small talk
so today has been kinda up and down for me. started out good. i was happy.. and i always enjoy working with my second graders. some of them are sneaky little people.. and some love me which of course makes me feel good. hah. this one girl... desiree. so adorable. i want her hair. it is amazing and has volume! haha if you saw it you would understand. she asked me if i would sign her cinderella book. i felt like such a teacher, "Desiree, enjoy reading your book! see you in a couple of weeks! Ms. Bieber". hahaha. and i got hugs from several kids before i left since i wont see them next week on my spring break.
then the day started to go down a bit. i felt really tried... had an awful headache.. and had to go to a very very boring class. then as i walked back from class.. i started thinking about life. and it wasnt the oh life is great thinking... it was the opposite for some reason. started thinking about how sometimes i dont talk to people or speak up more in conversations with people when i dont think they are really listening or care. and how i get into a cycle.. of ill actually speak up and be myself and talk... but then people wont care/really be listening... so then i start feeling like maybe they dont care about what i say might be annoyed by what i say... so then i stop saying much and start to feel sad... then eventually i will think to myself you gotta put yourself out there... and then i do again... but then sometimes ill get the negative response of not listening/caring... and then the cycle starts again. that probably makes no sense to anyone.. but its more for me to get out anyway. no one really reads this anyway. lol.
so then i was feeling negative.. and then i starting thinking about how i hate living in my house sometimes. i dont feel like im welcome here.. not that anyone hates me or is mean ... but more like no one cares that i live her.. they already are friends and dont care to put the effort in to include me. bah. only 2 more months anyway. then hopefully kelsey will move in here in the summer and we can take over the house!
so as im feeling worse and worse... lindsey calls. and we talk for a half hour.. and of course she makes me feel better. because i know she loves me and listens to me. i think she cares about me most. she is one of the best things in my life. i wish she lived closer. i miss her. but now im feeling happier since i talked to her. gotta love my big sis.
enough. this post is too long.
then the day started to go down a bit. i felt really tried... had an awful headache.. and had to go to a very very boring class. then as i walked back from class.. i started thinking about life. and it wasnt the oh life is great thinking... it was the opposite for some reason. started thinking about how sometimes i dont talk to people or speak up more in conversations with people when i dont think they are really listening or care. and how i get into a cycle.. of ill actually speak up and be myself and talk... but then people wont care/really be listening... so then i start feeling like maybe they dont care about what i say might be annoyed by what i say... so then i stop saying much and start to feel sad... then eventually i will think to myself you gotta put yourself out there... and then i do again... but then sometimes ill get the negative response of not listening/caring... and then the cycle starts again. that probably makes no sense to anyone.. but its more for me to get out anyway. no one really reads this anyway. lol.
so then i was feeling negative.. and then i starting thinking about how i hate living in my house sometimes. i dont feel like im welcome here.. not that anyone hates me or is mean ... but more like no one cares that i live her.. they already are friends and dont care to put the effort in to include me. bah. only 2 more months anyway. then hopefully kelsey will move in here in the summer and we can take over the house!
so as im feeling worse and worse... lindsey calls. and we talk for a half hour.. and of course she makes me feel better. because i know she loves me and listens to me. i think she cares about me most. she is one of the best things in my life. i wish she lived closer. i miss her. but now im feeling happier since i talked to her. gotta love my big sis.
enough. this post is too long.