It could be perfect, William thinks, it could be perfect but there is always something slightly off. & the feeling he got when he wrote that chorus has suddenly disappeared Make me sniffle a little.
He is the off-beat sound in a perfectly synched tune, the un-tuned guitar that sounds about right, the crash a broken symbol makes. Beautiful description.
kisses the corner of Mike's eye, his nose, his law Think you meant 'jaw' at the end.
Something seemed slightly off-kilter about this piece. *rubs at her nose* Maybe it's because I just came off of reading a real porny piece, but the story seemed to slip/slide between what it was trying to be. Maybe it was just the shifting POVs. The difference between William's mind and Mike's. I dunno, and I'm probably not being particularly clear in what I'm saying, so just ignore me.
why would i ignore you! it helps when things are weird to be pointed in the right direction. as for the shifting point of views, i thought it would be okay because it's only william for a little bit and when mike takes over talking, he takes over the er... presence? of the story. if that makes sense. i kind of wanted there to be a clear difference shown in their personalities. william is more jittery, and mike is just you know, mike -- kind of calm and observant. but i don't like italicizing or pointing out who's pov it is, so i just left it as is. i'm sorry if it was confusing!
i love this so much. not only did you use my favorite lines and my favorite tai song, but oh man, mike's voice and bill's crooked teeth, and bill listens to mike, and mike kisses him because sometimes william just needs to be kissed. so much love!
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the feeling he got when he wrote that chorus has suddenly disappeared
Make me sniffle a little.
He is the off-beat sound in a perfectly synched tune, the un-tuned guitar that sounds about right, the crash a broken symbol makes.
Beautiful description.
kisses the corner of Mike's eye, his nose, his law
Think you meant 'jaw' at the end.
Something seemed slightly off-kilter about this piece. *rubs at her nose* Maybe it's because I just came off of reading a real porny piece, but the story seemed to slip/slide between what it was trying to be. Maybe it was just the shifting POVs. The difference between William's mind and Mike's. I dunno, and I'm probably not being particularly clear in what I'm saying, so just ignore me.
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not only did you use my favorite lines and my favorite tai song, but oh man, mike's voice and bill's crooked teeth, and bill listens to mike, and mike kisses him because sometimes william just needs to be kissed.
so much love!
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This was sweet and cute and good and I loved it very much :)!
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