confusion
This is my first entry. I am taking this time to benchmark my current events. About two weeks ago, I grew balls and left my girlfriend of two and a half years. I wasn't as happy as I could have been. I had been thinking about leaving her for quite some time, but just never had the gaul. I believe I was given the strength to do so by a very special friend of mine: Sam.
I have had feelings for Sam for years now and have always just denied them. We always seemed perfect for each other,but were never available to be together. Sam and I have had this sort of unspoken connection. We met very young and have crossed paths many times in life. During our friendship we would go long periods of time without contact. But when we did meet up again it was as if nothing had changed.
So there I was, comfortably trapped in a so-so relationship with someone I loved,but was growing to resent. Yet again, Sam and I crossed paths. Only this time, it would turn out vastly different. We hung out for awhile, playing catch-up, and I could feel myself falling for her. One night I just went for it.
Sam and I had expressed to each other that we would like to be together. Somewhere during the course of the night,we kissed and my heart melted. I had cheated on my girlfriend, Becky. But strangely enough the pain was met with excitement, because instantly I knew what I had to do.
So I left Becky to be with Sam. The breakup was difficult, and saddening. I felt extreme guilt, which I deserved. But even through the pain and guilt, I knew I was doing the right thing. The only catch I experienced throughout the ordeal was the fact that Becky clung to my mother and vice-versa, which made things difficult, but I dealt with it.
Here I am, two weeks later,(I know, big whoop!) I can honestly say it has been the best two weeks of my life. I have fallen completely in love with Sam, and she with me. It may seem soon, but I attribute the intensity of it to the fact that we have suppressed our feelings for each other for so long that when we finally had the chance to act on them, we both just burst with emotion.
That leads me to my current dilemma: pregnancy. There is a slight chance that Becky could be pregnant. This would obviously complicate things greatly. I don't really think she is, and neither does she, but even the notion bothers the three of us tremendously.
Even more troubling than the mere thought of being a father at such a young age, is the fact that I am compelled to believe that the right thing to do in this given situation would be to leave Sam and return to Becky to help raise our child. But would I grow to resent Becky and/or said child? I don't know and that truly bothers me.
I don't know what I would do. I can't imagine leaving Sam. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone. Man, that feels strange saying. I have only been with her two weeks. But I know it's true. I would do anything for her. She brightens my days, and makes me feel so wonderful, I don't know what I would do without her.
It scares me to think that I might feel the need to leave her. But what scares me more is that even though I think leaving her to be with Becky for our child would be the right thing to do, I don't think I could. I really don't see myself doing that. I would probably just selfishly try to juggle a new relationship and new child. I would most certainly fail at one.
I don't know, I'm too tired to decide right now. Goodnight.
I have had feelings for Sam for years now and have always just denied them. We always seemed perfect for each other,but were never available to be together. Sam and I have had this sort of unspoken connection. We met very young and have crossed paths many times in life. During our friendship we would go long periods of time without contact. But when we did meet up again it was as if nothing had changed.
So there I was, comfortably trapped in a so-so relationship with someone I loved,but was growing to resent. Yet again, Sam and I crossed paths. Only this time, it would turn out vastly different. We hung out for awhile, playing catch-up, and I could feel myself falling for her. One night I just went for it.
Sam and I had expressed to each other that we would like to be together. Somewhere during the course of the night,we kissed and my heart melted. I had cheated on my girlfriend, Becky. But strangely enough the pain was met with excitement, because instantly I knew what I had to do.
So I left Becky to be with Sam. The breakup was difficult, and saddening. I felt extreme guilt, which I deserved. But even through the pain and guilt, I knew I was doing the right thing. The only catch I experienced throughout the ordeal was the fact that Becky clung to my mother and vice-versa, which made things difficult, but I dealt with it.
Here I am, two weeks later,(I know, big whoop!) I can honestly say it has been the best two weeks of my life. I have fallen completely in love with Sam, and she with me. It may seem soon, but I attribute the intensity of it to the fact that we have suppressed our feelings for each other for so long that when we finally had the chance to act on them, we both just burst with emotion.
That leads me to my current dilemma: pregnancy. There is a slight chance that Becky could be pregnant. This would obviously complicate things greatly. I don't really think she is, and neither does she, but even the notion bothers the three of us tremendously.
Even more troubling than the mere thought of being a father at such a young age, is the fact that I am compelled to believe that the right thing to do in this given situation would be to leave Sam and return to Becky to help raise our child. But would I grow to resent Becky and/or said child? I don't know and that truly bothers me.
I don't know what I would do. I can't imagine leaving Sam. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone. Man, that feels strange saying. I have only been with her two weeks. But I know it's true. I would do anything for her. She brightens my days, and makes me feel so wonderful, I don't know what I would do without her.
It scares me to think that I might feel the need to leave her. But what scares me more is that even though I think leaving her to be with Becky for our child would be the right thing to do, I don't think I could. I really don't see myself doing that. I would probably just selfishly try to juggle a new relationship and new child. I would most certainly fail at one.
I don't know, I'm too tired to decide right now. Goodnight.