Ninth Secret: Mirror flower [accidental]

[divine_dork]

[The feed finds Aizen at the shaded porch of the house he'd settled into, one of the traditional Japanese houses. He is kneeling on the bare wood, hands crossed in his lap and eyes shut, meditating. The sharp-eyed would notice that while he still wears his shinigami uniform, his lieutenant's badge is gone

Comments

[Unhackable Video after deliberating a little bit.]

[2ndlt_jeanhavoc]

[Jean sees the post just fine, he's normally at his PCD when he's not doing something in his yard. Or house work. Work on a house that seems much closer than Jean had predicted.

Damned if the poor guy didn't look a little down either.

There's the signature talking to weapons he's used to though, so he really does believe this is the guy now.]

What's got ya in such a state?

[Vaguely hackable Video]

[divine_dork]

[This voice gives him a bit of a start, as though he was halfway not expecting Jean to speak to him again. His eyes dart hesitantly from the sword to the PCD.]

Ah, Jean-san... it's nothing that should trouble you. This device is capricious, it seems.

[Perm Vague Hack Video]

[2ndlt_jeanhavoc]

[Jean's going to pretend that the word is small enough for him to understand - he figures it has to do with the PCD always turning on anyway though.]

Yeah, PCD's can be a pain sometimes.. y'sure there's nothin' y'wanna get off your chest?

[Perm Vague Hack Video]

[divine_dork]

Well... do you know anything about zanpakuto spirits? Perhaps Matsumoto-fukutaicho has told you.

[2ndlt_jeanhavoc]

[Jean nods his head slowly. Those words are familiar too.]
Yeah she told me that some'a the weapons talk to their owner.

[divine_dork]

Yes, well... mine is not talking as much or as clearly as I would like it to.

[2ndlt_jeanhavoc]

[Jean can only equate this to losing a best friend or something, the look on Aizen's face spelled that out enough.]

..D...Do they ever ..'dunno, uh, hibernate? Or rest t'recuperate?

[divine_dork]

Not as such, no... although they are not obligated to respond, nor is the bond without its stresses and conflicts. It may be that it simply has no insight.

[2ndlt_jeanhavoc]

...Well sometimes a human ear'll help out more than maybe a metal one. What kinda setback are y'into?

[divine_dork]

[There's a pause at that as Aizen considers, his expression softening, becoming faraway and thoughtful. Existential angst in three...]

Jean-san... do you believe that some sins are unforgivable?

[2ndlt_jeanhavoc]

[He waits through the pause, wondering if Aizen really is going to give talking to him about it. He's kind of surprised at the question, but at the same time, he figured it would have to be something big for that much sadness in one look.

Sins. He understands that more than most, but in the direct sense.]

What kinda sin do y'mean? Some of 'em I hope are... but that's only if th'person gives a damn they did it. If they're remorseful about it... I don't see why there shouldn't be some sorta forgiveness in it - at least a bit. ..Least that's how I figure it.

[divine_dork]

[That's apparently not the answer AiZen was hoping for. He doesn't quite flinch, but his shoulders slump a little. After all, how can you express remorse for something you haven't yet done?]

Of course, that is granting that the remorse is genuine... and if one's sin involved the breaking of trust... what is there left?

[2ndlt_jeanhavoc]

[Jean frowns.. this poor guy's so far down on himself. It's obvious to Jean, now at least, what he's talking about.]

Well... Funny thing that trust stuff. Y'build it back up slowly. That's what's left. I get what you're really askin' now. Y'haven't done a thing wrong, that's a future you.

Like I said, Ran di- ..Lieutenant Matsumoto, sorry - Didn't tell me details n' quite frankly I don't want you t'have t'even bother. Whatever happened there may'a happened because of somethin' that occurred back home. We're in Adstring now right? New start.

[divine_dork]

... your optimism is hard to resist.

[There's a faint smile. Jean's easy straightforward attitude to what is, to him, an unbearably complicated question is a breath of fresh air.]

I wish that that were so, that I could believe there must have been a reason - a good reason. I suppose we always think that we act for a good reason, don't we? But that is a dangerous path. I do not wish to justify what happened, or to doubt my fellow officers' accounts.

[2ndlt_jeanhavoc]

[Jean is relieved to see that smile, even faint its still a smile. He's wearing a similar one, only much more obvious.]

Y'don't have t'justify nothin' really. Y'didn't do it up until this point right? Y'never thought'a goin' against Superiors or Colleagues, friends n' the like? Like I said. Y'can't be guilty'a somethin' you didn't do.

[To which he adds.]
'yet' or not. Don't be so down on yourself, you seem like a nice fun guy. Not gonna be able t'convince 'em otherwise if y'can't convince and believe in yourself.

[divine_dork]

Perhaps not guilty... [That's already a big step forward, mind you. Jean, you should be a therapist!]

But aware, yes. Cautious. The potential is there where I never imagined it to exist. Can I truly trust myself? Should I? That may just be the fatal mistake.