(no subject)
so about six days have passed since i've written. get over it, no one reads this shit anyway. What i have to say isn't really important to you, but it's important to me.
Lately some problems i was having and thought i was over are coming back.. with a vengence. These problems that i quote have under control unquote.. are really not that controllable. But neither are the situations i've been put in lately. I just have so much to think about. Its my life and i need to know that what im doing with it is going to be worth something. But no one can tell me that. I'm drifitng away from the people that i "love" the most. I need to apologize because the way i love is the only way i know how. There are many different kinds of love that you share with different kinds of people. I have observed and instructed myself accordingly but its not enough because really all im trying to do right now is hold myself together.. no one else ever has or ever will do that for me. this i know. Things are changing, you are changing. As for me? i think i am staying the same in many ways. Just as much of a fuck-up as before, just with a little more character. I know i need to get away, and most people would ask how you could leave everything behind. My answer: i wouldn't be. There isn't much for me here. I've always known this. I just feel really out of my element. I don't do the things i used to... the things that i guess could make me happy. Work is becoming really stressful... especially when your boss is pregnant. but whatever. i saved a dog's life the other day. We were supposed to be testing for amalayse and lipayse... but joana gave me amalayse and crea slides... i forgot to double-check and therefore entered the wrong slides. I got yelled at again. Then she read teh results and said that if i hadn't of made a mistake that the dog would have died of renal failure... That's alot to take in for me. But whatever.. then they tell me that dudley wilder was put to sleep.. the dog that all summer i was giving lacted ringers to. That same day i check the schedule at 3:00 and see that Buzz morse was going to be put down at 5:30. How can you do that.? What do you do if you were to find out that you had 2 and a half hours left to live of your life. I just don't get how life works right now. I dont get it.. The best part?? NO ONE EVEN GIVES A SHIT ANYMORE. SO DON'T PRETEND LIKE YOU DO. Please don't think i don't know teh things you say when you pretend to listen. How you say the same thing over and over again. Im not dumb. I just need everything new at this point. Aside from that... Ross came over and we watched amittyville horror. Then he left me again for the east coast. fun fun. and you- cut your shit!! "IM GUNNA KILL MYSELF IF___________DOESN'T GO MY WAY!!!" - i doubt youd be so kind.
bottom line- you live your life and i'll just live mine.