Lack of guts in the romace department rant...
Okay, I'm gonna go into a lack-of-guts-in-the-romance-department rant accompanied by a small probably very stupid little story from today. Feel free to not look under the cut, I just need to type it out:
Okay, so I go into Hot Topic today with some friends looking for HP merch.
It's not very busy - for Hot Topic - and it seems a little cleaned out product wise...more space to move around, which just strikes me as odd but that could be me. Anyway, one of the employees is walking around fixing crooked displays, items, etc. An employee which I immediately register as cute in a dark-shaggy-hair/taller-than-me/nice-face kinda way.
So, I'm standing by the HP merch, watching my friends pick what shirt and/or bag and/or wrist band they're going to buy. On the side I'm standing is an HP pillow with Marauder stuff on it, and tassels at all four corners. Said employee goes to fix one tassel - doesn't know I'm looking at him, I assume - and bats it back and forth a few time. I kinda do one of those air-pushed-through-the-nose giggles with a raised eyebrow and a little smirk, because I find this incredibly cute...which is just me. He looks up, kinda does one of those blush/smiles (like "oh crap, didn't know anyone was watching"), ducks his head, and goes over to straighten some CD's.
We're in the store a bit longer (friends still looking, me not so much at the merch) and I decide I'm gonna try to talk to him. The deal is, my flirting skills are really weak. So, I ask a question. I ask about the store being kinda not-crowded (but not worded like that). We converse a little over the question, like his asks if I mean merch or people wise, I clarify, he answers my question a little loosely - giving me a few reasons why it might seem that way, then there is a second of silence and I'm like "Well okay, I was just wondering" and kinda angle my body away a bit.
Nothing else, a friend says something funny as we're about to head toward the door, I'm kinda in mid-laugh as we walk toward the exit and pass the guy, in mid-laugh I say "Bye" or some form of that and we leave. And, I've been kicking myself ever since.
Why didn't I flirt a little bit? Comment on the tassel thing, at least throw out there that I thought it was cute...if he was like "Yeah, okay, please leave me alone" it's not like I'd ever have to see him again. Or maybe, I don't know, just something stupid like after he answered my question I could have been like "I was just wondering cause you can usually barely move in here *insert smile*, so I was curious." Or at least been like, "Hi, my names Rory..."? Again, if he wasn't into it, it's not like people stay employed at Hot Topic long, I'd probably never see him again...nothing to lose!
And I do this shit all the time! My mother once said to me that when guys talk to me I don't seem like I'm interested, and I honestly don't know how to remedy this. I mean, sure, I was homeschooled growing up so I wasn't around a lot of guys. But that feels like such a cop out, because I did a lot of things outside of school so I didn't end up like homeschoolers who are portrayed in movies and shit (that do exist, let me tell you, but the majority aren't like that). I just, I don't know what to say...and I get nervous around the kinda-confident guys. I don't get as outwardly nervous around the shy ones, but then I can't think of where to take the conversation and I end up just blowing it off. I don't get nervous at all around the guys that obviously like me, but I'm not attracted to that at all, so that does me no good. And, according to numerous friends, I don't notice when guys are interested in me.
And (I can't even think about the whole not-noticing-thing), I think of stuff to say after wards (in terms of trying to flirt)...sort of, stuff that would have at-least kept the conversation going a little longer!
I just...GAAH! *sigh*
Thank you for 'listening' to my unedited rant (if you didn't, it's completely okay). I will now go crawl under a fantasy rock where I have no problems talking to people of the opposite sex that I am attracted to.
Okay, so I go into Hot Topic today with some friends looking for HP merch.
It's not very busy - for Hot Topic - and it seems a little cleaned out product wise...more space to move around, which just strikes me as odd but that could be me. Anyway, one of the employees is walking around fixing crooked displays, items, etc. An employee which I immediately register as cute in a dark-shaggy-hair/taller-than-me/nice-face kinda way.
So, I'm standing by the HP merch, watching my friends pick what shirt and/or bag and/or wrist band they're going to buy. On the side I'm standing is an HP pillow with Marauder stuff on it, and tassels at all four corners. Said employee goes to fix one tassel - doesn't know I'm looking at him, I assume - and bats it back and forth a few time. I kinda do one of those air-pushed-through-the-nose giggles with a raised eyebrow and a little smirk, because I find this incredibly cute...which is just me. He looks up, kinda does one of those blush/smiles (like "oh crap, didn't know anyone was watching"), ducks his head, and goes over to straighten some CD's.
We're in the store a bit longer (friends still looking, me not so much at the merch) and I decide I'm gonna try to talk to him. The deal is, my flirting skills are really weak. So, I ask a question. I ask about the store being kinda not-crowded (but not worded like that). We converse a little over the question, like his asks if I mean merch or people wise, I clarify, he answers my question a little loosely - giving me a few reasons why it might seem that way, then there is a second of silence and I'm like "Well okay, I was just wondering" and kinda angle my body away a bit.
Nothing else, a friend says something funny as we're about to head toward the door, I'm kinda in mid-laugh as we walk toward the exit and pass the guy, in mid-laugh I say "Bye" or some form of that and we leave. And, I've been kicking myself ever since.
Why didn't I flirt a little bit? Comment on the tassel thing, at least throw out there that I thought it was cute...if he was like "Yeah, okay, please leave me alone" it's not like I'd ever have to see him again. Or maybe, I don't know, just something stupid like after he answered my question I could have been like "I was just wondering cause you can usually barely move in here *insert smile*, so I was curious." Or at least been like, "Hi, my names Rory..."? Again, if he wasn't into it, it's not like people stay employed at Hot Topic long, I'd probably never see him again...nothing to lose!
And I do this shit all the time! My mother once said to me that when guys talk to me I don't seem like I'm interested, and I honestly don't know how to remedy this. I mean, sure, I was homeschooled growing up so I wasn't around a lot of guys. But that feels like such a cop out, because I did a lot of things outside of school so I didn't end up like homeschoolers who are portrayed in movies and shit (that do exist, let me tell you, but the majority aren't like that). I just, I don't know what to say...and I get nervous around the kinda-confident guys. I don't get as outwardly nervous around the shy ones, but then I can't think of where to take the conversation and I end up just blowing it off. I don't get nervous at all around the guys that obviously like me, but I'm not attracted to that at all, so that does me no good. And, according to numerous friends, I don't notice when guys are interested in me.
And (I can't even think about the whole not-noticing-thing), I think of stuff to say after wards (in terms of trying to flirt)...sort of, stuff that would have at-least kept the conversation going a little longer!
I just...GAAH! *sigh*
Thank you for 'listening' to my unedited rant (if you didn't, it's completely okay). I will now go crawl under a fantasy rock where I have no problems talking to people of the opposite sex that I am attracted to.