jeans of betrayal
dear new jeans,
our affair was so sublime, full of promise!
you, on sale, not distressed, or low rise.
i snuck a peek at your dark wash whilst running
out of the store, and bought you without trying you
on, because i *believed* that you would be the jean
for me.
i foolishly believed in *us*.
and you fucked it all up.
see, i do not have swizzle sticks for hips
and i am not 6'11". rather, i am 5'4 and a size 10.
no nosrtil-blow-encrusted model, but no sasquatch, either.
i digress...
you are slightly
flaired at the bottom, so i couldn't have
rocked you unless i were rocking 17" stilletto's,
which would not at all jive w/ my
"i heart ballet flats because i drink alot
which makes me prone to falling alot"
lifestyle.
and when a woman has to do the "two-step-jean-jig-shuffle"
in order to get said jeans above her knees,
only to end up looking like she has a severe case of "front-butt",
you deserve a fiery, slooow death, jeans of betrayal.
the fantasy was sweet, albeit brief.
you are being returned for store credit,
jeans that filled me w/ such soft-pastel-pink hope.
and the new black sweater i buy in your steed,
yea, we're gonna go for cocktails and talk muchly
alotta shit about you.
then we'll go home and fuck and laugh about you in the morning,
over eggs done migas style...
our affair was so sublime, full of promise!
you, on sale, not distressed, or low rise.
i snuck a peek at your dark wash whilst running
out of the store, and bought you without trying you
on, because i *believed* that you would be the jean
for me.
i foolishly believed in *us*.
and you fucked it all up.
see, i do not have swizzle sticks for hips
and i am not 6'11". rather, i am 5'4 and a size 10.
no nosrtil-blow-encrusted model, but no sasquatch, either.
i digress...
you are slightly
flaired at the bottom, so i couldn't have
rocked you unless i were rocking 17" stilletto's,
which would not at all jive w/ my
"i heart ballet flats because i drink alot
which makes me prone to falling alot"
lifestyle.
and when a woman has to do the "two-step-jean-jig-shuffle"
in order to get said jeans above her knees,
only to end up looking like she has a severe case of "front-butt",
you deserve a fiery, slooow death, jeans of betrayal.
the fantasy was sweet, albeit brief.
you are being returned for store credit,
jeans that filled me w/ such soft-pastel-pink hope.
and the new black sweater i buy in your steed,
yea, we're gonna go for cocktails and talk muchly
alotta shit about you.
then we'll go home and fuck and laugh about you in the morning,
over eggs done migas style...