Reconstruction - Chapter Nine
Chapter Nine
Reid took a shower as soon as he got home. He needed to clean off the entire day. Noah’s surgery had been a success and he would make a full recovery. Reid knew exactly what to look for and he did his job. There were no complications. So, why did Reid feel so dirty? He felt almost sick to stomach. Luke would not be coming over this time, yelling at him about Noah or pushing him to admit his feelings. He could just picture Luke now. Sitting next to Noah, holding his hand, telling him how much he loves him. Reid shook off the feelings he was having and turned off the water. He was imagining the sandwich and beer that he was about to devour when the doorbell rang.
He quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and went to get the door. He called out that he was coming as he entered the living room. A split second before he opened the door he hoped it was Luke.
And he was right.
“Luke?” Reid was surprised that the blonde was really standing there. As much as he had hoped that it had been Luke ringing the doorbell, he was surprised when it was. “Ah, what are you doing here? Is Noah ok? I didn’t get a page,”
“No, he’s fine. Can I come in?” Reid wanted to say no. He wanted to give Luke a chance to have a normal relationship; a normal life. Reid knew that the more time they spent together, the harder it was to stay away from him. He missed Luke, as he knew he would, but not reaching for him was almost a torture now. His heart overruled his head and he stepped aside to let the blonde come in. Luke pushed his hands into his pockets. Reid knew that this little gesture was one of Luke’s tells. He was nervous.
“If Noah’s fine, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with him?” Reid put a bit of disdain in his voice. It felt forced and he hoped that it didn’t show so.
Luke turned back to face Reid. The older man was still shirtless. As good a body as Noah had, Reid was an entirely different level. The doctor may have been a good 25 pounds lighter than Noah, but he was much more defined. Luke found it extremely distracting. He came to talk to Dr. Oliver and the sight of him half-naked made him lose his train of thought. Reid noticed Luke’s hesitation, plus his eye line, not to mention his reddening cheeks and grabbed a shirt from the back of a chair. As he slipped the shirt on, both men had different thoughts.
Luke was relieved that Reid was covering up the temptation.
Reid had a rush of warmth run through him at the thought that despite everything; Luke still found him attractive.
“What can I do for you, Mr. Snyder?” Reid asked as he begun to button his shirt up.
“I wanted, er, I needed to talk to you. About us,”
Reid swallowed hard; he was hoping that it wouldn’t come to this. That he could avoid all of this. He decided to play dumb.
“I’m not sure I know what you mean,”
“Yes you do,” Luke said plainly and Reid had to swallow to keep his cool. “The looks, the advice you’ve given me about Noah, the day that Mr. Judd attacked you and you came to my house,” Luke said with a confidence that Reid was surprised to see. When he and Luke started up the first time, Luke was unsure about them to some degree until Reid finally told him that he loved him. But to see Luke this resolute already worried Reid. This, his plan, was not going to be as easy as he thought. He may have to hurt Luke to save him in the long run. “You are feeling the same way that I am,”
“And what pray tell is that?” Reid asked and crossed his arms. He knew if he didn’t restrict his hands, they would be all over Luke at any moment.
“You’re attracted to me as much as I am to you. When I know that I’m going to see you, I’m excited; almost giddy. I feel like a 15 year old with a crush. I find myself trying to think of excuses to go to Memorial to see you. Probably why I’ve fought you so much on the new wing. Just so I can spend more time with you. You treat me with respect, despite yourself,”
“Mr. Snyder, I don’t know what…,” Reid needed to stop this, but Luke cut him off.
“Shhh,” Luke shushed him.
Reid felt frozen in place, which was why Luke was able to surprise him. Luke swiftly took Reid’s face in his hands and pulled him closer. Before Reid could protest, Luke’s mouth was caressing his. Reid wanted to push Luke away, but as soon as he felt Luke’s absurdly soft tongue on his lips, Reid surrendered. His hands latched onto Luke’s hips and pulled their bodies flush together. Luke moaned into Reid’s mouth as he felt Reid’s hard chest against his. Luke could feel the rest of Reid’s body responding to him. This was it. This was exactly what Luke wanted. To feel Reid as excited as he was; it was intoxicating. In that moment he had never felt more desired.
Noah was one thing and Reid was something else entirely. Luke was all Noah knew since he had come out, but Reid had had other men and experiences. He felt incredibly sexy in the moment, that he could turn Reid on that much. Luke was slowly losing himself in Reid’s kiss, until the older man pushed him back.
Breathlessly, Luke asked him what was wrong.
“We can’t do this,” Reid answered not looking Luke in the eye.
“Yes, we can,” Luke took a step closer, but Reid stepped further away. “What’s going on?”
“You said a lot of nice things about me, but you don’t even know me,”
“I know the important parts,” Luke quickly responded and Reid almost gasped. How did he know that?
“Mr. Snyder. I’m flattered by the praise and your obvious crush on me, but I don’t feel any of that,”
Luke swallowed at the lump in his throat and shook his head in disbelief.
“If you’re trying to be noble because of Noah, we broke up. We haven’t been together in a long time.”
“This has nothing to do with Mr. Mayer. Not at all,” well at least that was true.
“I can tell you feel the same,” Luke said and then looked Reid up and down.
“I’m a human gay man who hasn’t had sex in a while. I just had a younger man throw himself at me, of course my body was going to react,” Reid said nonchalantly. He was so cavalier about it. He could see that he was hurting Luke. The one thing he didn’t want to do. He could see by the look on Luke’s face that he was teetering between anger and embarrassment. Luke was 100% right about Reid’s feelings, but he needed to hold strong to his plan.
Luke knew he was right. The same way he knew about Noah. He could see it and feel it in every word, look and gesture from Reid. He wasn’t alone in this.
“That can’t be all,” Luke was resolute.
“I don’t know what you want me to say Mr. Snyder,”
“Don’t call me that!” Luke quickly said. This was not going the way he thought it would. “It’s just, I want you. I want to be with you,”
Reid had to bit his tongue to keep himself from saying the same back to him. He wasn’t sure what to say. So he went with his gut.
“Well, I don’t feel the same,”
“I don’t believe you. You’re lying,” Luke came back. Luke could always tell when Reid wasn’t telling the truth. Reid figured it was from living together for so long, but maybe he could always read him so well. Reid didn’t answer Luke’s accusation to lying, so Luke continued. “Fine. Look me in the eye and tell me that you’re not attracted to me. That you don’t want me,”
Again Reid had to swallow to keep himself in check. A big part of Reid wanted to throw this whole stupid plan out the window. To grab Luke, take him in his bedroom and never let him go, but he couldn’t. He was willing to sacrifice ‘them’ to make sure that Luke was happy later. So he did the only thing he could think of.
He lied.
“No, Mr. Snyder. I’m not. I don’t. I’m sorry,”
He saw Luke step back, almost stagger. He stepped forward to reach out to the blonde, but caught himself. Luke cast his eyes down, avoiding Reid’s gaze. Embarrassment coursed through him. Reid’s eyes never left him; his face.
“Uh. Wow,” Luke said quietly to himself, but Reid still caught it. “I guess, ah, I guess I was wrong,” a very quiet nervous laugh escaped his lips.
“I’m sorry I came over here and bothered you. It was stupid,” his voice was so downtrodden and broken.
“No, Luke, you didn’t…,”
“Please, don’t try to make me feel better; makes me feel even more pathetic. I’m gonna go now and I won’t bring this up again,” Luke said as he started to back towards the door. He still had not looked at Reid. The redhead’s heart was bleeding. Luke was humiliated and he just wanted out. Reid wanted him to stay. Hold him until he was able to repair what he had just done to him.
“I’ll see you at board meetings and at ah, Noah’s appointments,” Luke finally looked up and saw pity on the doctor’s face. Luke turned quickly and pulled open the door. “Good night Dr. Oliver,” he said with a hitch in his voice. Luke had reverted to using ‘Dr. Oliver’ instead of Reid. He was out the door before Reid could say anything. Luke hurried to his car as he felt the tears start to fall.
“Stupid!” He told himself as he started the car. “What would he want with me anyway?” He chastised himself. “An alcoholic, college dropout with one kidney? If I had gained any credibility with him, it was gone now. Now he sees me as a joke, just like the rest of Oakdale,”
Luke decided to go home and lick his wounds. Tomorrow was a new day and Noah still needed him, for what it was worth.
Reid made for the door but stopped himself before he turned the handle. He rested his forehead against the door and let out calming breaths. He could still smell Luke in the air and taste him on his lips. He had to push him away. This had to happen if Luke was going to have a normal life with a normal relationship. Luke had to move passed his attraction for Reid. He just wished that he didn’t have to hurt Luke to do it.
Anymore than he already did.
Chapter Ten