Overheard in the Halls of the Academy on the Evening Before a Guest Lecture by Captain Kurosaki
"I heard she gave him her powers because she fell in love with him at first sight, and wanted him to be able to see her."
"No way! He totally fell in love with her first, and became a shinigami to be near her! That's why he came to rescue her and stuff."
"Besides, who would fall in love with Captain Kurosaki first?"
"What? He's totally hot!"
"Ooooh, Kanisawa has a cru~ush!"
"Shut up!"
"Make me!"
[sound of scuffling]
"By DOSE!"
"You deserved it!"
"Come on, guys…"
***
"He totally kept the vice-captain locked in his closet for like, months."
"No he didn't…"
"Did! I heard it too, from Yumiko-chan, and she knows someone in the division. She said she heard he never let her out, not once."
"I bet he did all kinds of immoral things to her."
"Ew, that's gross!"
"And when she finally escaped, he chased her all the way to Soul Society. They put her in the Senzaikyu to protect her from him."
"Didn't work very well, did it?"
***
"That guy? I bet he's sleeping with the Captain of the 9th."
"Abarai? No way! I heard they fight all the time."
"They DO! I saw them once. All up in each other's faces! Sexual tension you could cut with a knife."
"Wow, really?"
"I swear. And he's definitely gay. I hear he CRIES at the sight of breasts."
***
"I think he's some kind of experiment of Captain Mayuri's that escaped."
"You're an idiot."
"Think about it! He can't be a normal shinigami, they made him a Captain like two days after he died!"
"I think it was a little longer than that…"
"The point is, he's a freak! They say Captain Kuchiki killed him twice and he just kept coming back!"
"I did hear that the traitor cut him in half and he just kept on fighting."
"Yes! Exactly! Doesn't that sound a little zombie-ish to you?"
"It's freaky, Takahashi, but I haven't heard anything about him eating any brains."
"I don't think it's safe to have a zombie in the Gotei 13."
"Oh, and what are you gonna do about it?"
"…Just watch out for him. And one day, when we get out of here, when we're strong enough, we'll take him out for the good of Soul Society!"
"Yeah right. Zombie or not, he'll kick your ass!"
"Not in a few decades, he won't!"
"He destroyed the Soukyouku with his BARE HANDS! You're never gonna be that strong!"
"Shut up! Just because I'm not a ZOMBIE!"
***
"Did you know Kuchiki Rukia was adopted?"
"Midori was saying that the other day. But why would the Kuchikis adopt someone?"
"She must be someone's illegitimate kid."
"Whose? CAPTAIN Kuchiki's?"
"I dare you to go say that outside his office."
"NO WAY. Anyway, who else could it be?"
[moment of silence]
"…who do you think slept with him?"
"Ugghhhh, nobody! He's FREAKY."
"I dare you to go say that outside his office."
"I dare you to shut up!"
***
"Didn't Kurosaki slaughter the Central 46?"
"No, that was that Aizen dude."
"That's what they SAY. But didn't they all get killed right when Kurosaki showed up?"
"I guess."
"And you really think that's coincidence?"
***
"I heard that guy beat up the whole 11th division at once, just for fun."
"Even the captain?!"
"The captain first! He didn't even release his zanpakutou."
"That can't be right, moron, doesn't he walk around with his zanpakutou released all the time?"
"Oh yeah."
[snickering]
"Well - well, I guess he just, he didn't use his bankai! But I mean STILL. The whole 11th! I think it was his morning warm up."
"Hmph. I bet he didn't really beat them. He probably tricked them all into fighting each other. It wouldn't be that hard."
"Watanabe!"
"Either that or he was on drugs."
***
"Kuchiki's not his original vice-captain, you know."
"What? Of course she is, she's the one he slaughtered half of Soul Society to rescue and whatever."
"No, I know, but he picked some other dude first, I forget his name. And she KILLED him. I kid you not, Kuchiki was so fuckin' jealous someone else got the promotion she up and killed the guy, her own vice! So now she's the vice-captain."
"Scary…"
"You have no idea. They went out together one night, and only she came back. And when they went to look for him, all they found was a PILLAR OF ICE. In the shape of a body, with the face all twisted in pain."
"Okay, now you're just making shit up."
"No, no, it's true! And they say his ghost still walks the streets of Sereitei, seeking vengeance…"
"WE are ghosts, idiot!"
***
"I hear that before he came to Soul Society, he was training with the crazy exile."
"Which one?"
"Heh. Uh, the Urahara guy."
"The BABYEATER?"
"Ew! …I wonder if Captain Kurosaki eats babies now."
"I bet he gets them from the 12th."
"I bet he goes back to earth and has babyeating festivals when no one's looking."
"Do you think Kuchiki goes, too?"
"I bet Captain Kuchiki does."
"Do you think they go together?"
"But the captain HATES Kurosaki!"
"I dunno, man. Eating babies makes you do strange stuff."
***
"No way! He totally fell in love with her first, and became a shinigami to be near her! That's why he came to rescue her and stuff."
"Besides, who would fall in love with Captain Kurosaki first?"
"What? He's totally hot!"
"Ooooh, Kanisawa has a cru~ush!"
"Shut up!"
"Make me!"
[sound of scuffling]
"By DOSE!"
"You deserved it!"
"Come on, guys…"
***
"He totally kept the vice-captain locked in his closet for like, months."
"No he didn't…"
"Did! I heard it too, from Yumiko-chan, and she knows someone in the division. She said she heard he never let her out, not once."
"I bet he did all kinds of immoral things to her."
"Ew, that's gross!"
"And when she finally escaped, he chased her all the way to Soul Society. They put her in the Senzaikyu to protect her from him."
"Didn't work very well, did it?"
***
"That guy? I bet he's sleeping with the Captain of the 9th."
"Abarai? No way! I heard they fight all the time."
"They DO! I saw them once. All up in each other's faces! Sexual tension you could cut with a knife."
"Wow, really?"
"I swear. And he's definitely gay. I hear he CRIES at the sight of breasts."
***
"I think he's some kind of experiment of Captain Mayuri's that escaped."
"You're an idiot."
"Think about it! He can't be a normal shinigami, they made him a Captain like two days after he died!"
"I think it was a little longer than that…"
"The point is, he's a freak! They say Captain Kuchiki killed him twice and he just kept coming back!"
"I did hear that the traitor cut him in half and he just kept on fighting."
"Yes! Exactly! Doesn't that sound a little zombie-ish to you?"
"It's freaky, Takahashi, but I haven't heard anything about him eating any brains."
"I don't think it's safe to have a zombie in the Gotei 13."
"Oh, and what are you gonna do about it?"
"…Just watch out for him. And one day, when we get out of here, when we're strong enough, we'll take him out for the good of Soul Society!"
"Yeah right. Zombie or not, he'll kick your ass!"
"Not in a few decades, he won't!"
"He destroyed the Soukyouku with his BARE HANDS! You're never gonna be that strong!"
"Shut up! Just because I'm not a ZOMBIE!"
***
"Did you know Kuchiki Rukia was adopted?"
"Midori was saying that the other day. But why would the Kuchikis adopt someone?"
"She must be someone's illegitimate kid."
"Whose? CAPTAIN Kuchiki's?"
"I dare you to go say that outside his office."
"NO WAY. Anyway, who else could it be?"
[moment of silence]
"…who do you think slept with him?"
"Ugghhhh, nobody! He's FREAKY."
"I dare you to go say that outside his office."
"I dare you to shut up!"
***
"Didn't Kurosaki slaughter the Central 46?"
"No, that was that Aizen dude."
"That's what they SAY. But didn't they all get killed right when Kurosaki showed up?"
"I guess."
"And you really think that's coincidence?"
***
"I heard that guy beat up the whole 11th division at once, just for fun."
"Even the captain?!"
"The captain first! He didn't even release his zanpakutou."
"That can't be right, moron, doesn't he walk around with his zanpakutou released all the time?"
"Oh yeah."
[snickering]
"Well - well, I guess he just, he didn't use his bankai! But I mean STILL. The whole 11th! I think it was his morning warm up."
"Hmph. I bet he didn't really beat them. He probably tricked them all into fighting each other. It wouldn't be that hard."
"Watanabe!"
"Either that or he was on drugs."
***
"Kuchiki's not his original vice-captain, you know."
"What? Of course she is, she's the one he slaughtered half of Soul Society to rescue and whatever."
"No, I know, but he picked some other dude first, I forget his name. And she KILLED him. I kid you not, Kuchiki was so fuckin' jealous someone else got the promotion she up and killed the guy, her own vice! So now she's the vice-captain."
"Scary…"
"You have no idea. They went out together one night, and only she came back. And when they went to look for him, all they found was a PILLAR OF ICE. In the shape of a body, with the face all twisted in pain."
"Okay, now you're just making shit up."
"No, no, it's true! And they say his ghost still walks the streets of Sereitei, seeking vengeance…"
"WE are ghosts, idiot!"
***
"I hear that before he came to Soul Society, he was training with the crazy exile."
"Which one?"
"Heh. Uh, the Urahara guy."
"The BABYEATER?"
"Ew! …I wonder if Captain Kurosaki eats babies now."
"I bet he gets them from the 12th."
"I bet he goes back to earth and has babyeating festivals when no one's looking."
"Do you think Kuchiki goes, too?"
"I bet Captain Kuchiki does."
"Do you think they go together?"
"But the captain HATES Kurosaki!"
"I dunno, man. Eating babies makes you do strange stuff."
***