpass anything. I love him with all my heart and want to marry him someday. And he feels the same. I just need to trust my heart, because, it will lead me back to him. And his may just lead him back to me.
How much stronger will we be, then? So strong...
I can do this. Just need to breathe, and relax. I can love him just the same, nothing can change that. Love is freedom.
Ohh... this is quite hard. I didn't think it would be this hard. I want to squeeze the hell out of something.
Why do I cry? God... please help me to be strong. Dave, help me to be strong.
But, the main event was I finally conforted him about what's going to happen when he leaves. I've been dreading it, scared... scared to agree to let each other go. And that is what we decided. We're not breaking up, but we're not together either. It's a "pause." Like when you pause a movie, you can start it back up whenever you want.
I cried, it was hard. I love him so much, and imagining anyone else in his arms kills me like nothing else. He said he felt the same way. I want to puts chains around him and tell him he can't make love to anyone else... but, I wont do that. I couldn't.
I can't imagine myself with anyone else, either. He held me, made me feel so loved last night as we talked. It's so difficult, but, I think it may make our relationship stronger in the end. I'm sad, and cry. But I'm excited and smiling, too. Single?? It's almost unimaginable.
It's not what I want, but what I want I can't have. I want to live in a fairytale world that doesn't exist. But, for the circumstances, I think this is what I want. It's not, but it is. If that makes sense.
As much as I don't want him holding anyone else, I'm not sure I want anyone else holding me.
Arg... love sure hurts sometimes.
But we're strong, and we'll be together in the end.
What really matters most to me, and maybe what scares me the most, too... is... I don't want him to stop loving me. I want him to always be the last call of the day, where I can say "I love you," and "sweet dreams." What if he stops loving me?
What if I were to stop loving him?
I think it's impossible, but anything is possible.
He promised me though that he wouldn't go a month without seeing me. That meant a lot.
I'm scared. "Amazed" came on this morning and I started to cry. And I couldn't call him because his phone was being stupid and kept being busy! I'm about to cry again thinking about it.
But, I need to get a grip and stop being scared. Love and can surpass anything. I love him with all my heart and want to marry him someday. And he feels the same. I just need to trust my heart, because, it will lead me back to him. And his may just lead him back to me.
How much stronger will we be, then? So strong...
I can do this. Just need to breathe, and relax. I can love him just the same, nothing can change that. Love is freedom.
Ohh... this is quite hard. I didn't think it would be this hard. I want to squeeze the hell out of something.
Why do I cry? God... please help me to be strong. Dave, help me to be strong.