(no subject)
I am feeling somewhat calmer but no less upset now than I was at the beginning of the week. I have taken myself out with friends, kept myself busy and generaly tried to keep moving forward - after all, that's what we do right? When things block us or hurt us, we have to keep going. So in order to keep going I have also taken up seriously abusing my cross trainer. I did 19 miles on it on Thursday and 16 miles yesterday. I am aiming for 20 miles today and 20 miles tomorrow, then I will have a few days rest as I think my poor body will not be too happy. It's weird though - channelling all the negative thoughts, feelings and energy into that sort of thing is meant to help but, for me anyway, it doesn't make a huge difference. I have also just moved three wardrobes and a huge double bed around my spare bedroom which may not have been the wisest decision as I am a little sore. Then again (and I am aware that this makes me sound rather masochistic) pain is good right? Reminds you that you can still feel and all that crap.
I was thinking about wishes yesterday. We all get at least one good wish per year - over the candles on our birthday cake. Some of us throw in more - on eyelashes, fountains, lucky stars etc. And every now and then one of those wishes come true. So what then? Is it as good as we had hoped? Do we bask in the warm glow of our happiness? Or, do we simply notice that there is still a long list of other wishes just waiting to be wished? And what if what we wish for in a moment is something we get in a moment, but only for a moment? We wish because we need help. And because we're scared. And we know that we may be asking too much but we still wish though. Because sometimes, just sometimes, they come true and survive.
Carry You - VNV Nation
Conceal your deepest worries
Confine your thoughts inside
The walls you built of damaged pride
The light in your eyes failing
Like you're adrift
Like night pretending to be day
These storms subside
Though the past, the unwanted memories, are holding onto you
All the power in the universe conspires to carry you
Truths you find through your adversities will defend you
As your powers and all your energies conspire to carry you
The adversary to your soul
The blackest thoughts
That try to poison you
These storms subside
Lay down your greatest burden
Relinquish that which has control of you
And let yourself through
Though it seems the past and the future look the same
Suffice to say you're still here
I was thinking about wishes yesterday. We all get at least one good wish per year - over the candles on our birthday cake. Some of us throw in more - on eyelashes, fountains, lucky stars etc. And every now and then one of those wishes come true. So what then? Is it as good as we had hoped? Do we bask in the warm glow of our happiness? Or, do we simply notice that there is still a long list of other wishes just waiting to be wished? And what if what we wish for in a moment is something we get in a moment, but only for a moment? We wish because we need help. And because we're scared. And we know that we may be asking too much but we still wish though. Because sometimes, just sometimes, they come true and survive.
Carry You - VNV Nation
Conceal your deepest worries
Confine your thoughts inside
The walls you built of damaged pride
The light in your eyes failing
Like you're adrift
Like night pretending to be day
These storms subside
Though the past, the unwanted memories, are holding onto you
All the power in the universe conspires to carry you
Truths you find through your adversities will defend you
As your powers and all your energies conspire to carry you
The adversary to your soul
The blackest thoughts
That try to poison you
These storms subside
Lay down your greatest burden
Relinquish that which has control of you
And let yourself through
Though it seems the past and the future look the same
Suffice to say you're still here