(no subject)
I was great once. I was everything that I thought I should be. My dad (and Tim Curry) promised me when I was little that if I could dream it, I could be it. And I think I've gotten FABULOUS at dreaming...It's the being part that scares me half to death. I've searched for inspiration at every possible avenue and come to find that you can't search for it; much like love, it's dropped into your lap at the worst possible time. For once in my life, I am at a loss for everything. I have no idea how to put down in words the fear that overcomes me each time I sit down and stare at the blank page waiting for something to come, the overwhelming feeling of emptiness everytime I see Jeff, or the frightening (yet somewhat exciting) realization that I can no longer pay my rent. These are my stumbling blocks and if I'm not careful they will become my Waterloo.
In just a few days, my entire life was changed. While I haven't figured out just why yet, I do know this is for the better. I do know that I am working my rear end off in the rival retailer of my former employer for some reason that is unbeknownst to me currently. I make less than half of what I made at my previous position, but for some strange reason, I am enjoying it. Now don't get me wrong, some days I want to be that yuppie with the Starbucks Chai Latte, clocking into the big blue monster and happily quoting and carrying out Mr. Sam's ideals. But I can laugh loudly when one of those yuppies comes in, glancing me over a few times and feeling desperately sorry that I am working as a cashier...and they always do. The majority of my classmates have stuck around here. NWA is one of the fastest growing areas in the country. I see old classmates and professors quite a bit. I do know that this is temporary and that right now I am not realizing my potential, but I can't dwell on it. I have get up, put on my red and khaki, forget that I have a $40,000 education, smile excessively and try to make ends meet. Finally...something to write about.
I have an uncontrollable urge to cry everytime I'm in the presence of my significant other. I like him. I do. Most of the time, he's funny, caring and just plain fun. But when he isn't... I end up hearing about everything that I've done wrong since he's met me, how I'm inadequate, and how I'm not the Princess that my Dad once told that if I could dream it, I could be it. I know that I am not perfect by any means of the word, but I know that I am not as horrible as he makes me feel. I know that I am spoiled and sometimes a little selfish, but I cannot "smother" someone I've seen twice in the last two weeks. I don't want to be someone else's burden.
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
In just a few days, my entire life was changed. While I haven't figured out just why yet, I do know this is for the better. I do know that I am working my rear end off in the rival retailer of my former employer for some reason that is unbeknownst to me currently. I make less than half of what I made at my previous position, but for some strange reason, I am enjoying it. Now don't get me wrong, some days I want to be that yuppie with the Starbucks Chai Latte, clocking into the big blue monster and happily quoting and carrying out Mr. Sam's ideals. But I can laugh loudly when one of those yuppies comes in, glancing me over a few times and feeling desperately sorry that I am working as a cashier...and they always do. The majority of my classmates have stuck around here. NWA is one of the fastest growing areas in the country. I see old classmates and professors quite a bit. I do know that this is temporary and that right now I am not realizing my potential, but I can't dwell on it. I have get up, put on my red and khaki, forget that I have a $40,000 education, smile excessively and try to make ends meet. Finally...something to write about.
I have an uncontrollable urge to cry everytime I'm in the presence of my significant other. I like him. I do. Most of the time, he's funny, caring and just plain fun. But when he isn't... I end up hearing about everything that I've done wrong since he's met me, how I'm inadequate, and how I'm not the Princess that my Dad once told that if I could dream it, I could be it. I know that I am not perfect by any means of the word, but I know that I am not as horrible as he makes me feel. I know that I am spoiled and sometimes a little selfish, but I cannot "smother" someone I've seen twice in the last two weeks. I don't want to be someone else's burden.
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt