of living a quarter century (warning: rambling post is rambling)
So tomorrow's my birthday. I'll be 26. I figure it's been too long of too many just archived twitter messages and thought a real post was needed. Well, I've been wanting to post for a few weeks now, of various things. Of the major meta-ing i wanted to do when i jumped into the nu!trek fandom (yep, star trek has been keeping my attenting for a bit now despite having originally disliked the new movie), of a recent death in the neighborhood but it was like family, of the ups and downs i go through daily and, of course of my birthday tomorrow. Nothing special as it is the middle week and lately my mind hasn't been able to comprehend PLANNING AHEAD (and with what's tentatively planned for July, that's a bad thing). My parents took the day off but mum has a doctor's appointment and she got called in for jury duty. dunno really why my father took the day off as he didn't have anything really planned either. But he needs the rest when he can so I don't mind.
Pretty much didn't pass any of my classes in the spring as I kinda just gave up at spring break. i think part of it was crushed that i couldn't make up a class and it would take me longer to get out of City.
Had planned to take one class in the summer but never got around to it. had planned to get a job too but as i'm too selfish to not cancel my july plans, and not being able to find the kind of job i wanted (earlier on, haven't checked recently) jobless. Well, I have a web design commission, but dunno how much I'll get paid for that. I'm just hoping it'll cover my plane ride to LA for a masq that my mum doesn't want me to go to cause she's probably babied me too much in life she doesn't know how not to freak out when i do things with out them (in the rare times that I do do such things).
Told pip the other day I wanted to take a break (which is funny since tech haven't i been on break since the better part of the year?) and not have to worry about school... i'm so freaking close yet feeling so far. but i'm seriously sick of school. there were classes i enjoyed, and Japanese was fun but since I can't take any more till i'm in a different school it feels like why bother... but damn it if a degree didn't help me get the jobs i want.
i wish i had the proper discipline to freelance. i think i could at least make an okay income freelancing and networking. but i'm so lazy, it's really ridiculous and sad y'all. i have the ideas, but no energy to write... to get that novel i promised myself years ago i'd have written before i turned 26...
But tomorrow I'll be 26 and a quarter of my life will be done and what have I done with that first quarter? Nothing that'll keep me going for the next. Don't mind me, just being a bit melodramatic atm.
As much as they hurt me, I miss my old friends. With them I had this illusion of a great close friendship, of believing that people not my family were thinking of me on a daily basis (and i them), and of being cared for in a way that only a physical frienship could. I still have a bit of that, luckily, with some of my HS friends and I'm so grateful for that. And I know that if not for y'all, my online friends, I dunno where I'd be right now, that I wouldn't have the happieness I do have (thank you so much for being here). I don't think I've healed from their breakup so I cling to the ones I have and only make half the effort I used to because I'm afraid anymore and I'll be once again that way-too-clingy-why-are-we-friends kind of person that Tony & Cory and a few other people accused me of being back in the day.
Ugh, maybe I need to get laid... (hah, like that'll happen the way I look) Maybe I just needed to get this out so that hopefully I can sleep again like a somewhat normal person. XD I've somewhat started an exercise program, hopefully I'll stick to it. I'm tired of being lonely.
Hopefully you'll see more from me. Probably a bit more star trek stuff before I get back to snupin (i have one finished fic that I really need to finish the edits on), as star trek's eaten my brain and hey... any creative product is better than NO creative product. It'll be slash (mccoy/bones ftGQw) probably...And probably more art. I've done one art so far (yay, i really want to get back into drawing again) that you can view here, don't worry it's pretty much work safe.
Sorry for the rambling, but I'm just glad I was able to make this post. And sorry, my irrational self doesn't want to LJ-CUT this. *hugs flist* Thanks for putting up with me. Maybe when I'm 26, I'll be easier to handle. ^^
Pretty much didn't pass any of my classes in the spring as I kinda just gave up at spring break. i think part of it was crushed that i couldn't make up a class and it would take me longer to get out of City.
Had planned to take one class in the summer but never got around to it. had planned to get a job too but as i'm too selfish to not cancel my july plans, and not being able to find the kind of job i wanted (earlier on, haven't checked recently) jobless. Well, I have a web design commission, but dunno how much I'll get paid for that. I'm just hoping it'll cover my plane ride to LA for a masq that my mum doesn't want me to go to cause she's probably babied me too much in life she doesn't know how not to freak out when i do things with out them (in the rare times that I do do such things).
Told pip the other day I wanted to take a break (which is funny since tech haven't i been on break since the better part of the year?) and not have to worry about school... i'm so freaking close yet feeling so far. but i'm seriously sick of school. there were classes i enjoyed, and Japanese was fun but since I can't take any more till i'm in a different school it feels like why bother... but damn it if a degree didn't help me get the jobs i want.
i wish i had the proper discipline to freelance. i think i could at least make an okay income freelancing and networking. but i'm so lazy, it's really ridiculous and sad y'all. i have the ideas, but no energy to write... to get that novel i promised myself years ago i'd have written before i turned 26...
But tomorrow I'll be 26 and a quarter of my life will be done and what have I done with that first quarter? Nothing that'll keep me going for the next. Don't mind me, just being a bit melodramatic atm.
As much as they hurt me, I miss my old friends. With them I had this illusion of a great close friendship, of believing that people not my family were thinking of me on a daily basis (and i them), and of being cared for in a way that only a physical frienship could. I still have a bit of that, luckily, with some of my HS friends and I'm so grateful for that. And I know that if not for y'all, my online friends, I dunno where I'd be right now, that I wouldn't have the happieness I do have (thank you so much for being here). I don't think I've healed from their breakup so I cling to the ones I have and only make half the effort I used to because I'm afraid anymore and I'll be once again that way-too-clingy-why-are-we-friends kind of person that Tony & Cory and a few other people accused me of being back in the day.
Ugh, maybe I need to get laid... (hah, like that'll happen the way I look) Maybe I just needed to get this out so that hopefully I can sleep again like a somewhat normal person. XD I've somewhat started an exercise program, hopefully I'll stick to it. I'm tired of being lonely.
Hopefully you'll see more from me. Probably a bit more star trek stuff before I get back to snupin (i have one finished fic that I really need to finish the edits on), as star trek's eaten my brain and hey... any creative product is better than NO creative product. It'll be slash (mccoy/bones ftGQw) probably...And probably more art. I've done one art so far (yay, i really want to get back into drawing again) that you can view here, don't worry it's pretty much work safe.
Sorry for the rambling, but I'm just glad I was able to make this post. And sorry, my irrational self doesn't want to LJ-CUT this. *hugs flist* Thanks for putting up with me. Maybe when I'm 26, I'll be easier to handle. ^^