Newest lame-ness...
Okay, so I decided that I was gonna tell this kid I couldn't date him. The truth of the matter is I don't find him that attractive, he can creep me out sometimes, and he's offended me more than once (ex: "You're practically perfect. I mean, you're a little chubby, but other than that..."). I just don't wanna date this kid. Also, kind of a drama queen (ex: "I'm here if you need me. But nobody ever does, so..."). But, instead of telling him all that, I send him this instead:
"A couple months ago I got my heart broken pretty hardcore by this kid at school. And, I know it was a bit ago, and dating should make it go away...But I haven't dated anyone since and Saturday made me realize that I'm just not ready. I'm really sorry. :( I didn't mean to do this I promise, I just can't. :("
I know I prayed on the Blake thing hardcore, maybe a little more so than I felt it. The truth of the matter is I probably would be fine dating again, just not this kid.
His response to my text:
"I understand Courtney. My wife to be left me three years ago (This kid's 20, btw) and I've just now started dating again, but dating someone new is a part of the healing process believe it or not. I promise not to hurt you Courtney, you're a wonderful girl and I couldn't be so lucky. If you're willing to give me a chance, I'm willing to fight with all my might to make it work. It's your final decision though and I have to respect what ever you decide. I want to be urs (yes, "urs")."
My response:
"You're sweet, you really are. But something you have to know, I'm not worried about you hurting me. It takes a lot to do that, so you gotta know this kid put me through the ringer. But he messages me sometimes, and I want him to and he still makes me smile. And, I know I'm gonna want all of that from him for a while. I can't do that to someone else. Because I know that for a while at least anytime this kid contacts me, he's all I'll see."
Which is kinda of true, but that's only cause I haven't found anyone yet that interests me more than Blake does. *shrug*
His reply (at which point I really wanna hit him):
"That's probably why you're still in pain. If you didn't know still being in contact with your exes stops the healing process altogether. I know from first hand experience and I've also read about it online. While it breaks my heart that you don't wanna date me it's nothing I haven't already endured. I want you to be happy and if that's what you want, so be it. Are you absolutely sure though? If nothing else, lemme help you heal."
I said no, but in nicer terms, I don't really remember. His reply to that was:
"I understand, because I'm going through the same thing. Albeit a different person for different reasons. I'm sorry I don't live up to this other guy."
DRAMA QUEEN. Hardcore drama queen that can't take no for an answer, I swear.
Then he said all this stuff about how if you wanna love again you have to let someone in. Then he said he'll always be here if I ever need him but no one ever does so... To which I responded, "Honey, fuck that drama shit." He said he was sorry, just a little depressed, but he was being honest. This all culminated in him trying to talk about something else and me saying a needed to sleep.
Everything seemed to end fairly well considering. Except, I got this this morning:
"I just wanted to send ya an email, telling you how I really felt since
txting isn't that great at conveying what I wanna say.
I'm sorry if I made you angry or offended you in anyway, I just don't
handle rejection too well.
Anyway, im not angry or anything but I wanted you to know what I
really think of you.
From the day I met you I thought you had to be to good to be true;
your smart, witty, humble, sweet, and have every other desirable trait
I want in a woman. On top of that your pretty. I mean you really are
the total package; Aleast you are in my eyes. I really like you, and
i'd like to be yours if you'll have me. I mean serious dating though;
bf/gf typa thing. I know you've got a broken heart but im more than
willing to help you heal, maybe even love again.
I mean if you'll give me a second chance that is. I'm all about second
chances too ya know?
Courtney, I know your not perfect but your damn close, and that kinda
intimidates me since I've never known a girl like you before. I know
the first date wasn't that great, I promise the second will be ten
times better, if there is a second. I'm not going anywhere, so when
ever your ready, or if you atleast wanna talk about it; call me. don't
txt. we'll hash it out. I hope to hear from you."
I DON'T wanna date this kid. I tried being nice, I tried saying there was someone else. I mean, the deal is, I'd go out with him and be like whatever if he lived closer. That's one of the main things. I don't feel like putting that much effort into a relationship with someone I don't really like. This kid reminds me of my ex (Jesse), and I was with him for a couple months...but he lived 5 minutes down the road. It was easy, I never had to drive anywhere, and I had nothing better to do. That sounds mean, I know, but I'm 20 fucking years old. I refuse to be completely serious about my relationships. Blake is a fluke, I know that much. With other guys I'm just kind of like whatever most of the time. It doesn't help that he annoys the shit out of me and whines like a dramatic baby. I've had enough of that, I lived with it for the last 5 months, not to mention shit at him. Relationships should be easy when that start out. Fuck this drama shit.
"A couple months ago I got my heart broken pretty hardcore by this kid at school. And, I know it was a bit ago, and dating should make it go away...But I haven't dated anyone since and Saturday made me realize that I'm just not ready. I'm really sorry. :( I didn't mean to do this I promise, I just can't. :("
I know I prayed on the Blake thing hardcore, maybe a little more so than I felt it. The truth of the matter is I probably would be fine dating again, just not this kid.
His response to my text:
"I understand Courtney. My wife to be left me three years ago (This kid's 20, btw) and I've just now started dating again, but dating someone new is a part of the healing process believe it or not. I promise not to hurt you Courtney, you're a wonderful girl and I couldn't be so lucky. If you're willing to give me a chance, I'm willing to fight with all my might to make it work. It's your final decision though and I have to respect what ever you decide. I want to be urs (yes, "urs")."
My response:
"You're sweet, you really are. But something you have to know, I'm not worried about you hurting me. It takes a lot to do that, so you gotta know this kid put me through the ringer. But he messages me sometimes, and I want him to and he still makes me smile. And, I know I'm gonna want all of that from him for a while. I can't do that to someone else. Because I know that for a while at least anytime this kid contacts me, he's all I'll see."
Which is kinda of true, but that's only cause I haven't found anyone yet that interests me more than Blake does. *shrug*
His reply (at which point I really wanna hit him):
"That's probably why you're still in pain. If you didn't know still being in contact with your exes stops the healing process altogether. I know from first hand experience and I've also read about it online. While it breaks my heart that you don't wanna date me it's nothing I haven't already endured. I want you to be happy and if that's what you want, so be it. Are you absolutely sure though? If nothing else, lemme help you heal."
I said no, but in nicer terms, I don't really remember. His reply to that was:
"I understand, because I'm going through the same thing. Albeit a different person for different reasons. I'm sorry I don't live up to this other guy."
DRAMA QUEEN. Hardcore drama queen that can't take no for an answer, I swear.
Then he said all this stuff about how if you wanna love again you have to let someone in. Then he said he'll always be here if I ever need him but no one ever does so... To which I responded, "Honey, fuck that drama shit." He said he was sorry, just a little depressed, but he was being honest. This all culminated in him trying to talk about something else and me saying a needed to sleep.
Everything seemed to end fairly well considering. Except, I got this this morning:
"I just wanted to send ya an email, telling you how I really felt since
txting isn't that great at conveying what I wanna say.
I'm sorry if I made you angry or offended you in anyway, I just don't
handle rejection too well.
Anyway, im not angry or anything but I wanted you to know what I
really think of you.
From the day I met you I thought you had to be to good to be true;
your smart, witty, humble, sweet, and have every other desirable trait
I want in a woman. On top of that your pretty. I mean you really are
the total package; Aleast you are in my eyes. I really like you, and
i'd like to be yours if you'll have me. I mean serious dating though;
bf/gf typa thing. I know you've got a broken heart but im more than
willing to help you heal, maybe even love again.
I mean if you'll give me a second chance that is. I'm all about second
chances too ya know?
Courtney, I know your not perfect but your damn close, and that kinda
intimidates me since I've never known a girl like you before. I know
the first date wasn't that great, I promise the second will be ten
times better, if there is a second. I'm not going anywhere, so when
ever your ready, or if you atleast wanna talk about it; call me. don't
txt. we'll hash it out. I hope to hear from you."
I DON'T wanna date this kid. I tried being nice, I tried saying there was someone else. I mean, the deal is, I'd go out with him and be like whatever if he lived closer. That's one of the main things. I don't feel like putting that much effort into a relationship with someone I don't really like. This kid reminds me of my ex (Jesse), and I was with him for a couple months...but he lived 5 minutes down the road. It was easy, I never had to drive anywhere, and I had nothing better to do. That sounds mean, I know, but I'm 20 fucking years old. I refuse to be completely serious about my relationships. Blake is a fluke, I know that much. With other guys I'm just kind of like whatever most of the time. It doesn't help that he annoys the shit out of me and whines like a dramatic baby. I've had enough of that, I lived with it for the last 5 months, not to mention shit at him. Relationships should be easy when that start out. Fuck this drama shit.