(no subject)
the texture of the chorus room walls made me cry today. i think im losing my mind. i find myself in limbo, searching for things i didnt even know existed until i suddenly realized i didnt have them. everything around me is cause for an emotion, a tear, laughter, sadness, joy...something. somehow ive ceased having the ability to be stagnant, a favorite of mine and im not sure how to approach a world thats constantly spinning. i so value being able to sit still and breathe and not care about the things around me and thats just not possible.
its kind of beautiful in a way though. in its own sweet little way, its made everything...deeper. colors are more intense, smells pull my memory, and i hear music like its the very first time. i kinda feel like ive been high for a month. which i havent, for those of you who would like to assume the worst of me. life is beautiful when everything matters, a little sad? yes...but he who hasnt found beauty in pain has yet to live.
this weekend was amazing. senior recital was long and boring and beautifully staged. dinner afterwards was the perfect wind down. slept in one of the only places thats ever felt like home and in the bed of a beautiful friend. woke up and proceeded to a day at the beach. the water was stunning and the sand was kicking up something feirce, but i called it exfoliation and chalked it up to a beautiful afternoon.
i went to a friends show when i got home from the beach. woah. so it was strange because if i had a scene, this would be the polar opposite. but i had the best time just watching. people transform on stage. i thought the way he hunched over the mic and screamed like his heart was bleeding was one of the most intensly beautiful things ive ever seen. just super intense. intensity makes me happy. its a sign of an emotionally rugged person.
went to dinner with a friend. hes a strange one. i feel like when were one on one, i connect with him on a far more intellectual level than i do with most anybody else. and thats odd considering how completely disconnected i think hed like to be.
i need a good snogging. is there anything wrong with wanting to be held and found attractive??? i dont want a boyfriend, or a friend with benefits, or a fuck buddy, or an anything really. this is my personal ad: 18yo white female seeking intellectual and visually stimulating male over the age of 15. single men only. Must be interested in tall girls and know the full definitions of snogging as well as spooning and canoodling. Apply whenever.
...if only i dont suffocate, meet me in the morning when you wake...
its kind of beautiful in a way though. in its own sweet little way, its made everything...deeper. colors are more intense, smells pull my memory, and i hear music like its the very first time. i kinda feel like ive been high for a month. which i havent, for those of you who would like to assume the worst of me. life is beautiful when everything matters, a little sad? yes...but he who hasnt found beauty in pain has yet to live.
this weekend was amazing. senior recital was long and boring and beautifully staged. dinner afterwards was the perfect wind down. slept in one of the only places thats ever felt like home and in the bed of a beautiful friend. woke up and proceeded to a day at the beach. the water was stunning and the sand was kicking up something feirce, but i called it exfoliation and chalked it up to a beautiful afternoon.
i went to a friends show when i got home from the beach. woah. so it was strange because if i had a scene, this would be the polar opposite. but i had the best time just watching. people transform on stage. i thought the way he hunched over the mic and screamed like his heart was bleeding was one of the most intensly beautiful things ive ever seen. just super intense. intensity makes me happy. its a sign of an emotionally rugged person.
went to dinner with a friend. hes a strange one. i feel like when were one on one, i connect with him on a far more intellectual level than i do with most anybody else. and thats odd considering how completely disconnected i think hed like to be.
i need a good snogging. is there anything wrong with wanting to be held and found attractive??? i dont want a boyfriend, or a friend with benefits, or a fuck buddy, or an anything really. this is my personal ad: 18yo white female seeking intellectual and visually stimulating male over the age of 15. single men only. Must be interested in tall girls and know the full definitions of snogging as well as spooning and canoodling. Apply whenever.
...if only i dont suffocate, meet me in the morning when you wake...