So sorry that you left me all alone
I sit and stare at my dieing cell phone. I'm in a dead zone somewhere near Nevada or Idaho, I'm not sure. I haven't given a shit. I can't make a call to Cali, and every time I try to text her it won't go through. I feel really bad about not calling her back. But, I think she understands. I'm going across country I'm not going to be in great spots on this bus. She knows that. She knows that I'll call her when I get settled in and plug my phone in. But that's a lie. A lie she doesn't know I've told her without saying a word. I look at the phone and my hand shakes as I close it every time. What do I say to her now? What could I say to her? I'm at a loss right now.
Cali sleeps like she hasn't slept in weeks. But, again most of the people on the bus do. After they've finished whatever chapter in their book they shut it and go to sleep. The only other living soul is the bus driver and myself. I'm really in no position to talk either, I've slept my fair share against the emergency bar of the bus window. I wonder why they allow such a small group of people to leave on a bus trip like this. I've only counted 16 people. Senor Snore behind me, Cali in my lap, Me counting everyone on the bus, a big haired tan lady near the front the bus driver, which we've had two as far as I know. Maybe a few more. And only 11 other people scattered throughout the seats. No one is behind Senior Snore, he's the farthest back and he's in number 27 out of I think 47 or 54 seats. I don't remember what was listed on my ticket, or even where that ticket is right now.
I don't bother trying to move Cali out of her slumber and try to pick up my bag to occupy my mind. I have plenty of other things bouncing around in there to keep my from falling asleep. When I look down at Cali in my lap I can't see her face, and her hair color is exactly the same as Cali when she had her head in my lap, but she was crying and not sleeping.
I left Zanesville and drove to Greensboro to meet Cali and stay at her apartment until my Greyhound left. It was a 6 hour drive, and it took a lot out of me. Whenever I'm driving somewhere, no matter if I have something to occupy my time like music or a book, my mind will always race about something. Taking the 6 hour drive down 77 South was no different. I had to stop in Virginia for a fill up and piss break and always tried to make it as close to halfway as I could. Since I went to UNCG with Cali I'd driven the interstate plenty of times, so I knew what sort of traffic to expect and I knew that my mind would wander and make the turns all by itself.
When I showed up at Cali's apartment door, she opened it and had the biggest smile I'd ever seen on her face. But it was accompanied with the largest amount of tears as well. She flung open the door and I dropped my bag and suitcase and we held onto each other. It was wonderful. I love those embraces, I long for them. We held onto each other for at least 5 minutes solid. I didn't mind that it started raining while we were holding onto each other. Cali didn't seem to mind either. After the hug and short conversation of how much we had missed each other I followed her in and dropped my things near the couch.
Cali had stayed in the same apartment since her transfer. Apartment 24 was like another home for me. And I loved being there. Until I told Cali why I had shown up there. She fell into my lap and cried. And I tried my hardest to make sure she knew that I cared for her and wanted her to understand why I was heading West. I even asked her to come along, but she said it was too sudden to even think about leaving. She was almost done with her final year at UNCG. I told her after she was finished she could come out and find me, live where I was. Find a job, and have at least one really great friend. But, it was to no avail.
We mostly stayed around the apartment and stayed connected in some way knowing it could be a long time before we saw each other again. We would sleep in her bed or take naps on her couch. Watch movies and make diner. It was one of the happiest times I have to think back about. But like most of my happy memories there was the knowledge that right around the corner was going to be a big low point. Cali and I had never been closer and that's probably the only reason I told her that I loved her before I left. We shared so much those days before I left her in the rain watching me leave on a bus, heading West. Looking for my destiny, but leaving part of it in North Carolina.
Cali sleeps like she hasn't slept in weeks. But, again most of the people on the bus do. After they've finished whatever chapter in their book they shut it and go to sleep. The only other living soul is the bus driver and myself. I'm really in no position to talk either, I've slept my fair share against the emergency bar of the bus window. I wonder why they allow such a small group of people to leave on a bus trip like this. I've only counted 16 people. Senor Snore behind me, Cali in my lap, Me counting everyone on the bus, a big haired tan lady near the front the bus driver, which we've had two as far as I know. Maybe a few more. And only 11 other people scattered throughout the seats. No one is behind Senior Snore, he's the farthest back and he's in number 27 out of I think 47 or 54 seats. I don't remember what was listed on my ticket, or even where that ticket is right now.
I don't bother trying to move Cali out of her slumber and try to pick up my bag to occupy my mind. I have plenty of other things bouncing around in there to keep my from falling asleep. When I look down at Cali in my lap I can't see her face, and her hair color is exactly the same as Cali when she had her head in my lap, but she was crying and not sleeping.
I left Zanesville and drove to Greensboro to meet Cali and stay at her apartment until my Greyhound left. It was a 6 hour drive, and it took a lot out of me. Whenever I'm driving somewhere, no matter if I have something to occupy my time like music or a book, my mind will always race about something. Taking the 6 hour drive down 77 South was no different. I had to stop in Virginia for a fill up and piss break and always tried to make it as close to halfway as I could. Since I went to UNCG with Cali I'd driven the interstate plenty of times, so I knew what sort of traffic to expect and I knew that my mind would wander and make the turns all by itself.
When I showed up at Cali's apartment door, she opened it and had the biggest smile I'd ever seen on her face. But it was accompanied with the largest amount of tears as well. She flung open the door and I dropped my bag and suitcase and we held onto each other. It was wonderful. I love those embraces, I long for them. We held onto each other for at least 5 minutes solid. I didn't mind that it started raining while we were holding onto each other. Cali didn't seem to mind either. After the hug and short conversation of how much we had missed each other I followed her in and dropped my things near the couch.
Cali had stayed in the same apartment since her transfer. Apartment 24 was like another home for me. And I loved being there. Until I told Cali why I had shown up there. She fell into my lap and cried. And I tried my hardest to make sure she knew that I cared for her and wanted her to understand why I was heading West. I even asked her to come along, but she said it was too sudden to even think about leaving. She was almost done with her final year at UNCG. I told her after she was finished she could come out and find me, live where I was. Find a job, and have at least one really great friend. But, it was to no avail.
We mostly stayed around the apartment and stayed connected in some way knowing it could be a long time before we saw each other again. We would sleep in her bed or take naps on her couch. Watch movies and make diner. It was one of the happiest times I have to think back about. But like most of my happy memories there was the knowledge that right around the corner was going to be a big low point. Cali and I had never been closer and that's probably the only reason I told her that I loved her before I left. We shared so much those days before I left her in the rain watching me leave on a bus, heading West. Looking for my destiny, but leaving part of it in North Carolina.