(no subject)
This week has been crazy. My life is in upheaval, and I might come out on top or I might not. I don't know.
Wednesday I went to Jager's apartment but he wasn't there. He's training to be a cook so he got off work like an hour and a half late. So I ate dinner with Matthew and Paul and helped judge Matthew and his friend's cooking contest. So Hunter came home and we just sat on the porch and talked til almost midnight. Paul eventually came out too. I really see that guy as a completely different person outside of work. Anyway, I've not really been having second thoughts about my Jager but I just wonder if he's good for me. I don't know. He doesn't have a lot of drive, I found out he voted for Bush (he's a lot less conservative than the rest of his family because they're ultra conservative but it still sucks), and he's not intelligent in the book smarts sort of way. He's incredibly kind and intuitive and deep but sometimes I just feel lost. I don't know.
And I think my dad knows about "us." That night I was talking to Eli on IM and when I put up an away message the window didn't close, and in the morning I came down here and the window was maximized and my away message was off. Eli asked if we were dating, and I told him no but we kiss a lot. God. Any my dad knows that.
He only got into one college, Uni of Miami in Ohio to study acting, and he dropped out after semester b/c of mental health. But he's not planning on going back to college because he still is convinced he is going to make enough money to move to hollywood and act.
Speaking of college, I took my SATs yesterday. I was there at 7:30 in the morning and left at 1pm. The test had 10 sections. It was terribly boring, and a marching band was practicing outside.
I worked last night and today and it was horrible. Last night, a coworked gave me the finger because I thought he was joking about something that he wasn't. He mentioned about how I wouldn't believe all the shit they go through, and I bit my lip because runners have the most demanding and least paying job there and are the least respected. Today some of the waitstaff weren't mising their tables, I kept getting yelled at by the chef when I didn't carry stuff to tables because my hands were full, and I kept getting yelled at when waitstaff gave us wrong table numbers. And the waitstaff don't realise how hard the job is and how I get paid less than half as much as they do. I had to try really hard not to quit.
Also, after getting over my initial lethargy, at about noon, I started freaking out and getting jittery because I think I had too much ephedrine and too much caffeine and too much acetomenaphin. I just took so much because I was so fatigued.
This week, a friend ended up in the hospital because of drugs-related issues. And it's not like I don't dabble or care when people do do drugs as long as they are not abusing themselves or their friends, but when his friends were talking about him, wondering if he was okay, the conversation turned to where they could score some more drugs. I wonder if that's the point, if they see what's wrong, or if they are different from him. I don't know.
Today, after work, about a half hour ago, my mum brought a magazine over to me to ask me what I thought of a certain laptop. I asked why she needed a laptop when we've got this, but she told me she thought it was time to get one. She then told me that she talked to a coworker yesterday about renting a room in her house. Tentatively, the end of the month, my mum is going to move out. I'm going to dislike just living with my dad here, but I imagine he'll realise he can't pay the mortgage as he doesn't pay his $600 half of the mortgage or any other bills now, and we'll sell the house. Either way, I'm happy for her because she's worrying about herself for once. I've told her she's needed to do that all along.
Basically, with my dad, he's been getting paranoid that she's planning something against him, he keeps bringing up some time before they were married when they'd broken up with each other and she dated another guy and told my dad to fuck off. I think there's more than that. She might have done something like lost her virginity to that guy or something, but now when they get in arguments he still brings that up. He hasn't gotten past that even though after that he asked her to marry him. He's been trying to sabotage her getting out of the tax thing, and has been more argumentative, especially onc ehe's taken his sleeping pills. It's going to suck because I'm going to have to be more mindful of making sure he goes to sleep before stumbling around. His back is going, his balance has gotten terrible and for some reason his hands twitch and occaisonally lose feeling. I don't think he's in good health, but I'm glad my mum can leave and not have to worry about helping or not helping him. Hopefully she actually goes through with it.
Wednesday I went to Jager's apartment but he wasn't there. He's training to be a cook so he got off work like an hour and a half late. So I ate dinner with Matthew and Paul and helped judge Matthew and his friend's cooking contest. So Hunter came home and we just sat on the porch and talked til almost midnight. Paul eventually came out too. I really see that guy as a completely different person outside of work. Anyway, I've not really been having second thoughts about my Jager but I just wonder if he's good for me. I don't know. He doesn't have a lot of drive, I found out he voted for Bush (he's a lot less conservative than the rest of his family because they're ultra conservative but it still sucks), and he's not intelligent in the book smarts sort of way. He's incredibly kind and intuitive and deep but sometimes I just feel lost. I don't know.
And I think my dad knows about "us." That night I was talking to Eli on IM and when I put up an away message the window didn't close, and in the morning I came down here and the window was maximized and my away message was off. Eli asked if we were dating, and I told him no but we kiss a lot. God. Any my dad knows that.
He only got into one college, Uni of Miami in Ohio to study acting, and he dropped out after semester b/c of mental health. But he's not planning on going back to college because he still is convinced he is going to make enough money to move to hollywood and act.
Speaking of college, I took my SATs yesterday. I was there at 7:30 in the morning and left at 1pm. The test had 10 sections. It was terribly boring, and a marching band was practicing outside.
I worked last night and today and it was horrible. Last night, a coworked gave me the finger because I thought he was joking about something that he wasn't. He mentioned about how I wouldn't believe all the shit they go through, and I bit my lip because runners have the most demanding and least paying job there and are the least respected. Today some of the waitstaff weren't mising their tables, I kept getting yelled at by the chef when I didn't carry stuff to tables because my hands were full, and I kept getting yelled at when waitstaff gave us wrong table numbers. And the waitstaff don't realise how hard the job is and how I get paid less than half as much as they do. I had to try really hard not to quit.
Also, after getting over my initial lethargy, at about noon, I started freaking out and getting jittery because I think I had too much ephedrine and too much caffeine and too much acetomenaphin. I just took so much because I was so fatigued.
This week, a friend ended up in the hospital because of drugs-related issues. And it's not like I don't dabble or care when people do do drugs as long as they are not abusing themselves or their friends, but when his friends were talking about him, wondering if he was okay, the conversation turned to where they could score some more drugs. I wonder if that's the point, if they see what's wrong, or if they are different from him. I don't know.
Today, after work, about a half hour ago, my mum brought a magazine over to me to ask me what I thought of a certain laptop. I asked why she needed a laptop when we've got this, but she told me she thought it was time to get one. She then told me that she talked to a coworker yesterday about renting a room in her house. Tentatively, the end of the month, my mum is going to move out. I'm going to dislike just living with my dad here, but I imagine he'll realise he can't pay the mortgage as he doesn't pay his $600 half of the mortgage or any other bills now, and we'll sell the house. Either way, I'm happy for her because she's worrying about herself for once. I've told her she's needed to do that all along.
Basically, with my dad, he's been getting paranoid that she's planning something against him, he keeps bringing up some time before they were married when they'd broken up with each other and she dated another guy and told my dad to fuck off. I think there's more than that. She might have done something like lost her virginity to that guy or something, but now when they get in arguments he still brings that up. He hasn't gotten past that even though after that he asked her to marry him. He's been trying to sabotage her getting out of the tax thing, and has been more argumentative, especially onc ehe's taken his sleeping pills. It's going to suck because I'm going to have to be more mindful of making sure he goes to sleep before stumbling around. His back is going, his balance has gotten terrible and for some reason his hands twitch and occaisonally lose feeling. I don't think he's in good health, but I'm glad my mum can leave and not have to worry about helping or not helping him. Hopefully she actually goes through with it.