..The Shade Of The Sheets And Before All The Stains And A Few More Of Your Least Favorite Things..
So I have an interesting story that sums up an almost 11 months struggle. So I found out last July 26th about my heart condition and yesterday, Saturday June 16th, I went on my first rollercoaster. I had been on the tower of terror at Disney but that's not the same thing as all the pressure your body is put under with a roller coaster doing flips and whatever. I was petrified. I thought I was going to black out from my anxiety... but I faced my fear and I did it. I went on Sheikra (a crazy way to kick off a new life, right?!) at Busch Gardens. When I got off the ride I felt AMAZINGGGGG. I wasn't dizzy... which was something that I noticed straight away. Everytime I would ride coasters before I would get off and be dizzy and see black spots. Not this time. I got off and felt like I could ride it again, and again, and again! I felt new.
I always get so emotional about this whole subject because it really is like learning to live a new life. You have to make so many new adjustments to your routine that you've had for X-amout of years. But I think I have learned so much about myself this year and even all the bad things like the post traumatic stress and anxiety have helped me be this new person. I still have to work all the kinks out, but the blue prints are set and they rock, from what I can tell.
The new plan... worry less about what I can't control. I can't have caffine. Book closed. Why worry about it. You cannot miss things you don't have if you do not torture yourself with the issue. It seems like such a small issue when compared to having my heart work right. I think if I ever had to pick between the two... I'd always pick never having caffine again. Maybe one day it can pass my lips again, but I won't hold my breath. It's been a long time and I still can't have it.
Okay. I'm done blabbering about how amazing it feels to feel alive.
Love.