Public Post: An Open Letter to Reichen Lehmkuhl
Dear Reichen:
So, you've decided to be a Lance girl. Congratulations! I think you'll find we're an enjoyable group to be part of. (The title has nothing to do with one's personal plumbing, of course; a good number of the Lance girls I know are, by traditional standards, boys. But the name just sounds better that way.)
I was going to address this letter to Lance himself, but he's slightly drowning in gushy love and admiration and pride and support right now. Not that he deserves any less, as I'm sure you'll agree, but I notice you're getting glossed over as a little extra piece of gossip in this whole situation. When, really, as far as immediate daily life, this big step of his affects you a lot more than it does any of us.
Let me fill you in a little bit about the history of our little gang here. We're underdogs. A fierce minority, even back in NSYNC's heyday. See, Lance was always sort of the odd man out. Maybe not with the guys themselves -- I'm sure you've witnessed that devotion firsthand -- but to the press and most of the world. So those of us who took to him had our work cut out for us. Lots of funny looks and lack of understanding. He was awkward and pale and tended to miss dance steps and didn't even sing lead on any of the songs. Why were we so fascinated with this kid?
Well, odds are, you know all the answers to that question. His genuineness. His loyalty. His devoted love for God, country, family and boyband. His slight shy nature, that wasn't quite sure what he was doing here in the first place and didn't understand the attention. His quick, sly, sarcastic wit that hid just under the surface. His compassion. His open friendliness and acceptance of whatever new things life threw at him. His boundless ambition and endless optimism.
And OK, the big green eyes and the bodacious ass didn't hurt either, but trust me, those things were a lot harder to notice back in the day. We referred to the mid-to-late-90s as his "Ellen phase" for a reason.
So there's a lot of deeply-ingrained defensiveness in our collective minds towards Lance. As much as most of us at some point wanted to marry him -- more than that, we want to take care of him. These rumors tore a lot of us apart. Not because we were afraid or ashamed of his sexuality (most of us have had an inkling for a while) and certainly not because we had any problem with you (I've heard it said more than once that Lance has better taste in boys than Justin has in girls) -- but because, quite frankly, it wasn't anybody's damn business. We have a lot of experience with people bothering our boy about stuff, and the act itself is more our problem than whatever is behind it. That is Lance. We are Lance girls. You do not mess with him without incurring our wrath. You know how Jack had Karen? Lance has a few thousand of her.
You'll understand, then, why this is bittersweet for us. If he's happy, we're happy. If you make him happy, we like you. But it stings to think he was harassed into this by people who honestly only care about it for the sake of sensationalism. Now that the mystery's gone, it'll probably be news for a week or two and then fade off. As nice as it's been to see him in the news again, he deserves to be left alone about it.
Now, with your history lesson out of the way -- welcome to the fold. NSYNC fans collectively get pretty attached to our boys' significant others (with a couple of notable exceptions in the past, whom we were usually right about, if I can brag a moment). Cause hey, if there's one thing we know how to do, it's love the stuffings out of one of those boys. And while our numbers aren't what they once were, there's still enough of us that we're pretty good at sharing, too.
Personally I'm thrilled that he has someone special in his life. As much as we love him, you can love him in ways we can't. And I'm not necessarily going for the obvious joke there. We can type at his MySpace all we want… most of us aren't going to get the chance to hold him tight and kiss his pretty forehead, and tell him how proud of him we are. So, as part of this deal, I think it only fair that we expect you to do it enough for all of us.
Your boy is more loved than he's ever known, more than he ever will know, more than we can ever tell him. I just hope you understand it's not in a way that's bitter or jealous towards you. OK, jealous a little, maybe. But for the most part, we are nothing but thrilled for the both of you. My only wish is that you appreciate him as much and treat him as well as we would if we had the chance. Because given what I mentioned already, it should go without saying that if you break our baby's precious heart, it won't matter how hot you are; they'll find your decomposing body in a back alley in West Hollywood somewhere a few months from now with evidence of a mysterious body glitter overdose.
But somehow, I doubt we're gonna have that problem. Call it instinct. So hey -- you bring the orange juice and embarrassing bedroom stories, we'll bring the vodka and baby pictures. Welcome to the party, hon.
XOXO,
Rainee Sue
So, you've decided to be a Lance girl. Congratulations! I think you'll find we're an enjoyable group to be part of. (The title has nothing to do with one's personal plumbing, of course; a good number of the Lance girls I know are, by traditional standards, boys. But the name just sounds better that way.)
I was going to address this letter to Lance himself, but he's slightly drowning in gushy love and admiration and pride and support right now. Not that he deserves any less, as I'm sure you'll agree, but I notice you're getting glossed over as a little extra piece of gossip in this whole situation. When, really, as far as immediate daily life, this big step of his affects you a lot more than it does any of us.
Let me fill you in a little bit about the history of our little gang here. We're underdogs. A fierce minority, even back in NSYNC's heyday. See, Lance was always sort of the odd man out. Maybe not with the guys themselves -- I'm sure you've witnessed that devotion firsthand -- but to the press and most of the world. So those of us who took to him had our work cut out for us. Lots of funny looks and lack of understanding. He was awkward and pale and tended to miss dance steps and didn't even sing lead on any of the songs. Why were we so fascinated with this kid?
Well, odds are, you know all the answers to that question. His genuineness. His loyalty. His devoted love for God, country, family and boyband. His slight shy nature, that wasn't quite sure what he was doing here in the first place and didn't understand the attention. His quick, sly, sarcastic wit that hid just under the surface. His compassion. His open friendliness and acceptance of whatever new things life threw at him. His boundless ambition and endless optimism.
And OK, the big green eyes and the bodacious ass didn't hurt either, but trust me, those things were a lot harder to notice back in the day. We referred to the mid-to-late-90s as his "Ellen phase" for a reason.
So there's a lot of deeply-ingrained defensiveness in our collective minds towards Lance. As much as most of us at some point wanted to marry him -- more than that, we want to take care of him. These rumors tore a lot of us apart. Not because we were afraid or ashamed of his sexuality (most of us have had an inkling for a while) and certainly not because we had any problem with you (I've heard it said more than once that Lance has better taste in boys than Justin has in girls) -- but because, quite frankly, it wasn't anybody's damn business. We have a lot of experience with people bothering our boy about stuff, and the act itself is more our problem than whatever is behind it. That is Lance. We are Lance girls. You do not mess with him without incurring our wrath. You know how Jack had Karen? Lance has a few thousand of her.
You'll understand, then, why this is bittersweet for us. If he's happy, we're happy. If you make him happy, we like you. But it stings to think he was harassed into this by people who honestly only care about it for the sake of sensationalism. Now that the mystery's gone, it'll probably be news for a week or two and then fade off. As nice as it's been to see him in the news again, he deserves to be left alone about it.
Now, with your history lesson out of the way -- welcome to the fold. NSYNC fans collectively get pretty attached to our boys' significant others (with a couple of notable exceptions in the past, whom we were usually right about, if I can brag a moment). Cause hey, if there's one thing we know how to do, it's love the stuffings out of one of those boys. And while our numbers aren't what they once were, there's still enough of us that we're pretty good at sharing, too.
Personally I'm thrilled that he has someone special in his life. As much as we love him, you can love him in ways we can't. And I'm not necessarily going for the obvious joke there. We can type at his MySpace all we want… most of us aren't going to get the chance to hold him tight and kiss his pretty forehead, and tell him how proud of him we are. So, as part of this deal, I think it only fair that we expect you to do it enough for all of us.
Your boy is more loved than he's ever known, more than he ever will know, more than we can ever tell him. I just hope you understand it's not in a way that's bitter or jealous towards you. OK, jealous a little, maybe. But for the most part, we are nothing but thrilled for the both of you. My only wish is that you appreciate him as much and treat him as well as we would if we had the chance. Because given what I mentioned already, it should go without saying that if you break our baby's precious heart, it won't matter how hot you are; they'll find your decomposing body in a back alley in West Hollywood somewhere a few months from now with evidence of a mysterious body glitter overdose.
But somehow, I doubt we're gonna have that problem. Call it instinct. So hey -- you bring the orange juice and embarrassing bedroom stories, we'll bring the vodka and baby pictures. Welcome to the party, hon.
XOXO,
Rainee Sue