i feel accomplished-ish
i mastered the art of driving a jeep. i mastered the art of driving a stick shift. kinda makes me want one. makes me want a jeep too. got some sun. went offroading. got a mild concussion. they gave me advil and said take it easy. saw mr. and mrs. smith. not quite what i thought it would be. brangelina gave birth today. its a girl. im rambling. i know you really dont care about the stuff im rambling about. but im gonna do it anyway. it keeps me from blaming myself for things. i feel accomplished-ish because my mom has offered alcohol to me numerous times since we got down here and i had a sip of a beer i'd never heard of. thats it. she told me i could get as drunk as i wanted to tonight cuz i had had a rough day and i seemed sad. i turned her down. in fact i have been drinking water all evening. im over the outdoors. i want to go home. i am, however, excited about the sand dunes tomorrow. i love that place and frankly, even though i've been there, i feel like its my first time experiencing the place. i do have the desire to get drunk(out of pure habit) to forget for the evening. but im not gonna cuz its pointless. i do want to cut myself into a million little pieces knowing that i fucked everything up. but im not gonna cuz then i would truly fuck everything up because i'd break countless promises. and i keep my promises. i need to finish my journey of the soul paper so i can turn it in tuesday, late, of course. but better late and amazing than on time and half ass. okay well off to bed. we have to get going early to go to the sand dunes because its nicer in the morning before people get there. im gonna make it. once i quit blaming myself.
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