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[divinydistant]

I am unsure how to move forward. For the last few years I have been so completely focused on the past, reminiscing about things, mistakes made, people lost, opportunities lost, my youth lost, etc., etc. I am not saying I have been depressed all of the time; a lot of times it was about fond memories passing through my thoughts but it is/was always

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[raisinbottom]

From my point of view, this looks like a fear of the future. More apt, a fear that there is no future. What this thinking does is lock someone into inaction which does no good when action will break the cycle.

I'd recommend doing one thing every day that frightens you. No matter how small. I'm not talking about dumb shit like Fear Factor but everyday stuff that 'normal' or 'traditional' people take for granted. In my case, I'm afraid of being turned down because my memories are full of refusal and a lack of empowerment. One thing I try is to make eye contact with strangers and smile at them. It's a rush when they return the smile and makes both our days.

Last year I took this to an extreme which threatened my livelihood, more than just my life, and I realized one can push boundaries without being stupid.

You have power. You have control over your life because this is your life. I'm not quoting Fight Club nor any of Chuck Palahniuk's derivative novels, just FYI. Just be brave enough to wield it. Nothing changes overnight but it's an ongoing process from which you'll get stronger and happier.