I need to vent
Tomorrow I have my CRP presentation which basically is a presentation of my dissertation concept. I have to have read the literature and know the information well.
It's just not coming together for me.
I know I want to write about resiliency and trauma, but all the research I've come across is so distinctly different that I really can't simmer it into a tangible concept.
Secondly Eddie's coming by the courts tonight to drop off my stuff. I'm a nervous wreck.
I've been pretty strong and secure in my decision and have felt pretty good about it from Thursday (when it happened) until last night.
I'm not sure if it's that the stress is exacerbating my emotions or what, but I'm a mess.
The idea that this may be the last time I see him is devastating to me and I tear up every time I think about it (like now..)
I'm not afraid of being alone, clearly I've done the single girl thing for the majority of my time in DC and the year before that. I'm not sure exactly what's distressing me so much. I guess I keep thinking back to how things felt in the beginning. He was so kind and thoughtful and made me feel so special. We had such a blast together and were so open with each other.
I understand that things change and people reveal their true colors but the memories don't change. That, for me, is the hardest part of letting go.
To top it off, I have to go into the courts today and face my supervisor who seems extremely stressed and was really critical of my monthly progress notes. I know they weren't my best, my head just isn't in the write place to be able to write well. I feel like an idiot.
Ugh. I hate this.
It's just not coming together for me.
I know I want to write about resiliency and trauma, but all the research I've come across is so distinctly different that I really can't simmer it into a tangible concept.
Secondly Eddie's coming by the courts tonight to drop off my stuff. I'm a nervous wreck.
I've been pretty strong and secure in my decision and have felt pretty good about it from Thursday (when it happened) until last night.
I'm not sure if it's that the stress is exacerbating my emotions or what, but I'm a mess.
The idea that this may be the last time I see him is devastating to me and I tear up every time I think about it (like now..)
I'm not afraid of being alone, clearly I've done the single girl thing for the majority of my time in DC and the year before that. I'm not sure exactly what's distressing me so much. I guess I keep thinking back to how things felt in the beginning. He was so kind and thoughtful and made me feel so special. We had such a blast together and were so open with each other.
I understand that things change and people reveal their true colors but the memories don't change. That, for me, is the hardest part of letting go.
To top it off, I have to go into the courts today and face my supervisor who seems extremely stressed and was really critical of my monthly progress notes. I know they weren't my best, my head just isn't in the write place to be able to write well. I feel like an idiot.
Ugh. I hate this.