(no subject)
This is definalty one of those moments where I wish i was crafty. you know how people can pick up clay and mold it into beautiful peice of work that expresses their very soul. or those that draw a painting that touches the heart of even the coldest person. I wish I could do that. I know that I have giftful expressions like photography, but funny thing is I don't even use it right now.
Its amazing how life changes day to day. I know that the decisions that I hae made as far as my friends and such in the recent past are absolutly the best thing I could have done for myself but it does leave me in the place I am right now. Home, thinking about how life is. Take Hunter for instance, I know that us breaking up was a great idea because not only have I grown and learned about life, I am finally getting to see the changes in him as well. I am so excited to see his world the way he wants it. he is happy with his new home and he is happy making friends outside of me. He has noone to surpress who he is or to hold him back from his own growth. It makes me so happy to see these things in him, and it makes me know that when I have written about him, and how I was wondering if moving out was right that it was. I must hold on to the fact that when I chose this, I knew there was a large chance that I would lose him as my other half. I love him enough for this though, and it makes me know my love for him is real. I am so glad that it only took me a few months for me to really see this. My only hope is that it will work out the way that it is intended. I believe this for all things, and I must trust it.
The saddest thing to me is that during this time for me, I have acomplished so much. In my personal life as well as with school. The sad thing is for the hours and hours of work I have put into this upcoming event on Oct 2nd when I get there, and it happens there will be not one soul there to see what I have done. Hundreds of people may come through the area, and school friends will be all around but noone near and dear to my heart will be there to see what I have worked ever so hard to accomplish. Thats a harsh feeling, you know.
I seem to be everyones confidant, support and advisee, and I love that job that is why I am going to do it for the rest of my life, but really at this time I don't have anybody that I can talk to like that and its wierd. I used to have that at my disposal, and it was nice but now I get to learn the fine art of dealing with myself all by myself. I guess I should get on that...
Its amazing how life changes day to day. I know that the decisions that I hae made as far as my friends and such in the recent past are absolutly the best thing I could have done for myself but it does leave me in the place I am right now. Home, thinking about how life is. Take Hunter for instance, I know that us breaking up was a great idea because not only have I grown and learned about life, I am finally getting to see the changes in him as well. I am so excited to see his world the way he wants it. he is happy with his new home and he is happy making friends outside of me. He has noone to surpress who he is or to hold him back from his own growth. It makes me so happy to see these things in him, and it makes me know that when I have written about him, and how I was wondering if moving out was right that it was. I must hold on to the fact that when I chose this, I knew there was a large chance that I would lose him as my other half. I love him enough for this though, and it makes me know my love for him is real. I am so glad that it only took me a few months for me to really see this. My only hope is that it will work out the way that it is intended. I believe this for all things, and I must trust it.
The saddest thing to me is that during this time for me, I have acomplished so much. In my personal life as well as with school. The sad thing is for the hours and hours of work I have put into this upcoming event on Oct 2nd when I get there, and it happens there will be not one soul there to see what I have done. Hundreds of people may come through the area, and school friends will be all around but noone near and dear to my heart will be there to see what I have worked ever so hard to accomplish. Thats a harsh feeling, you know.
I seem to be everyones confidant, support and advisee, and I love that job that is why I am going to do it for the rest of my life, but really at this time I don't have anybody that I can talk to like that and its wierd. I used to have that at my disposal, and it was nice but now I get to learn the fine art of dealing with myself all by myself. I guess I should get on that...