(no subject)
harry potter; pureblood genocide series, 1997
unwritten love letter (eight of nine) 843 words
Draco,
To get certain matters out of the way, I must say this first. If you die before me, I will not sleep nor eat till I avenge you. I only hope you will do the same for me.
I do not think you truly understand me and yet, at times, you are the only person who understands me. Unfortunately, you have never understood my love for you. In fact, as obvious as it is, I doubt you have ever even noticed it. It is a pity because it is only a matter of time before we are killed, and I will never have the courage to utter those words to you. Three simple words and I cannot bring myself to say them.
You must know by now that I would do anything for you. You've never been one for subtlety, but it is most difficult not to see that I care for your well being. I care about you. I have never shown dedication to another person as I show it to you, Draco, and at times it frightens me. I would willingly give my life to save yours. I would willingly kill for you, and have done so without hesitation. You know this, of course, the example being Parkinson. For a while, I thought you loved her. Thankfully, I was mistaken.
Do you remember when we were children and you hated me? I always thought it was because my father paid attention to me and yours didn't, but then you told me last year you did not hate me at all. I never in a million years would believe you envied me. Ever since I can remember I have envied you. I always thought it was because you have everything I have ever dreamed of, but I am wrong. You are everything I have ever dreamed of. My only regret in life is not letting you know.
I fear there is no time left for us. But even more, I fear you will never feel the same for me as I feel for you. I wish I could be rid of all my fears but I am, essentially, a coward. I have lived my life in cowardice, unable to live fully like everyone else. I have drowned myself in sorrow to escape happiness. You, out of everyone and everything I have ever known, have brought me more happiness than I could have ever imagined. You aren't even aware of it, are you? I must apologize if I sound silly, it is hard for me to say these things. I have kept them inside of me forever and even now, writing them down will not unburden me. I will most likely dispose of this letter and leave my feelings for you tucked away in my mind.
I am a fool, if anything. A school boy with a crush, and now that school is over and I have to face my crush, I am unable to. Long have I admired you from afar. I admire that you hold yourself higher than everyone else, you deserve to be on the pedestal on which you place yourself. I admire that you know your equals and treat me as one. I admire that you are afraid of stupid things, of the forbidden forest and Azkaban and a world against you. I think we are all afraid of these things. I am glad you are, too, because at least this way I know you are human. You will forever be flawed, and that is why I love you a gift you should embrace.
I have never assumed that you love me, that would be ridiculous. I have long thought you heartless, unable to love, until our capture. That is why I am writing this letter, though I will never give it to you. Some things are better left unsaid, or in this case, unread. For one moment, you were mine and I shall cherish that moment forever. I like to remember things in wholes, not halves. There are no fragments in my mind, and so when I remember, I remember everything. I will forever remember our moment, nonfragmented.
If we set out to change the world, we will only change ourselves, but I am afraid we cannot even do that. There was a time when I wouldn't even allow you to speak to me, when I was so detached from everything. I put up walls so high even I couldn't see over them. It's only now, looking back, that I see how you patched through my walls and entered my life in waves. We have so many memories, Draco, many that are worth remembering and even more that I wish I could forget. Like when your father died. I distinctly remember your hand in mine, but you did not cry.
There is a lovely song my mother used to sing to me as a child, before she passed away. Treasure these few words till we're together. Keep all my love forever. ps I love you.
Yours, Theodore
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Of course, the song is ps. I love you by the Beatles, and the lines If we set out to change the world, we will only change ourselves (which is a variation) and It's only now, looking back, that I see how you patched through my walls and entered my life in waves are from Velvet Goldmine.