My Geraldo Rivera nightmare!
Last night the very worst bogeyman I've ever had entered one of my dreams, Geraldo Rivera! It all started when I went to my local gas station which had turned into my local book store. He was stocking shelves and grumbling about how he wasn't getting paid enough while everyone cowered at him meekly as if he was Zorro or something. The place was very run down and the cashier was behind a card table while she swatted flies away from her face.
So I went to the back and found my three purchases. Assorted comics, a Little House on the Prairie book set, and a deluxe fancy looking bible marked down to $2.02. There were also comics with Jubilee's face on the cover (but drawn in the Archie/Betty/Veronica/Jughead fashion) laid out on the floor like some sort of yellow brick road. Which I guess makes Geraldo the Wicked Witch of the West and me without a Toto! Not to mention no Ray Bolger at my side with his wonderful rubbery legs:(
I kept trying to pick them up but Geraldo kept getting in my way! He was also trying to hand me stuff and make me stock shelves. But he didn't have any books at all, only cans of vegetables and when I tried to explain this to him he said "Fuck that! I'm Geraldo Rivera, you little brat!" so I bared my teeth and growled at him and did my very own patented windmill move where I flail my arms and legs about until I'm hitting him very hard and he's groaning very hard and eventually falling onto the floor very hard while cans of vegetables splatter everywhere with a magnificent splatter!
So I ran to the front of the gas station/book store and the check-out lady said "Hooray! You killed Geraldo Ri...oh wait." and then she pointed to where he was getting up. I said "Ugh, hurry and ring these up for me!" and when I saw his clod-hopping feet coming towards me I said "I'm never coming back here again! That guy is a major league creep-o!" The woman agreed and told me I should just come on the days he wasn't there and the way I would know is that he has a car with blue M&M's all over it. I then ran outside with my books to vroooom away home but Geraldo was still after me!
"Come back here, you freaking celebrity mangler!" he yelled.
"I don't see any celebrities!" I taunted him.
Our cars were parked next to each other and we got into a scruffle.....arms and legs everywhere while a cloud of dust formed. Everything was so cartoonish that I hoped an Acme vault would fall on his head but alas, it was not to be.
Finally I got into my car and shouted out "So long, sucker!"
Unfortunately that was not the end because he then got into his car and a high speed chase ensued! We hit a lot of boxes and that Britney Spears song where she dresses sort of like Sydney Bristow in undercover mode was the soundtrack for it and....
that was it.
All in all it was a pretty hellish nightmare. Well it would've been livable except for the Geraldo Rivera factor but then it wouldn't have been a nightmare and well...you understand.
Geraldo Rivera is the stuff of nightmares, a Freddy Krueger for our time. If he happens to pop into your dreams I suggest either doing the windmill move on him or insulting his ego.
Either way he'll be crying like....a really big crying thing.
So I went to the back and found my three purchases. Assorted comics, a Little House on the Prairie book set, and a deluxe fancy looking bible marked down to $2.02. There were also comics with Jubilee's face on the cover (but drawn in the Archie/Betty/Veronica/Jughead fashion) laid out on the floor like some sort of yellow brick road. Which I guess makes Geraldo the Wicked Witch of the West and me without a Toto! Not to mention no Ray Bolger at my side with his wonderful rubbery legs:(
I kept trying to pick them up but Geraldo kept getting in my way! He was also trying to hand me stuff and make me stock shelves. But he didn't have any books at all, only cans of vegetables and when I tried to explain this to him he said "Fuck that! I'm Geraldo Rivera, you little brat!" so I bared my teeth and growled at him and did my very own patented windmill move where I flail my arms and legs about until I'm hitting him very hard and he's groaning very hard and eventually falling onto the floor very hard while cans of vegetables splatter everywhere with a magnificent splatter!
So I ran to the front of the gas station/book store and the check-out lady said "Hooray! You killed Geraldo Ri...oh wait." and then she pointed to where he was getting up. I said "Ugh, hurry and ring these up for me!" and when I saw his clod-hopping feet coming towards me I said "I'm never coming back here again! That guy is a major league creep-o!" The woman agreed and told me I should just come on the days he wasn't there and the way I would know is that he has a car with blue M&M's all over it. I then ran outside with my books to vroooom away home but Geraldo was still after me!
"Come back here, you freaking celebrity mangler!" he yelled.
"I don't see any celebrities!" I taunted him.
Our cars were parked next to each other and we got into a scruffle.....arms and legs everywhere while a cloud of dust formed. Everything was so cartoonish that I hoped an Acme vault would fall on his head but alas, it was not to be.
Finally I got into my car and shouted out "So long, sucker!"
Unfortunately that was not the end because he then got into his car and a high speed chase ensued! We hit a lot of boxes and that Britney Spears song where she dresses sort of like Sydney Bristow in undercover mode was the soundtrack for it and....
that was it.
All in all it was a pretty hellish nightmare. Well it would've been livable except for the Geraldo Rivera factor but then it wouldn't have been a nightmare and well...you understand.
Geraldo Rivera is the stuff of nightmares, a Freddy Krueger for our time. If he happens to pop into your dreams I suggest either doing the windmill move on him or insulting his ego.
Either way he'll be crying like....a really big crying thing.