This better not be 5 years!
They say that it takes you 1/2 the amount of time you were 'with' someone to fully get over them. Since it was near a decade (short of about 4 months), does this mean it'll take me 5 years to get over this pain? I hope not. Part of me wonders because even though I fell asleep feeling okay, I woke up with that hollow, sore pressure in my chest and instantly had to fight the urge to cry. It doesn't help that everytime I lay in that bed, I remember what he looked like and sounded like laying next to me...or how if I rolled over to face the door, he would automatically bridge the gap and curl around my backside, spooning me. He was one of the only 2 I've ever been able to sleep with in this position.
I can't help it. Memories keep replaying themselves in my head. Just..*sigh* I'm not really sure what to do about them. Like... when I walked up to him at the airport, I felt so nervous and at the same time..I felt secure. When I saw him, we melted into an instant hug that warmed my whole body. Oh god.. why won't these memories leave me alone?
I wasn't even strong enough to delete another voicemail. I couldn't stand the thought of hearing his voice again. I knew I'd fall apart. The pathetic part of me keeps thinking, "why doesn't he love me?" or "why is it so easy to let me go?" Because really...WHY is it? Why am I not worth fighting for? It's not just the men I pick... I picked a 'good guy' this time and still wasn't worth much of a battle. What am I doing wrong? I refuse to change myself, even if I end up alone... but it still hurts to know I will never be the girl who gets chased. Am I really that awful??? I feel like it...
I'm wondering how people with children usually handle something like this. My urge is to get away for a few days - just GO and be completely alone. As is, I've basically been hiding in my room for 3 days and my family has been helping me with the kids....but I can hear it starting to take a toll. I will step up. But..a huge part of me knows that when I do that, I will move out of shut-down mode and stop dealing with the breakup, and then I'll never be able to move on. I hate that it's crumbled me so easily, but I can't be the ONLY single mom that lost her way. So how do other parents deal with pain like this while dealing with their kids? It sounds awful..but it is what it is. The other night, I got up to do something, Connor was misbehaving..and I put him in timeout. And for some reason, that small interaction made me start to cry. More memories, I suppose.. because I remembered Kyle telling me that if Connor was ever bad, to call him and he'd talk to Connor (because he did it once and Connor listened immediately). *sigh*
Will this hellish week ever be over?
I can't help it. Memories keep replaying themselves in my head. Just..*sigh* I'm not really sure what to do about them. Like... when I walked up to him at the airport, I felt so nervous and at the same time..I felt secure. When I saw him, we melted into an instant hug that warmed my whole body. Oh god.. why won't these memories leave me alone?
I wasn't even strong enough to delete another voicemail. I couldn't stand the thought of hearing his voice again. I knew I'd fall apart. The pathetic part of me keeps thinking, "why doesn't he love me?" or "why is it so easy to let me go?" Because really...WHY is it? Why am I not worth fighting for? It's not just the men I pick... I picked a 'good guy' this time and still wasn't worth much of a battle. What am I doing wrong? I refuse to change myself, even if I end up alone... but it still hurts to know I will never be the girl who gets chased. Am I really that awful??? I feel like it...
I'm wondering how people with children usually handle something like this. My urge is to get away for a few days - just GO and be completely alone. As is, I've basically been hiding in my room for 3 days and my family has been helping me with the kids....but I can hear it starting to take a toll. I will step up. But..a huge part of me knows that when I do that, I will move out of shut-down mode and stop dealing with the breakup, and then I'll never be able to move on. I hate that it's crumbled me so easily, but I can't be the ONLY single mom that lost her way. So how do other parents deal with pain like this while dealing with their kids? It sounds awful..but it is what it is. The other night, I got up to do something, Connor was misbehaving..and I put him in timeout. And for some reason, that small interaction made me start to cry. More memories, I suppose.. because I remembered Kyle telling me that if Connor was ever bad, to call him and he'd talk to Connor (because he did it once and Connor listened immediately). *sigh*
Will this hellish week ever be over?