Oh, it's lovely.
Reposting from the chicagocubs comm, written by findyouranswers...
Hi and welcome to the postseason! You are receiving this informative guide because someone you know is about to embark on that wondrous journey of a Cubs playoff run and you are going to care/pretend to care/not care but be forced to listen. Therefore, it is pertinent that you read and understand the following points to help you through this difficult exciting time.
The Guide For Being an Honorary Cubs Fan in 2007
1. “Wait Till Next Year” was the slogan of the Brooklyn Dodgers in the 1940s and 1950s. Cubs fans have had 98 “next years”. That’s a few past being a slogan.
2. We’ve got good guys. Derrek Lee has a charity for his daughter who has a rare genetic disease causing her to lose vision. Every time he homers, the charity gets $1000. Therefore, Cubs victories save lives, see. It’s the transitive property.
3. Ryan Theriot’s last name spells THE RIOT. Call him that.
4. We’ve got bad guys. So you like a little fire and temper? Meet Carlos Zambrano, a walking poster child of untreated bipolar disorder. Let’s hope he goes manic for October. Call him Z. He references himself in third person and punched our catcher on June 2 which sparked our postseason run.
5. Dedication to the cause includes believing it can happen but, more than that, it is believing that the individual fan matters. Positive energy is key. As Ghandi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world Cubs.”
6. Bartman did not cause us to lose in 2003. Repeat this 5 times before each game.
7. Some form of Cubs paraphernalia should be displayed, if possible. Print off a Cubs slogan from the internet. Print off a picture of a baby bear. Whatever suits your aesthetic tastes. (Really, anything with a C will do unless it’s followed by “ardinals”.)
8. Thousands of Cubs fans die each year without having seen a World Series. If that doesn’t make you jump on the bandwagon of misery, nothing will.
9. The Curse of the Goat does not exist. Repeat this 5 times after the 5th inning.
10. Our manager is Lou Piniella. He’s a few pinstripes short of a jersey, if you know what I mean.
11. Develop a handshake for good things that happen. My preference involves fist bumps, wiggly fingers, and hip shaking. Yours can be anything. Just have one.
12. Know thy enemy: Cardinals fans, Brewers fans, and the Yankees. Those people would like nothing more than to add to the curse and, well, isn’t that just mean?
13. Game time is 9 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday. Don’t sigh and tell me that’s too late to watch. Dedication, people. We can go on little sleep for two days. When you are quizzed on how the second out in the top of the 7th was made, you best know.
14. Rally caps will most likely need to be used. Turn the hat inside out, put it on your head, and appeal to the ghosts of Tinker, Evers, and Chance. Just do it. Don’t ask.
15. Tom Hanks was not a Cubs fan. There may be crying in baseball.
16. Ron Santo had both legs amputated and Joe Morgan’s crew refuses to let him into the Hall of Fame. He has been sick a lot this year. He needs this. Think of him when it’s 10:15 and you’re falling asleep in the third inning.
17. Children are useful. Sacrifice yours to the Cubs cause. Get them enthused. Have them make posters and put them up in your living room. “It’s Gonna Happen” is a good slogan. Cocky and heartbreaking, but a good slogan.
18. Wear blue. Buy Cubs gear. Some of us spent $58 on “Division Champs” shirts. Join us.
19. If you’re lucky, some third base coach will send a runner on Alfonso Soriano. Watching him throw out baserunners may be the most beautiful play in baseball.
20. In the end, we thank you for your support in our time of need hope. Together, we may break those curses that don’t exist. And if not, well, it doesn’t really matter to me. Nope. Not at all. *sighs* Oh, well. When in doubt, just give hugs.
Hi and welcome to the postseason! You are receiving this informative guide because someone you know is about to embark on that wondrous journey of a Cubs playoff run and you are going to care/pretend to care/not care but be forced to listen. Therefore, it is pertinent that you read and understand the following points to help you through this difficult exciting time.
The Guide For Being an Honorary Cubs Fan in 2007
1. “Wait Till Next Year” was the slogan of the Brooklyn Dodgers in the 1940s and 1950s. Cubs fans have had 98 “next years”. That’s a few past being a slogan.
2. We’ve got good guys. Derrek Lee has a charity for his daughter who has a rare genetic disease causing her to lose vision. Every time he homers, the charity gets $1000. Therefore, Cubs victories save lives, see. It’s the transitive property.
3. Ryan Theriot’s last name spells THE RIOT. Call him that.
4. We’ve got bad guys. So you like a little fire and temper? Meet Carlos Zambrano, a walking poster child of untreated bipolar disorder. Let’s hope he goes manic for October. Call him Z. He references himself in third person and punched our catcher on June 2 which sparked our postseason run.
5. Dedication to the cause includes believing it can happen but, more than that, it is believing that the individual fan matters. Positive energy is key. As Ghandi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world Cubs.”
6. Bartman did not cause us to lose in 2003. Repeat this 5 times before each game.
7. Some form of Cubs paraphernalia should be displayed, if possible. Print off a Cubs slogan from the internet. Print off a picture of a baby bear. Whatever suits your aesthetic tastes. (Really, anything with a C will do unless it’s followed by “ardinals”.)
8. Thousands of Cubs fans die each year without having seen a World Series. If that doesn’t make you jump on the bandwagon of misery, nothing will.
9. The Curse of the Goat does not exist. Repeat this 5 times after the 5th inning.
10. Our manager is Lou Piniella. He’s a few pinstripes short of a jersey, if you know what I mean.
11. Develop a handshake for good things that happen. My preference involves fist bumps, wiggly fingers, and hip shaking. Yours can be anything. Just have one.
12. Know thy enemy: Cardinals fans, Brewers fans, and the Yankees. Those people would like nothing more than to add to the curse and, well, isn’t that just mean?
13. Game time is 9 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday. Don’t sigh and tell me that’s too late to watch. Dedication, people. We can go on little sleep for two days. When you are quizzed on how the second out in the top of the 7th was made, you best know.
14. Rally caps will most likely need to be used. Turn the hat inside out, put it on your head, and appeal to the ghosts of Tinker, Evers, and Chance. Just do it. Don’t ask.
15. Tom Hanks was not a Cubs fan. There may be crying in baseball.
16. Ron Santo had both legs amputated and Joe Morgan’s crew refuses to let him into the Hall of Fame. He has been sick a lot this year. He needs this. Think of him when it’s 10:15 and you’re falling asleep in the third inning.
17. Children are useful. Sacrifice yours to the Cubs cause. Get them enthused. Have them make posters and put them up in your living room. “It’s Gonna Happen” is a good slogan. Cocky and heartbreaking, but a good slogan.
18. Wear blue. Buy Cubs gear. Some of us spent $58 on “Division Champs” shirts. Join us.
19. If you’re lucky, some third base coach will send a runner on Alfonso Soriano. Watching him throw out baserunners may be the most beautiful play in baseball.
20. In the end, we thank you for your support in our time of need hope. Together, we may break those curses that don’t exist. And if not, well, it doesn’t really matter to me. Nope. Not at all. *sighs* Oh, well. When in doubt, just give hugs.