Don't be scared
Why are you such a definitive person? Are you sure you know what you want all the time? Positive? There is not even a hint doubt in your face. You know where you want to go, when you want to get there and who you want to get there with. Doesn’t that scare you just a little bit? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to hide and you won’t let me… and now, its just too late.
My grandmother sent me an e-mail. She really creeps me out sometimes, it’s only because she knows me too well. She wished me well and then showed concern about my happiness, she doesn’t think I’m happy. “ It’s just my gut feeling.” she said… and you know what? She’s right. That really scares me. I think its only cause I don’t feel safe, but that’s just the way of the city. I feel like the world is coming to an end. What if George Bush is the anti-christ? I’m really scared. The world is going through wild changes , mother-nature is rioting against us, were killing our brothers and sisters over nothing! I don’t think my beloved music is strong enough to protect me from this insanity.
I’ve been having odd dreams, graphic dreams. I don’t know if I can deal with them much more. They are just too odd. I pray every night for my family and friends, my body and soul. I pray for those who need aid, those who are ill, and those who are dying. I cry a lot of times while praying. I want to do more, but I’ve been silly and decided to become a singer. Is it really practical? I’m surrounded by art majors, they don’t take their art seriously. I’m surrounded by people who are shallow, and people who pretend imitate my ways to seek immunity from their sloth.
I try so hard. Trying isn’t enough. I’m so tired right now. Idon’t know. I sat by myself at dinner today. It was funny seeing all these people sitting together at other tables. Does one really have to have human companionship, even if that means who they surround themselves with is unpleasant?
I hate cheating on diets…. It makes me feel like shit and I immediately feel my body revolting. Sadness. I don’t have a voice lesson this week. I don’t know how I feel about that.
My thoughts won’t organize.
Vissi d’arte
PL&HS
_J