(no subject)
I don't know if anyone will actually read this, I think approximately 0 people care. But that is ok, what i did was horrible...
Nick, if you read this is I am so sorry, I am a horrible person and there is no excuse for what I have done.
I guess it doesn't really matter anyway, no one has even contacted me to abuse me or anything. I wish I was back in Te Aroha, at least then I wouldn't have any friends to be sad about losing.
Getting through the days is hard, everything I see i can't help wondering if I could kill myself with it. I haven't done too much damage to myself yet, but I can feel the pressure building.
I am going to quit my job, it's too hard having to smile and be polite after doing a few quick cuts out the back.
I feel so horrible, I would like to think it will pass eventually, but i'm not so sure.
I keep thinking of all the wonderful things Nick has done for me, and it's so hard to remember all the times he made me feel like an idiot as well.
But as bad as things are I know they should be much worse, and I am not suffering as much as I should be.
I would have told him, but I didn't have the courage, which is is stupid looking back, but I have always been too scared to do a lot of things. I am sad that he had to find out through someone else, and I don't even know who it is.
Nick thinks I am a tramp and a tart (interesting choice of insults) but I want him to know that i never planned for this to happen, and I never wanted to hurt him.
I am sorry too to everyone else, I am sorry to lose your company and your friendship, but I guess you never cared anyway, why else would there be this utter silence? I have not heard a single damn thing from anyone.
Well Nick seems happy now, which is more than I could ever give him.
So i don't really know why I am posting this here, this is getting really rambling, but I think if I tried to contact anyone directly they would just ignore it.
I love you and miss you all, I had hoped to say goodbye in person but I guess that will never happen now.
Nick, if you read this is I am so sorry, I am a horrible person and there is no excuse for what I have done.
I guess it doesn't really matter anyway, no one has even contacted me to abuse me or anything. I wish I was back in Te Aroha, at least then I wouldn't have any friends to be sad about losing.
Getting through the days is hard, everything I see i can't help wondering if I could kill myself with it. I haven't done too much damage to myself yet, but I can feel the pressure building.
I am going to quit my job, it's too hard having to smile and be polite after doing a few quick cuts out the back.
I feel so horrible, I would like to think it will pass eventually, but i'm not so sure.
I keep thinking of all the wonderful things Nick has done for me, and it's so hard to remember all the times he made me feel like an idiot as well.
But as bad as things are I know they should be much worse, and I am not suffering as much as I should be.
I would have told him, but I didn't have the courage, which is is stupid looking back, but I have always been too scared to do a lot of things. I am sad that he had to find out through someone else, and I don't even know who it is.
Nick thinks I am a tramp and a tart (interesting choice of insults) but I want him to know that i never planned for this to happen, and I never wanted to hurt him.
I am sorry too to everyone else, I am sorry to lose your company and your friendship, but I guess you never cared anyway, why else would there be this utter silence? I have not heard a single damn thing from anyone.
Well Nick seems happy now, which is more than I could ever give him.
So i don't really know why I am posting this here, this is getting really rambling, but I think if I tried to contact anyone directly they would just ignore it.
I love you and miss you all, I had hoped to say goodbye in person but I guess that will never happen now.