Our black hearts worn on our sleeves
I hate this part of the moving process. Because my bank account and amount of days I have left here are about the same or at least diminishing at about the same rate. Alright, bank account a little faster than days left.
It's the fucking nitty-gritty, and I don't want shit to do with it all. I'm sick of moving places and having things not work out for me. But, I have this unique ability to fuck things up for myself. It's not a give up attitude, it's a fuck things up aptitude. I don't know, it's gonna be a tough month or so.
If I get a job at Target, it's gonna be touch-n-go. If I don't, I'll have to move back to Roanoke. If I do, there's a chance I'll have to move back anyway. I don't know what to do about the apartment, because they don't know that Brandon has been living here. So, I don't know what to do about him and/or getting him out of here. It's not like I have a lease to swap over to him. It's just fucking too much of a headache. But, like I told Sleaze: No Head, No Ache.
Fuck. That's about it. Fuck. I don't have much more going through my mind except that.
I have to finish the Raggs shit. I need the money and I only have to hand out coupons two more times and I get my $160 or something near that. That'll be nice, but most of that cash will be spent within a few days of it being in the bank. The beauty of being so close to broke. Thank fuck that I had that gift certificate for Food Lion.
I try to think back to the good times (or at least the simpler times) and find myself having to look harder and harder to find them. I know there are some, but as of right now it's hard for me not to cripple myself with the thoughts of now. I miss a lot, but that doesn't matter. It doesn't mean I don't care, I do. It means that I have so much more shit bouncing around my brain that I don't have to time to think about the good friends I have. In less than a month I might not have a cell phone for a little bit. I need a new plan and probably don't or won't have the payola to get it renewed or get a new one. I'll cross that milestone when the ground gives way.
Sometimes I hope that when the ground beneath my feet crumbles that I'll fall with it. If that doesn't say something about my state of mind, I don't know what does. I need a lot of things, but the one I can remedy right now is sleep.
It's the fucking nitty-gritty, and I don't want shit to do with it all. I'm sick of moving places and having things not work out for me. But, I have this unique ability to fuck things up for myself. It's not a give up attitude, it's a fuck things up aptitude. I don't know, it's gonna be a tough month or so.
If I get a job at Target, it's gonna be touch-n-go. If I don't, I'll have to move back to Roanoke. If I do, there's a chance I'll have to move back anyway. I don't know what to do about the apartment, because they don't know that Brandon has been living here. So, I don't know what to do about him and/or getting him out of here. It's not like I have a lease to swap over to him. It's just fucking too much of a headache. But, like I told Sleaze: No Head, No Ache.
Fuck. That's about it. Fuck. I don't have much more going through my mind except that.
I have to finish the Raggs shit. I need the money and I only have to hand out coupons two more times and I get my $160 or something near that. That'll be nice, but most of that cash will be spent within a few days of it being in the bank. The beauty of being so close to broke. Thank fuck that I had that gift certificate for Food Lion.
I try to think back to the good times (or at least the simpler times) and find myself having to look harder and harder to find them. I know there are some, but as of right now it's hard for me not to cripple myself with the thoughts of now. I miss a lot, but that doesn't matter. It doesn't mean I don't care, I do. It means that I have so much more shit bouncing around my brain that I don't have to time to think about the good friends I have. In less than a month I might not have a cell phone for a little bit. I need a new plan and probably don't or won't have the payola to get it renewed or get a new one. I'll cross that milestone when the ground gives way.
Sometimes I hope that when the ground beneath my feet crumbles that I'll fall with it. If that doesn't say something about my state of mind, I don't know what does. I need a lot of things, but the one I can remedy right now is sleep.