(Untitled)

[brthrs_watchdog]

Who: Machi, Dr. Peckers [closed]
What: Therapy
When: May 23rd, 2010, daytime
Where: Royal Base, Machi's room

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[dive_npc]

Throughout her story, Dr. Peckers remained calm. Oh, there was emotion in his eyes, but he made no action or said anything based on it.

Finally, once Tentomon quieted her, he spoke up.

"I can understand your feelings, Machi. You saw everyone around you, suffering, and you bore the burden of never having to share it with them. You feel guilt over it... a guilt that eats away at you, am I right?"

The ostrich-like digimon shook his head.

"This isn't a matter of fate, or consequence. I'm not going to say that... you were meant to survive. But at the same time, avoiding death is not something to feel guilty for. These events were out of your hands... that's not fate. That's not moral action. It just is.

"The contract you were bound to sounds like a terrible thing. Not unlike the one forced upon so many of you Tamers by Yggdrasil. And it's terrible that you are forced to deal with such things at a young age... and I promise you, I will do everything I can to guide you through it..."

At last he rose, walking over and putting his wing on Machi's shoulder.

"But the most important lesson, I will tell you now. You are not a bad person. You never abandoned anyone. The best thing that you can do, is to live your life for yourself, and for the memory of your friends. Don't allow this tragedy to overwhelm who you are..."

[brthrs_watchdog]

Machi looked up at Dr. Peckers and murmured, "B-but it's my fault. That's-- A-all I knew f-for over a year w-was just that-- it was my fault. That's all I heard--"

At this point, Tentomon cut in again. "You mean during that freakin' coma? Shit, none of that--" He turned to Dr. Peckers as well. "She spent a year and a half unconscious when she got here, she muttered somethin' about nightmares before, but--"

"I'm still here!" This was yelled, but only out of need to be heard. Machi, however, didn't elaborate on these "nightmares" and simply remained silent.

[dive_npc]

"And none of that is your fault, Machi," Dr. Peckers said, his voice unwavering. "It's still something you must face, but there's a difference between fault and responsibility. Do you understand?"

[brthrs_watchdog]

Machi's mind was a jumble of thoughts, of memories that couldn't be -- from her time asleep -- and of self-constructed thoughts of hatred. The clearest was from nearly two months ago, from that horrible Wisemon's vision.

“You thought we wanted you to live?” A coarse laugh echoed in the cockpit. “Get real! You, who didn’t warn us when you could have? You killed us, Machi.”

Waku. He'd said that to her, or at least the version of him her mind created. That horrible thing that took on his appearance. And the rest of them, Ushiro and Kana and Anko and even her brother, telling her she deserved what she got--

But somehow, through it all, somehow something the real Waku was there, telling her to stop beating up on herself -- that nothing could change that she was there now, that it wasn't her fault.

"Know what? You'll be okay. You can't stay mopey forever--it's like, physically impossible."

Why is he...?

Why was he getting through it all?

Because she blamed herself the most for his death, maybe. Because he haunted her the most, maybe. Probably. Definitely.

So it was through this haze of thoughts that Machi shook her head but said at the same time, "I-I understand."

No she didn't. But she did, somehow -- like how she knew her way of thinking was wrong but couldn't stop it.

"I understand."

[dive_npc]

Dr. Peckers was wondering if she really did, but at the same time, getting her to at least say it was a victory.

"That's good... that's good, Machi. Now... I understand you had an experience in Tetha some weeks back..."

[brthrs_watchdog]

Machi swallowed. She knew what he was talking about. Eternal Nirvana.

"...I-- We were looking around for anything suspicious and we ran into two other Tamers, and there was an odd warehouse..."

Eternal Nirvana.