A Funny Thing Happened on the Way (Back) to the Office
When Rukia awakes she finds herself, not for the first time, in the heart of Sereitei, sprawled over Ichigo's chest in the middle of the street.
"Not again," she groans, and tries to sit up.
In the process, her elbow digs into Ichigo's ribcage, and he wakes with a groan. "…Ungh," he says, trying to sit up himself, which knocks Rukia to the ground.
"Idiot," she says, and remains stretched out on her back where she landed. The paving stones are harder than Ichigo's chest but they are less lumpy and she has a crick in her lower back, the same place she always gets it when this happens. ("Your chest is a very uncomfortable bed," she'd told Ichigo the first time they woke up like this. "Then you shouldn't have slept there," he'd snapped, and Rukia had to concede that that was a fair point. She always meant to sleep somewhere else the next time.) She tries to breathe the cramp away and stares up at the sky. It is earlier in the day than it usually is when they wake up like this; that's something, at least.
Not that this happens all the time. An officer of the Gotei 15 should not be displaying such unbecoming behavior. Of course, in the little over a year she has been an officer of the Gotei 15, Rukia has learned that there is no one more likely to succeed in getting her - and her captain - drunk than her fellow officers.
She and Ichigo had both agreed not to drink so much at last night's officer party in the hopes of actually making it all the way home for once. Ichigo has finally accepted that when he's had enough sake, his sense of direction is worse than Captain Zaraki's, and she - well, the damn streets all look the same when it's dark and her head is spinny. But even with the reduced alcohol intake it seems they've been foiled again by the maze of streets in Sereitei. Rukia silently curses the idiot who designed them. She tilts her head back till she can see the feet of the people walking by. The feet are giving them a wide berth as always, and she wonders whether word of this stunt will reach her brother this time.
"Oi, wake up," Ichigo says, despite the fact that her eyes are clearly open. She turns her head slightly to glare at him. He glares back for a second, then turns away, scanning their surroundings. "Do you know where we are?"
She sits up. By daylight, the streets here look as much like every other street in Sereitei as they did by darkness, but now she can see landmarks in the background. The Kuchiki estates are off in the distance, barely visibly beyond the White Tower, and she breathes a little easier. "I can figure out how to get home from here," she says.
"So you don't know where we are."
"Neither do you!"
"I haven't lived in this labyrinth for half a century!"
"It is not fifty years just yet," she says, getting primly to her feet.
"Still a long-ass time," he grumbles. He stands and straightens his robes.
She starts walking. It takes him longer than it should to catch up, so she turns to look at him curiously when he does. His face is pink and his scowl is deeper than it was a moment ago.
"What happened?" she asks curiously.
"Nothing." He stares straight ahead.
"Then why are you blushing?"
"I'm not blushing!"
"Ichigo, saying that does not change the fact that I can see your face, you idiot. What happened?"
"I told you, nothing! Just Rangiku trying to be funny again."
"Matsumoto?" Rukia looks around, but there's no one in sight with that kind of cleavage.
"She's not here," Ichigo says. "She just…" he shoves a piece of paper at her, "left this."
Rukia takes it, stops walking as she unfolds it and reads, Just wanted to be the first to say Congratulations! to the 15th on finally getting lucky~! ♥ She feels her face start to burn. "This isn't true!"
"I know it's not!" Ichigo has stopped beside her, but he isn't looking at her.
"Oh," says Rukia. "Good." And then, "You're sure?"
"Of course I'm sure," he growls. When she doesn't respond, he adds, mumbling, "I checked for bites."
"You what?"
"I don't have any bite marks," he repeats, clearer this time, "so-"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
He glares at her. "Hn. Don't try to act like you wouldn't bite."
The note crumples in her hands. "Like - like I'd need to bite you!"
"Okay, what does that mean?"
Rukia raises her eyebrows at him imperiously and says, "We both know you'd be a minute man."
"A what!"
She starts walking again.
"Oi!" Two long strides and he's caught up with her. "I trained for ten days and nights to get to Soul Society. I did bankai training - which was harder than any training you've ever done - for two and a half days straight, and I'M a minute man? I'd wear you out, bitch!"
Rukia scoffs. "No amount of bankai training could prepare you for me, fool."
"Oh really."
"That's right."
With half-lidded eyes he looks her up and down. Rukia bristles. His speculative look makes tension coil under her skin and she wants to throw her shoulders back and her chest out and to draw in on herself all at the same time.
Ichigo turns away. "Nah, you're not worth it."
Her stomach sinks and her skin burns and she should kick him in the face, but all she does is gasp, "Excuse me?!" She takes a breath, another. "I'm the best lay you'll never get!" she snaps, and feels she is herself again.
Ichigo still does not look at her. His scowls into the distance, the picture of casual disinterest. "Sure. A short little thing like you. Right."
She sees her opportunity. She smirks. "Well, if you want to talk about short…"
Now he glances at her. "Yachiru and Hitsugaya are both still growing, midget."
Her smirk almost turns into a grin. "NOT what I was talking about, idiot."
He frowns. "Then what were you talking about?"
"You know what."
"Nooo, I don't know what." He's really glaring at her now, and she actually starts to think he might not just be acting deliberately obtuse.
"How naïve can you BE?" It's an honest question.
"Who's naïve?!"
"Captains who can't follow an obvious train of thought!"
"Vice-captains who insult their captains can be on Skippy duty for a week!"
"Skippy duty!" She's not going to let him ruin her moment of revenge. "I think you’re trying to avoid the subject because you know what's short."
At last, he goes red. "How would you know?!"
She points her nose in the air the way they taught her before the ceremony that made her adoption into Kuchiki house official. "I can just tell."
"Whatever, it's not like you have anything to compare," he growls.
She feels her face go hot again. "My- I'm-" How dare he! "They - they're perky, asshole!" Something low in her belly is pulling uncomfortably. She jumps ahead and turns to stand in front of Ichigo. He jerks to a halt, eyes wide. "And also!" She slaps him across the face.
"OW!" He holds his hand over his cheek. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"
She turns sharply and begins to walk away. "For being a jackass!" God dammit.
"Rukia! You bitch, I wasn't-" he cuts himself off, and she hears him trot up behind her. When he's beside her again, he hisses, "I wasn't talking about your - your - about that! Um. Th-those."
Oh. "…Oh. Well. Good. Don't."
"Fine! And you don't talk about THAT, either!" Out of the corner of her eye, she can see he's still blushing furiously. She should just agree and forget this whole conversation ever happened.
But - "Not my fault you're so sensitive."
"I AM NOT SENSITIVE." He glares at her. "You just shouldn't TALK ABOUT IT."
She snorts. "Because you're sensitive. I bruised your delicate male ego. It's okay, you can admit it."
"Would you shut the hell up! At least I didn't SLAP YOU." He points at her. "What kind of double standard is that?!" Then he turns away, muttering something that sounds like, "…you wonder why people'd say you'd be violent in bed…"
"Well, so what if I am sensitive?" Rukia says, clenching her fists and glaring into the distance. "We can't all be Matsumoto or, or Inoue. At least I can admit it!"
It takes her a few steps to realize Ichigo's just staring at her. "What!" she barks.
"You…" he looks away. "That's… I mean, er… they're… good. It's good. Because, you know, Matsumoto and… they can be, um, overwhelming."
She almost hits him again, but she needs both arms to fold them over her chest. "So glad I can underwhelm you, you bastard."
Ichigo folds his own arms. "Che. You are such a bitch."
She ignores him.
"And I am NOT… short."
Slowly, she looks at him. "Prove it." His eyes practically pop out of his face. His mouth works like he wants to say something, but no sound comes out. Rukia shakes her head. "You see, Ichigo, this is why I'll always win these fights. Because you just can't-"
"F-FINE."
"…WHAT?!"
He glares at her. "I said FINE. If it will get you to SHUT UP? FINE."
Rukia looks around sharply. There is no one very close to them, but the street is not deserted, either. "You're actually going to - right here?!"
"Hell no not HERE, moron!" He scans the area, screwing up his mouth. She watches him. Finally, he points. "Over - over there. Where it's dark. And there's no one around." He doesn't wait for her response, just grabs her wrist and starts walking toward the nearest alley.
"I can't believe you're going to go through with this," she says, allowing herself to be dragged along.
"Shut. Up," he hisses.
"This is so unprofessional," she observes as they step into the darkness inside the alley.
"Shut UP." He backs up against the wall, almost as far down the alley as it's possible to go. "You're the one who wanted me to prove it, so don't bitch about where."
"I didn't think you'd actually go through with it!" She watches, wide-eyed, as he begins to fumble with his hakama.
"Che. Underestimating me as usual." His voice is cocky, but Rukia has her eyes on his hands, and they're uncharacteristically clumsy.
"Need help?" she asks, partly to tease him, but partly because she finds herself intensely curious, and wants him to hurry up.
"NO." He's made the outer knot worse.
"You seem nervous, Captain Kurosaki~!" She looks up at his face and beams the way she knows he hates.
She hears fabric tear, and looks back down. "Dammit, don't DO that," he says.
"You fool, now you're not going to be able to tie that again!"
"Idiot, I'll just… only wrap it around once." Something in his voice makes her look up again, to watch his face even as his hands reach to tug at his inner kimono. His eyes are closed, his face tense and turned away. Even in the shadows of the alley, she can see that he's red all the way down his neck.
Slowly, she lowers her eyes. And there …it is, resting in his open palm.
"Satisfied?" he growls, more at the wall than at her.
"Hmm," she says. She can't take her eyes off it. It's one of the ugliest things she's ever seen. But at the same time… it's kind of cute. Like one of those puppies, she thinks, and she wants to laugh, but she remembers his face and understands that if she laughs now Ichigo's ego might never recover. Her fingers itch to pet it.
"Hmm?!" he repeats. "That's it? You - OI."
His skin is dark and surprisingly soft.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
She runs her fingers lightly over the top, up and down, then along the sides. Her knuckles brush his palm.
"THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND."
She runs her right thumb around the head a few times, then delicately pushes the foreskin back.
"AND…"
She slides her other hand underneath it, over Ichigo's open palm, and closes her fingers around it. Then she opens them again. She lifts her hand slightly, testing the weight of it.
This is Ichigo, she thinks.
With her right hand, she flicks his foreskin back again, and this time it stays back.
"AND… oh fuck."
Closing her left hand around it again, she finally says, "You wanted to prove you're not short, right? Doesn't it help your argument if it's… getting bigger?"
"…Yeah," he says in that slightly strangled voice. "That's, um. A - a good point." His hand falls from under hers.
She smiles a little and tightens her left hand. With the fingers of her right hand, she plays with the exposed head.
Then she starts to slide her left hand slowly up and down along the length of him. His skin moves with her, but underneath… he's hard.
"Is this it?" she asks after a few moments.
"Huh?" His breathing is hard too. "…is? …Oh. Uh, yeah. Yeah. That's… as bigasit… er… gets."
"I see," she says, and stretches her right hand out along his length. Her hand seems small. This is his… his cock, she thinks. The word is stranger than the thing itself.
"You," he says, not quite panting - it strikes her that she wants him to pant - "could… er… should… um. Should stop that. At some point."
"This?" she moves her hand a little faster. "You want me to stop?" She thinks she sounds a little petulant, but he doesn't seem to notice.
"NO," he says, and he sounds alarmed. "I mean, uh. Shit… I mean…"
She likes making his voice sound like that. "Make up your mind, Ichigo." It jumps a little in her hand. She raises her eyebrows.
He mumbles something incoherent.
"I can't hear you, Ichigo." Twitch. Well, that is interesting.
"Youain'tmakin'it…" He almost hides his gasp. "Easytotalk… here…"
Rukia stops moving her hands, but keeps them on him. "Does this help?"
Ichigo breathes. For the first time since she saw his cock, Rukia looks up at his face. He's flushed, scowling, eyes barely open. His head is tilted back, leaning against the wall behind him. She finds herself admiring the line of his neck, and looks away.
"Yes," he says finally.
"Yes it helps? Or yes you want me to stop?" She looks down at her hands, his cock, their legs and feet.
"It helps," he says, and one of his legs shifts a little. "And… I don't… I… dammit."
She waits, oddly tense.
"Dammit Rukia, if I say I don't want you to stop are you gonna just to piss me off?"
Slowly, she smiles, and curls her fingers ever so slightly tighter around him. "Maybe. Does that mean you want me to continue?"
"…yes," he breathes, voice surprisingly small. She can see his hands, curled into fists at his sides. Does he really think she's going to refuse?
She starts stroking again, up and down, up and down, and his whole body sags back against the wall. "…ngh…" he says.
Rukia smiles again, and swirls her thumb around the head. She presses her fingers to the tip, where a tiny bead of… something… has gathered.
"…fuck," Ichigo gasps.
Rukia starts tugging faster, a little harder, using both hands now.
"Rukia," he says, and a tiny thrill starts in her stomach. Then, "Wait… wait a sec, Rukia." She slows, frowning.
"Yes?" She doesn't look up.
"You… uh. Could you, er… lick your hand?"
"What?"
"Friction. Cuts friction. Uh, makes it… makes it easier."
"Oh." Well, that makes sense, she supposes. She lifts her right hand, gives it a cursory lick across the palm, and puts it back to work. "Better?"
"Uhh… not really."
She glances up at his face, annoyed. His scowl is faint, barely there in the half nervous, half hopeful look, and Rukia softens a little. "You do it, then," she says, and holds her hand up in his face.
He stares at it. "You… want me to lick your hand?"
She waves it around a little. "Obviously!"
He gets an odd expression as he slowly raises his left hand and grabs her wrist. Then he touches his tongue to her palm quickly, and Rukia's other hand, skimming around his cock, stills. She watches his face, feels his tongue flicking over her skin, and suddenly the air in the alley is much heavier than it was a moment ago.
Through her fingers, Ichigo meets her eyes and, after a moment, slows down. He licks her hand carefully, covering each finger, runs the point of his tongue along the lines in her palm.
Rukia's breath hitches a little.
Ichigo releases her hand.
She has to stare at it for a moment before she remembers what she's supposed to be doing with it. Then she wraps it around the base of his cock and pulls. Her hand slips easily over his skin, and she falls into a rhythm.
Not looking up, she holds her left hand up to him.
"This one too?"
"No, I just find it comfortable holding my arm up in the air like this."
"Bitch," he says, and his voice is strained, but not with irritation.
His grip on her wrist is tighter this time, and his tongue traces over her skin in the same rhythm as her hand on his cock. One at a time he takes her fingers into his mouth, soft lips and tongue working them strongly, scraping them gently with his teeth.
When he gets to her ring finger Rukia lets her head sink onto his chest.
He stops.
Rukia raises her head. Her hand falters on his cock. "What?" She keeps stroking him, but her rhythm is broken.
"…Nothing," Ichigo says. He sucks on her pinky, quickly, then drops her hand.
Rukia eyes him for a moment longer, but he looks away. She looks down. She has to suppress a sigh as she takes his cock between the palms of her hands. She works them slowly over him, then scrapes him delicately with her nails, and is oddly reassured, not by the breath Ichigo sucks in, but by the way his cock twitches slightly under her hands. She strokes him, and begins to pick up speed again.
"…you didn't have to move," Ichigo mumbles after a minute.
Rukia watches her hands moving over him. "I… just needed to catch my breath for a moment."
"…Aa."
Rukia is trying to shift her hands a little without breaking the rhythm - her arms are beginning to tire - when Ichigo suddenly gasps, "THERE."
She glances up. "Huh?"
"Do… do that again."
She looks back down and shifts her hands again.
"No… not…"
She shifts them back. When her fingers press against the ridge along the bottom of his cock, his hips jerk and he says, "THAT."
"Interesting," she breathes.
Rukia runs her fingers along the line there as she strokes him, and Ichigo groans.
"Yes," he pants, "there… keep… ah, fuck… fuck, I needtolick… your hand again."
"All right," she says, too quickly, and holds up her right hand. She keeps working him with her left.
He supports her hand in both of his, and starts on her fingers. Bastard.
She focuses on his cock, covering as much of it as she can with just her left hand, always coming back to that spot along the bottom. His hips twitch every time she touches it.
He licks her hand thoroughly, dipping his tongue into the space between each of her fingers, running it up and around, over her fingertips, before drawing each finger fully into his mouth. He sucks them rhythmically. He covers her palm from one side to the other with wet lips and tongue, almost open-mouthed kisses.
Rukia keeps her head down, eyes on his cock in her hand. She is breathing harder than she should, but she resists leaning on him again.
Until he starts a second round on her fingers. A tiny sound escapes her, and her head falls against his chest. Her left shoulder follows.
Ichigo doesn't let up on her hand.
She's leaning into him and her left arm, still working him, is tucked against his body. He's holding her right arm up as he licks it without any help from her. When he increases the speed of his rhythm on her fingers, she follows, slipping her left hand faster over his cock, all the way up, pressing the head with her thumb at the end of each stroke.
Ichigo makes an approving noise, somewhere between a grunt and a moan. He goes over her palm again, finishing, finally, with his lips against its center.
She waits for him to let go. He doesn't. His left hand turns on her wrist and he brings both their hands down. She watches him slide his hand around behind hers, engulfing it. He places her hand on his cock, keeps his hand over hers.
"Ichigo!"
"Just… like this," he says, moving their hands together.
"Aa…" she says.
She doesn't know what to do with her left hand. Ichigo's hand is too big to keep it on his cock with her other hand, and she can't get it out of the way without untucking her arm from his body. And… she doesn't want to do that. He's warm - very warm. And she likes the way it lets her feel the tension that moves through his body with their stroking. She settles for grabbing the edge of his captain's haori, keeping her hand up and out of the way.
"Shit… Rukia…"
Ichigo is moving their hands faster over his cock, a steadily building rhythm Rukia picks up easily. She slides her hand slightly out from under his, curling it so she can get her thumb onto that spot on the underside.
"Ohfuck," he pants, "oh shit. Shit. SHIT."
"Ichigo…" she breathes, and then he's stroking her hand right off his cock, fumbling for her shoulder with his right hand, pushing her to the side. She stumbles back, startled, then annoyed. "Ichigo!" His face is tense, eyes squeezed shut, jaw clenched. It looks like he's in pain.
Then his face goes slack and he really sags against the wall, sinking roughly down it until he's sitting on the ground. Rukia starts to go over to him, then, out of the corner of her eye, notices a… spot on the ground a little way in front of him.
Oh, she thinks.
She goes to his side and crouches by his knee. "Well," she says, "it did take longer than a minute."
He cracks open one eye and glares at her. "Shut up," he says, still breathing heavily.
She feels a smirk coming on. "You look awfully worn out."
He closes his eye again. "I'm fine."
"Am I going to have to carry you back to the division offices?"
"NO."
"If you're sure."
"I'm FINE." He takes a few deep breaths, then opens his eyes and starts inching his way back up the wall.
Rukia stands and watches. He really is worn out. She's kind of proud.
Ichigo stumbles a little as he pushes himself off the wall. "Just a little lightheaded," he says, glaring at her.
"I see," she smirks.
He turns away from her, fumbling with his hakama.
"How modest Captain Kurosaki is!"
He turns back around, glaring, but all tucked in. Then he reaches up and flicks his thumb across her cheek. "There," he says.
Rukia stares at him, wide-eyed. "What was that!"
He flushes, but grins at her. "Nothing, Vice-Captain Kuchiki."
"…We should return to the offices," she says primly.
"My thoughts exactly," he says.
"And shower."
His eyes start to go wide. "Sh-shower?"
She frowns at him. "What is that face for?"
Abruptly, the look is gone. "N-nothing. Absolutely nothing."
She watches his face for another moment, but can't figure out his expression. Shrugging a little, she walks past him toward the mouth of the alley. She gets as close to the street as she can without stepping out of the shadow and looks around.
Turning back to Ichigo, she says, "Looks like the coast is -" She notices how red he is and stops. "Stop blushing, you fool! We're going to see people we know on the way back!"
"I know that!" He makes a pathetic attempt to set his face in its usual scowl.
Rukia rolls her eyes, then marches over and kicks him in the shin.
"OW!"
"Perhaps we should go back by the roofs."
He rubs his leg. "Perhaps I should."
"…Right," she says. "Well. I'll… meet you in the office, then."
He nods. She wants to hesitate, but there's no excuse for it. She turns and walks toward the street.
She's a few steps from the end when he calls, "Rukia!" She turns immediately. "Which way is home again?"
She points.
"Right. …Thanks."
She nods and turns around. Then she steps out into the sunlit street, blinking against the brightness of the day.
"Not again," she groans, and tries to sit up.
In the process, her elbow digs into Ichigo's ribcage, and he wakes with a groan. "…Ungh," he says, trying to sit up himself, which knocks Rukia to the ground.
"Idiot," she says, and remains stretched out on her back where she landed. The paving stones are harder than Ichigo's chest but they are less lumpy and she has a crick in her lower back, the same place she always gets it when this happens. ("Your chest is a very uncomfortable bed," she'd told Ichigo the first time they woke up like this. "Then you shouldn't have slept there," he'd snapped, and Rukia had to concede that that was a fair point. She always meant to sleep somewhere else the next time.) She tries to breathe the cramp away and stares up at the sky. It is earlier in the day than it usually is when they wake up like this; that's something, at least.
Not that this happens all the time. An officer of the Gotei 15 should not be displaying such unbecoming behavior. Of course, in the little over a year she has been an officer of the Gotei 15, Rukia has learned that there is no one more likely to succeed in getting her - and her captain - drunk than her fellow officers.
She and Ichigo had both agreed not to drink so much at last night's officer party in the hopes of actually making it all the way home for once. Ichigo has finally accepted that when he's had enough sake, his sense of direction is worse than Captain Zaraki's, and she - well, the damn streets all look the same when it's dark and her head is spinny. But even with the reduced alcohol intake it seems they've been foiled again by the maze of streets in Sereitei. Rukia silently curses the idiot who designed them. She tilts her head back till she can see the feet of the people walking by. The feet are giving them a wide berth as always, and she wonders whether word of this stunt will reach her brother this time.
"Oi, wake up," Ichigo says, despite the fact that her eyes are clearly open. She turns her head slightly to glare at him. He glares back for a second, then turns away, scanning their surroundings. "Do you know where we are?"
She sits up. By daylight, the streets here look as much like every other street in Sereitei as they did by darkness, but now she can see landmarks in the background. The Kuchiki estates are off in the distance, barely visibly beyond the White Tower, and she breathes a little easier. "I can figure out how to get home from here," she says.
"So you don't know where we are."
"Neither do you!"
"I haven't lived in this labyrinth for half a century!"
"It is not fifty years just yet," she says, getting primly to her feet.
"Still a long-ass time," he grumbles. He stands and straightens his robes.
She starts walking. It takes him longer than it should to catch up, so she turns to look at him curiously when he does. His face is pink and his scowl is deeper than it was a moment ago.
"What happened?" she asks curiously.
"Nothing." He stares straight ahead.
"Then why are you blushing?"
"I'm not blushing!"
"Ichigo, saying that does not change the fact that I can see your face, you idiot. What happened?"
"I told you, nothing! Just Rangiku trying to be funny again."
"Matsumoto?" Rukia looks around, but there's no one in sight with that kind of cleavage.
"She's not here," Ichigo says. "She just…" he shoves a piece of paper at her, "left this."
Rukia takes it, stops walking as she unfolds it and reads, Just wanted to be the first to say Congratulations! to the 15th on finally getting lucky~! ♥ She feels her face start to burn. "This isn't true!"
"I know it's not!" Ichigo has stopped beside her, but he isn't looking at her.
"Oh," says Rukia. "Good." And then, "You're sure?"
"Of course I'm sure," he growls. When she doesn't respond, he adds, mumbling, "I checked for bites."
"You what?"
"I don't have any bite marks," he repeats, clearer this time, "so-"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
He glares at her. "Hn. Don't try to act like you wouldn't bite."
The note crumples in her hands. "Like - like I'd need to bite you!"
"Okay, what does that mean?"
Rukia raises her eyebrows at him imperiously and says, "We both know you'd be a minute man."
"A what!"
She starts walking again.
"Oi!" Two long strides and he's caught up with her. "I trained for ten days and nights to get to Soul Society. I did bankai training - which was harder than any training you've ever done - for two and a half days straight, and I'M a minute man? I'd wear you out, bitch!"
Rukia scoffs. "No amount of bankai training could prepare you for me, fool."
"Oh really."
"That's right."
With half-lidded eyes he looks her up and down. Rukia bristles. His speculative look makes tension coil under her skin and she wants to throw her shoulders back and her chest out and to draw in on herself all at the same time.
Ichigo turns away. "Nah, you're not worth it."
Her stomach sinks and her skin burns and she should kick him in the face, but all she does is gasp, "Excuse me?!" She takes a breath, another. "I'm the best lay you'll never get!" she snaps, and feels she is herself again.
Ichigo still does not look at her. His scowls into the distance, the picture of casual disinterest. "Sure. A short little thing like you. Right."
She sees her opportunity. She smirks. "Well, if you want to talk about short…"
Now he glances at her. "Yachiru and Hitsugaya are both still growing, midget."
Her smirk almost turns into a grin. "NOT what I was talking about, idiot."
He frowns. "Then what were you talking about?"
"You know what."
"Nooo, I don't know what." He's really glaring at her now, and she actually starts to think he might not just be acting deliberately obtuse.
"How naïve can you BE?" It's an honest question.
"Who's naïve?!"
"Captains who can't follow an obvious train of thought!"
"Vice-captains who insult their captains can be on Skippy duty for a week!"
"Skippy duty!" She's not going to let him ruin her moment of revenge. "I think you’re trying to avoid the subject because you know what's short."
At last, he goes red. "How would you know?!"
She points her nose in the air the way they taught her before the ceremony that made her adoption into Kuchiki house official. "I can just tell."
"Whatever, it's not like you have anything to compare," he growls.
She feels her face go hot again. "My- I'm-" How dare he! "They - they're perky, asshole!" Something low in her belly is pulling uncomfortably. She jumps ahead and turns to stand in front of Ichigo. He jerks to a halt, eyes wide. "And also!" She slaps him across the face.
"OW!" He holds his hand over his cheek. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"
She turns sharply and begins to walk away. "For being a jackass!" God dammit.
"Rukia! You bitch, I wasn't-" he cuts himself off, and she hears him trot up behind her. When he's beside her again, he hisses, "I wasn't talking about your - your - about that! Um. Th-those."
Oh. "…Oh. Well. Good. Don't."
"Fine! And you don't talk about THAT, either!" Out of the corner of her eye, she can see he's still blushing furiously. She should just agree and forget this whole conversation ever happened.
But - "Not my fault you're so sensitive."
"I AM NOT SENSITIVE." He glares at her. "You just shouldn't TALK ABOUT IT."
She snorts. "Because you're sensitive. I bruised your delicate male ego. It's okay, you can admit it."
"Would you shut the hell up! At least I didn't SLAP YOU." He points at her. "What kind of double standard is that?!" Then he turns away, muttering something that sounds like, "…you wonder why people'd say you'd be violent in bed…"
"Well, so what if I am sensitive?" Rukia says, clenching her fists and glaring into the distance. "We can't all be Matsumoto or, or Inoue. At least I can admit it!"
It takes her a few steps to realize Ichigo's just staring at her. "What!" she barks.
"You…" he looks away. "That's… I mean, er… they're… good. It's good. Because, you know, Matsumoto and… they can be, um, overwhelming."
She almost hits him again, but she needs both arms to fold them over her chest. "So glad I can underwhelm you, you bastard."
Ichigo folds his own arms. "Che. You are such a bitch."
She ignores him.
"And I am NOT… short."
Slowly, she looks at him. "Prove it." His eyes practically pop out of his face. His mouth works like he wants to say something, but no sound comes out. Rukia shakes her head. "You see, Ichigo, this is why I'll always win these fights. Because you just can't-"
"F-FINE."
"…WHAT?!"
He glares at her. "I said FINE. If it will get you to SHUT UP? FINE."
Rukia looks around sharply. There is no one very close to them, but the street is not deserted, either. "You're actually going to - right here?!"
"Hell no not HERE, moron!" He scans the area, screwing up his mouth. She watches him. Finally, he points. "Over - over there. Where it's dark. And there's no one around." He doesn't wait for her response, just grabs her wrist and starts walking toward the nearest alley.
"I can't believe you're going to go through with this," she says, allowing herself to be dragged along.
"Shut. Up," he hisses.
"This is so unprofessional," she observes as they step into the darkness inside the alley.
"Shut UP." He backs up against the wall, almost as far down the alley as it's possible to go. "You're the one who wanted me to prove it, so don't bitch about where."
"I didn't think you'd actually go through with it!" She watches, wide-eyed, as he begins to fumble with his hakama.
"Che. Underestimating me as usual." His voice is cocky, but Rukia has her eyes on his hands, and they're uncharacteristically clumsy.
"Need help?" she asks, partly to tease him, but partly because she finds herself intensely curious, and wants him to hurry up.
"NO." He's made the outer knot worse.
"You seem nervous, Captain Kurosaki~!" She looks up at his face and beams the way she knows he hates.
She hears fabric tear, and looks back down. "Dammit, don't DO that," he says.
"You fool, now you're not going to be able to tie that again!"
"Idiot, I'll just… only wrap it around once." Something in his voice makes her look up again, to watch his face even as his hands reach to tug at his inner kimono. His eyes are closed, his face tense and turned away. Even in the shadows of the alley, she can see that he's red all the way down his neck.
Slowly, she lowers her eyes. And there …it is, resting in his open palm.
"Satisfied?" he growls, more at the wall than at her.
"Hmm," she says. She can't take her eyes off it. It's one of the ugliest things she's ever seen. But at the same time… it's kind of cute. Like one of those puppies, she thinks, and she wants to laugh, but she remembers his face and understands that if she laughs now Ichigo's ego might never recover. Her fingers itch to pet it.
"Hmm?!" he repeats. "That's it? You - OI."
His skin is dark and surprisingly soft.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
She runs her fingers lightly over the top, up and down, then along the sides. Her knuckles brush his palm.
"THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND."
She runs her right thumb around the head a few times, then delicately pushes the foreskin back.
"AND…"
She slides her other hand underneath it, over Ichigo's open palm, and closes her fingers around it. Then she opens them again. She lifts her hand slightly, testing the weight of it.
This is Ichigo, she thinks.
With her right hand, she flicks his foreskin back again, and this time it stays back.
"AND… oh fuck."
Closing her left hand around it again, she finally says, "You wanted to prove you're not short, right? Doesn't it help your argument if it's… getting bigger?"
"…Yeah," he says in that slightly strangled voice. "That's, um. A - a good point." His hand falls from under hers.
She smiles a little and tightens her left hand. With the fingers of her right hand, she plays with the exposed head.
Then she starts to slide her left hand slowly up and down along the length of him. His skin moves with her, but underneath… he's hard.
"Is this it?" she asks after a few moments.
"Huh?" His breathing is hard too. "…is? …Oh. Uh, yeah. Yeah. That's… as bigasit… er… gets."
"I see," she says, and stretches her right hand out along his length. Her hand seems small. This is his… his cock, she thinks. The word is stranger than the thing itself.
"You," he says, not quite panting - it strikes her that she wants him to pant - "could… er… should… um. Should stop that. At some point."
"This?" she moves her hand a little faster. "You want me to stop?" She thinks she sounds a little petulant, but he doesn't seem to notice.
"NO," he says, and he sounds alarmed. "I mean, uh. Shit… I mean…"
She likes making his voice sound like that. "Make up your mind, Ichigo." It jumps a little in her hand. She raises her eyebrows.
He mumbles something incoherent.
"I can't hear you, Ichigo." Twitch. Well, that is interesting.
"Youain'tmakin'it…" He almost hides his gasp. "Easytotalk… here…"
Rukia stops moving her hands, but keeps them on him. "Does this help?"
Ichigo breathes. For the first time since she saw his cock, Rukia looks up at his face. He's flushed, scowling, eyes barely open. His head is tilted back, leaning against the wall behind him. She finds herself admiring the line of his neck, and looks away.
"Yes," he says finally.
"Yes it helps? Or yes you want me to stop?" She looks down at her hands, his cock, their legs and feet.
"It helps," he says, and one of his legs shifts a little. "And… I don't… I… dammit."
She waits, oddly tense.
"Dammit Rukia, if I say I don't want you to stop are you gonna just to piss me off?"
Slowly, she smiles, and curls her fingers ever so slightly tighter around him. "Maybe. Does that mean you want me to continue?"
"…yes," he breathes, voice surprisingly small. She can see his hands, curled into fists at his sides. Does he really think she's going to refuse?
She starts stroking again, up and down, up and down, and his whole body sags back against the wall. "…ngh…" he says.
Rukia smiles again, and swirls her thumb around the head. She presses her fingers to the tip, where a tiny bead of… something… has gathered.
"…fuck," Ichigo gasps.
Rukia starts tugging faster, a little harder, using both hands now.
"Rukia," he says, and a tiny thrill starts in her stomach. Then, "Wait… wait a sec, Rukia." She slows, frowning.
"Yes?" She doesn't look up.
"You… uh. Could you, er… lick your hand?"
"What?"
"Friction. Cuts friction. Uh, makes it… makes it easier."
"Oh." Well, that makes sense, she supposes. She lifts her right hand, gives it a cursory lick across the palm, and puts it back to work. "Better?"
"Uhh… not really."
She glances up at his face, annoyed. His scowl is faint, barely there in the half nervous, half hopeful look, and Rukia softens a little. "You do it, then," she says, and holds her hand up in his face.
He stares at it. "You… want me to lick your hand?"
She waves it around a little. "Obviously!"
He gets an odd expression as he slowly raises his left hand and grabs her wrist. Then he touches his tongue to her palm quickly, and Rukia's other hand, skimming around his cock, stills. She watches his face, feels his tongue flicking over her skin, and suddenly the air in the alley is much heavier than it was a moment ago.
Through her fingers, Ichigo meets her eyes and, after a moment, slows down. He licks her hand carefully, covering each finger, runs the point of his tongue along the lines in her palm.
Rukia's breath hitches a little.
Ichigo releases her hand.
She has to stare at it for a moment before she remembers what she's supposed to be doing with it. Then she wraps it around the base of his cock and pulls. Her hand slips easily over his skin, and she falls into a rhythm.
Not looking up, she holds her left hand up to him.
"This one too?"
"No, I just find it comfortable holding my arm up in the air like this."
"Bitch," he says, and his voice is strained, but not with irritation.
His grip on her wrist is tighter this time, and his tongue traces over her skin in the same rhythm as her hand on his cock. One at a time he takes her fingers into his mouth, soft lips and tongue working them strongly, scraping them gently with his teeth.
When he gets to her ring finger Rukia lets her head sink onto his chest.
He stops.
Rukia raises her head. Her hand falters on his cock. "What?" She keeps stroking him, but her rhythm is broken.
"…Nothing," Ichigo says. He sucks on her pinky, quickly, then drops her hand.
Rukia eyes him for a moment longer, but he looks away. She looks down. She has to suppress a sigh as she takes his cock between the palms of her hands. She works them slowly over him, then scrapes him delicately with her nails, and is oddly reassured, not by the breath Ichigo sucks in, but by the way his cock twitches slightly under her hands. She strokes him, and begins to pick up speed again.
"…you didn't have to move," Ichigo mumbles after a minute.
Rukia watches her hands moving over him. "I… just needed to catch my breath for a moment."
"…Aa."
Rukia is trying to shift her hands a little without breaking the rhythm - her arms are beginning to tire - when Ichigo suddenly gasps, "THERE."
She glances up. "Huh?"
"Do… do that again."
She looks back down and shifts her hands again.
"No… not…"
She shifts them back. When her fingers press against the ridge along the bottom of his cock, his hips jerk and he says, "THAT."
"Interesting," she breathes.
Rukia runs her fingers along the line there as she strokes him, and Ichigo groans.
"Yes," he pants, "there… keep… ah, fuck… fuck, I needtolick… your hand again."
"All right," she says, too quickly, and holds up her right hand. She keeps working him with her left.
He supports her hand in both of his, and starts on her fingers. Bastard.
She focuses on his cock, covering as much of it as she can with just her left hand, always coming back to that spot along the bottom. His hips twitch every time she touches it.
He licks her hand thoroughly, dipping his tongue into the space between each of her fingers, running it up and around, over her fingertips, before drawing each finger fully into his mouth. He sucks them rhythmically. He covers her palm from one side to the other with wet lips and tongue, almost open-mouthed kisses.
Rukia keeps her head down, eyes on his cock in her hand. She is breathing harder than she should, but she resists leaning on him again.
Until he starts a second round on her fingers. A tiny sound escapes her, and her head falls against his chest. Her left shoulder follows.
Ichigo doesn't let up on her hand.
She's leaning into him and her left arm, still working him, is tucked against his body. He's holding her right arm up as he licks it without any help from her. When he increases the speed of his rhythm on her fingers, she follows, slipping her left hand faster over his cock, all the way up, pressing the head with her thumb at the end of each stroke.
Ichigo makes an approving noise, somewhere between a grunt and a moan. He goes over her palm again, finishing, finally, with his lips against its center.
She waits for him to let go. He doesn't. His left hand turns on her wrist and he brings both their hands down. She watches him slide his hand around behind hers, engulfing it. He places her hand on his cock, keeps his hand over hers.
"Ichigo!"
"Just… like this," he says, moving their hands together.
"Aa…" she says.
She doesn't know what to do with her left hand. Ichigo's hand is too big to keep it on his cock with her other hand, and she can't get it out of the way without untucking her arm from his body. And… she doesn't want to do that. He's warm - very warm. And she likes the way it lets her feel the tension that moves through his body with their stroking. She settles for grabbing the edge of his captain's haori, keeping her hand up and out of the way.
"Shit… Rukia…"
Ichigo is moving their hands faster over his cock, a steadily building rhythm Rukia picks up easily. She slides her hand slightly out from under his, curling it so she can get her thumb onto that spot on the underside.
"Ohfuck," he pants, "oh shit. Shit. SHIT."
"Ichigo…" she breathes, and then he's stroking her hand right off his cock, fumbling for her shoulder with his right hand, pushing her to the side. She stumbles back, startled, then annoyed. "Ichigo!" His face is tense, eyes squeezed shut, jaw clenched. It looks like he's in pain.
Then his face goes slack and he really sags against the wall, sinking roughly down it until he's sitting on the ground. Rukia starts to go over to him, then, out of the corner of her eye, notices a… spot on the ground a little way in front of him.
Oh, she thinks.
She goes to his side and crouches by his knee. "Well," she says, "it did take longer than a minute."
He cracks open one eye and glares at her. "Shut up," he says, still breathing heavily.
She feels a smirk coming on. "You look awfully worn out."
He closes his eye again. "I'm fine."
"Am I going to have to carry you back to the division offices?"
"NO."
"If you're sure."
"I'm FINE." He takes a few deep breaths, then opens his eyes and starts inching his way back up the wall.
Rukia stands and watches. He really is worn out. She's kind of proud.
Ichigo stumbles a little as he pushes himself off the wall. "Just a little lightheaded," he says, glaring at her.
"I see," she smirks.
He turns away from her, fumbling with his hakama.
"How modest Captain Kurosaki is!"
He turns back around, glaring, but all tucked in. Then he reaches up and flicks his thumb across her cheek. "There," he says.
Rukia stares at him, wide-eyed. "What was that!"
He flushes, but grins at her. "Nothing, Vice-Captain Kuchiki."
"…We should return to the offices," she says primly.
"My thoughts exactly," he says.
"And shower."
His eyes start to go wide. "Sh-shower?"
She frowns at him. "What is that face for?"
Abruptly, the look is gone. "N-nothing. Absolutely nothing."
She watches his face for another moment, but can't figure out his expression. Shrugging a little, she walks past him toward the mouth of the alley. She gets as close to the street as she can without stepping out of the shadow and looks around.
Turning back to Ichigo, she says, "Looks like the coast is -" She notices how red he is and stops. "Stop blushing, you fool! We're going to see people we know on the way back!"
"I know that!" He makes a pathetic attempt to set his face in its usual scowl.
Rukia rolls her eyes, then marches over and kicks him in the shin.
"OW!"
"Perhaps we should go back by the roofs."
He rubs his leg. "Perhaps I should."
"…Right," she says. "Well. I'll… meet you in the office, then."
He nods. She wants to hesitate, but there's no excuse for it. She turns and walks toward the street.
She's a few steps from the end when he calls, "Rukia!" She turns immediately. "Which way is home again?"
She points.
"Right. …Thanks."
She nods and turns around. Then she steps out into the sunlit street, blinking against the brightness of the day.