(no subject)
noon today was the first i've eaten since dinner last night...i barely finished dinner...and what i ate at lunch today i ate half cuz it was making me sick. i got hungry late last nite but i settled for a coke bcuz if i would have eaten it would have been pointless...i would have thrown it up. i woke myself up last night crying...i was crying so hard in my sleep that i woke myself up. never done that one before...must have been bad. i woke up at 10 and couldnt go back to sleep although i really needed to and frankly i wanted to go back to sleep and never wake up again. my arms are still scarred...no new memories inscribed. oddly. i figured i'd slice myself to pieces and show no remorse. my mom is not letting me skip my trip to memphis even though i prolly will have 20 dollars for the enitre week if that. then im worried how im gunna get home. well back to colorado. my mom is now wondering why she even took this job because it has done nothing but tear us(the family) apart and put her farther into debt. i tried to give this move the benefit of the doubt. if she knew she wouldnt lose her job and be reeeally broke...she and i would pack up a truck and move back to memphis. plain and simple. i kinda wish she would. but i guess we gotta make the most of it until a.) she loses her job(which i hope DOES NOT happen) or b.) convinces the company that she needs to be closer to her father because his health is failing. here lately the only person i can trust is cristy and some of my faithful online buddies. i honestly do not want any sympathy whatsoever. i juss need ppl to listen and if available give helpful advice. thats all...juss ppl to listen. or read or w/e okay comment if you want...it just doesnt seem to matter anymore