(no subject)
well, i made an update earlier, but it dissapeared completely. kind of like i want to do sometimes.
i basically wrote that derek broke up with me. he did it completely unexpectedly and it really hurt. he said that he needed some time to be by himself and that he could not open up to people easily. i really think it was a batch of fuck that was just his shitty/easy to get out of way of getting rid of me. he acts completely different around me now. it's kind of like he is afraid of me. like afraid of getting too involved with someone who can take care of him and make him think about things that matter. it hurts me so much that people can just throw me away like i don't even matter. it's like we had nothing together to him. it's like he has just forgotten all of the words that i have said to him and moreover, he has forgotten the words HE has said to me. so i have made a decision. i will make myself happy. i will work on all the parts of me that i can't stand. i will be a very unselfish person who is sort of selfish at the same time. if that makes any sense at all. it does to me. i want to make people happy. i want to be that person who takes care of the people she really cares about and knows she needs to hold onto. i love my sister. she takes care of me and i want to give that back to her. i know she'll read this and i want her to know that. i would also like everyone to know that i have the most fabulous friends who LOVE me. THEY LOVE ME. they are really caring people who will stay at your house until 4 am and try desperately hard to make you feel better. alex even let me cut her hair. just so i can feel better. i did a really good job, too!!! i was so proud of myself. it's amazing because i haven't been proud of myself for so long. it's been way too long. it feels good. so i love my friends. i only have a very few but quality is always definately better than quantity. always.
so. there it is. that is my new undertaking. i try to be as successful as possible.
p.s. i am suspended from school on thurs. and fri. (hah!)
i basically wrote that derek broke up with me. he did it completely unexpectedly and it really hurt. he said that he needed some time to be by himself and that he could not open up to people easily. i really think it was a batch of fuck that was just his shitty/easy to get out of way of getting rid of me. he acts completely different around me now. it's kind of like he is afraid of me. like afraid of getting too involved with someone who can take care of him and make him think about things that matter. it hurts me so much that people can just throw me away like i don't even matter. it's like we had nothing together to him. it's like he has just forgotten all of the words that i have said to him and moreover, he has forgotten the words HE has said to me. so i have made a decision. i will make myself happy. i will work on all the parts of me that i can't stand. i will be a very unselfish person who is sort of selfish at the same time. if that makes any sense at all. it does to me. i want to make people happy. i want to be that person who takes care of the people she really cares about and knows she needs to hold onto. i love my sister. she takes care of me and i want to give that back to her. i know she'll read this and i want her to know that. i would also like everyone to know that i have the most fabulous friends who LOVE me. THEY LOVE ME. they are really caring people who will stay at your house until 4 am and try desperately hard to make you feel better. alex even let me cut her hair. just so i can feel better. i did a really good job, too!!! i was so proud of myself. it's amazing because i haven't been proud of myself for so long. it's been way too long. it feels good. so i love my friends. i only have a very few but quality is always definately better than quantity. always.
so. there it is. that is my new undertaking. i try to be as successful as possible.
p.s. i am suspended from school on thurs. and fri. (hah!)