(no subject)
the academy is; rise of the fall tour series, 2005
a decade under the influence (6/10)
mike / william, 2441 words
-- sad, small, sure in porcelain, you're skin and bones, i'm a nervous wreck; i got a bad feeling about this (i'm coming over but it never was enough, i thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you)
William is nowhere to be found.
Mike is in the middle of a half-hearted attempt at a discussion about who shot first: Greedo or Han. Nick says Greedo, Chad insists it was Han and Mike really couldn't care less. They have this same conversation every time they get together and they never agree. William always says they shot at the first time but Han's reflexes were quicker and that usually settles things. Without him here to head things off, it will turn into a full fledged argument during which Mike will just get up and walk away. When Chad and Nick start arguing, especially when they start arguing about Star Wars, it's just best to flee the scene.
The party started about an hour ago when Tony decided to call everyone he knew in new york and take advantage of the venue's fully stocked bar. William has entertained everyone for a while before circling back to Mike, whispering that he'd be back in a few minutes, and disappearing out of the room. It had been more than just a few minutes and still, William didn't return.
Mike only knows a handful of people here, but he does his usual best at making small talk. It's easier with Bill around-- he's the natural sweet talker, takes the reins in most conversations and he has this way of draping his arm around Mike's shoulders, elegant and nonchalant and making him feel less out of place.
Now, engaged in idle talk with Tony and the Butcher, Mike is still scouring the crowd for a glimpse of William.
It usually doesn't bother him, when William disappears like this. Bill is prone to wandering, so is Mike, but they always find each other eventually. Mike starts to get restless, starts to get nervous, when William is missing for too long. He starts to have insane thoughts about him being kidnapped and held for ransom in exchange for Pete, or waking up in bathtubs with his kidney missing. It's the sort of thing William would get himself into, really, the sort of thing he needs Mike around to make sure doesn't happen.
Tom, Mike notices, is also nowhere to be found.
Tom's whereabouts wouldn't normally bother Mike too much, but Danielle is sitting pretty on the couch against the wall with her legs over Casey and a plastic cup of beer in her hands, and if he isn't with Danielle, but he isn't in the room, well, Mike can only draw one conclusion.
It shouldn't bother him if William and Tom are together right now, it shouldn't. He doesn't mind when Bill and Sisky vanish into the night to lay in the middle of the street and almost get hit by cars, or when Bill and the Butcher lose themselves in fields and small forested areas to climb trees and so Andy can draw the grass. But it's different with Tom.
It's different because Tom has entire rolls of film dedicated to William, to the delicate bones in his wrists and the lines of his jaw, to the curve of his lips just when he starts to smile. It's different because Tom pays attention to every little thing William does, as if he's cataloguing the details of Bill's life for a biography. It's different because Tom thinks of William as something perfect and precious, something small and fragile, porcelain. Mike knows that's only half of what he is, that he can be bold and unbearably difficult to get along with too.
Tom thinks of William as a blank canvas but Mike knows every inch of him has been filled with something wild and exciting; not perfect, not nearly perfect, but a good attempt to pretend. It's different because Tom puts all these ideas, all these insane notions into William's head that he's something he's not, that he's this supreme being.
Mike knows better. Mike knows that William is just William; just silly, adorable, unbearable William. He is not a perfect being, he is just a boy. Arriving at that fact is where Tom and Mike differ, because Tom thinks William simply has to be special, and Mike knows that he is special, just by being himself.
-
When he finally does show up, holding his jacket tight around him because he's not wearing anything under it and he was clearly outside freezing his ass off, Mike is not at all surprised to see Tom a few steps behind him, but he is a bit annoyed. Tom joins Danielle on the couch, scoots in between her and Casey and hugs her to get warm again. He smiles all nonchalant and casual, immediately joining in on jokes, all pleased with himself.
William makes a beeline straight to Mike, leans in and whispers in his ear, "We need to talk," and in true Mike and William style, it takes them less than a minute to find an empty room a few doors down. William opens the window and sits on the window cill while Mike turns the lock in the door, which doesn't really work, and raises an eyebrow.
"I think it's about time we sat everyone down and told them about us," William suggests suddenly, and Mike is halfway through processing this when William starts talking again. "I mean, everyone already knows, we can just confirm it."
"I-- what? no," Mike shakes his head and laughs a little nervously. "No one knows, Bill."
"Sisky knows and the Butcher knows, and you told Lucas--"
"You told Courtney!" Mike runs his fingers through his hair and sighs heavily. They've been over this a million times. They've been over this and they always come to the same conclusion: they keep it a secret. It's just better being left alone, it's not broken so they really shouldn't try fixing it. It's better this way, when it's just the two of them, no one to intrude. Mike would hate it if they became like Gabe and Bianca, Pete and Jeanae, or Pete and Morgan, whoever Pete is with these days. He doesn't want to be the talk of the town, doesn't want their friends smiling to their faces and whispering behind their backs.
William shrugs his shoulders, and Mike shuffles his feet, not really knowing where to take this conversation. Bill looks up at him, standing against the door looking incredulous. Mike knows that there's nothing William wants more than to tell all their friends, let them in on the tumultuous two years of romance, but he has to be the practical one in these situations. It's just a bad idea, it's always such a bad idea.
The thing is, it's not a big deal keeping it a secret. Sisky and the Butcher knowing, that's one thing. Mike and William can trust them not to say a word, and they haven't. Adam's known the longest due to his penchant for bringing people pizza without calling first, and the Butcher found out on one of their rare days off while sketching a landscape-- Mike and William had snuck off to hide in tall grass and the shadow of towering trees. William pretended they were in the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts, running from a vicious herd of acromantula and Mike had just taken advantage of his distraction to attack him with kisses.
Naturally, William felt it was necessary to tell his sister, so Mike felt it okay to tell his brother. But that was as far as it had gone.
"Tom saw us," is all that William says, and it's enough that Mike is momentarily speechless.
He scoffs under his breath, closes his eyes for a second to think of a plan of action, and chooses his next words very carefully. He says, "Fuck."
"That's the whole band, Mike, and I've been wanting to tell Travis for a while now, I mean the shit the two of us have been through together and he's never kept a thing from me-- it would be nice not to hide it from Gabe, either, I think he already suspects something but knowing Gabe it's probably something insane, he probably thinks I'm as adept in the art of pursuing groupies as he is, and I'd really like it if he didn't think that way about me, I mean, I may look up to Adam Lazzara and all but I don't necessarily want to share his reputation, charming as it may be to be thought of of the resident--"
"Bill," Mike interrupts him, "shut up. First of all, we are not telling Gabe because if we tell Gabe, Gabe tells Pete and if Gabe tells Pete, we might as well write it in big letters in the sky, and second, you're rambling. You're not even breathing, you really-- really need to get a grip right now."
William scoffs and starts to pace the room, glaring contemptuously at Mike. "Well, sorry," he mutters, not sounding sorry at all. "It's just what I do, okay, I ramble myself into stupidity and you stutter yourself into silence and then we're stambling and ruttering and nothing ever gets done!" He throws his arms up in defeat and sits down, slumped against the wall, his head in his hands.
For a minute, Mike does nothing but stare at him. William always was one for over-dramatics, but this is just ridiculous.
Mike continues where Bill left off pacing, and sighs, the room heavy with unbearable tension. The sounds from the party have made their way into the room through the cracks in the door and the thin walls. Mike can hear a song change, can hear unintelligible shouting and laughter, and he thinks, just down the hall, everyone is happy and in here, he and William are silently deciding their fate.
And to think, this day started off so well, with all the guys up early for breakfast, they left Mike and William with hours of alone time in the van-- probably at Sisky's subtle insistence since he knew that the last time they were really alone was on their anniversary, and that was weeks ago. Since then, all of their moments together had been rushed and too brief; all quick kisses and touches that weren't allowed to linger very long. They stayed in the back in the van until Sisky came back to warn them that everyone was on their way, just lying together, no rush, no worry, just the two of them.
William breaks their silence in the quietist, but bravest voice he can muster. "Tom thinks we should tell everyone."
Mike stops pacing long enough to stare incredulously at him and scoffs, "Oh, right, then that's exactly what we should do-- you know, since Tom says it's a good idea. So that's what you girls were talking about outside while you left me with Chad and Nick and their fucking Star Wars banter." William stands up, looks a little startled and a bit annoyed, but Mike doesn't care at this point. Bill knows what a sore subject Tom has always been, now even more so that he's prying at the two of them and making unhelpful suggestions. "Tom isn't in this relationship, Bill."
"But I am," William whispers in the same meek little voice. He saunters over to Mike and leans down just enough that their noses touch, wraps his arms around Mike's shoulders and frowns. "I am, and I think we should tell everyone, I think we owe it to ourselves, after so long."
Mike's thought about it, he has, but his answer is always the same. "I don't think we should," he maintains, and before William can respond, he says, "What do you do when you find out that Pete and Jeanae have broken up again?"
William shrugs, unaware of how this is relevant. "I dunno, tell Pete he's an idiot and he should apologize, I mean it usually is his fault."
"Exactly," Mmike whispers. "I don't want that to happen to us. When we get into a fight, when we break up because I ate all the ice cream, when we fuck up, nobody tells us how to fix it. Nobody tells us what we're doing wrong, nobody tells us we're idiots or how to apologize, and I like that. Our mistakes are ours and I don't want that to change, I don't want Tom telling us what we should do, it's not him that it affects. Our friends have a habit of intruding and inserting their opinions where they don't belong, and I don't want that for us. I don't want to date twenty-five people, I only want it to be me and you, kid."
William blushes slightly, kisses Mike softly on the mouth, but he believes in his argument too much to stop talking altogether. "What about the good stuff, though?" He smiles broadly, taking Mike's hands in his, their fingers automatically entwining. "What about all the amazing things you do for me, I can't tell anyone about them. Nobody knows," he sighs, kissing Mike again. "Nobody knows how much I love you."
It's not an argument he likes to have, but it is a necessary one. Mike knows that it hurts more than William says it does not to be able to shout it from rooftops that they're together, it's the sacrifice they make to keep it quiet, to stay together and untouched.
"I know," Mike says, finally, "and you know. Isn't that enough?" William simply shakes his head, so Mike asks, "What do you want to do?" but somehow, he already knows the answer.
There are a few moments of silence, a few moments where their hands still touch, William's palms warm and sweaty, the way they get when he's nervous, a few moments where Mike can feel William's eyelashes fluttering against his skin. "I'm going back outside," William finally manages to say, "You-- you keep your secret."
He doesn't let Mike say anything, just kisses him quickly and walks away, his fingers slipping away from Mike's as he does.
And to think, this day started off so well.
--
usually i write in third-person limited omniscient and alternate who the focus is on. it started with william, then mike, william, mike, tom, and this one is mike again. the next one was going to be william but because i rearranged the storyline a little bit it will be mike again. i don't know why this is really all that relevant, but it is to me! just know that the next two parts will be very-- hmm, how do i put this lightly?-- RIDICULOUSLY EMOTIONAL!! the fact that i couldn't bring myself to write the original part six should be a testament to just how much i wanted to delay the suffering.
there is another typhoon in china which means i didn't have work today but sadly that will not remedy the fact that my fingers are too tired to stretch all the way to the shift button, so no capitals ever.
pictures (taken before william's disappearance) from vipes on photobucket