(no subject)
Today, whilst enjoying my last meal in California until December, I couldn't help but notice the blond guy a few tables over. And not for the reason you're probably thinking.
You see, in middle school I was involved with this after-school drama program called Panther Players. The panther being Pleasanton Middle School's (yes, laugh it up, PMS ha ha ha so funny) mascot. And one of our best was Tristan. Although fearless and confidant on stage, he was more than a little socially awkward. Kids would pick on him, but he was either too oblivious to notice or too resilient to really let it get to him. Either way, he was very amiable and a pleasure to get to know. He was never without a smile and a hug. It was reassuring for a kid like myself to be accepted unconditionally by someone, as I was at an incredibly awkward point in my life. I wanted to be different, to scream my individuality at any passer-by, but really I was just too scared that I wasn't normal enough to be normal. Tristan didn't worry about those things. And he made it so you wouldn't worry either.
This blond guy, with his untrimmed and unchecked facial hair, with his calf high white socks sprouting from worn New Balances, with his Hawaiian shirt a size too big, this was Tristan. He didn't recognize me, or if he did, he made no indication. Either way, I'd glance over at him from time to time, just to make sure it was him.
And then the saddest thing happened. I had just stuffed a piece of sushi into my mouth when we made eye contact for a brief moment. I broke it off, not wanting to seem intrusive or rude. But in that nanosecond, in that tiny fraction of a chew, I saw ... nothing. He was the same guy physically, but there was not a trace left of the Tristan I knew. He had no sparkle in his eyes; he looked forlorn almost, certainly down.
He finished his dinner and exited, and I was left to wonder what happened. Had some startling realization taken him? Did they finally get to him? Where was he?
And maybe I'm just romanticizing it. Maybe I'm just seeing what I'd prefer to see. But it's all too possible that it finally took him down, that they got to him. It just reminded me that this world is not kind to Tristans. But they needn't be kind to Colins. They can handle themselves just fine now.
You see, in middle school I was involved with this after-school drama program called Panther Players. The panther being Pleasanton Middle School's (yes, laugh it up, PMS ha ha ha so funny) mascot. And one of our best was Tristan. Although fearless and confidant on stage, he was more than a little socially awkward. Kids would pick on him, but he was either too oblivious to notice or too resilient to really let it get to him. Either way, he was very amiable and a pleasure to get to know. He was never without a smile and a hug. It was reassuring for a kid like myself to be accepted unconditionally by someone, as I was at an incredibly awkward point in my life. I wanted to be different, to scream my individuality at any passer-by, but really I was just too scared that I wasn't normal enough to be normal. Tristan didn't worry about those things. And he made it so you wouldn't worry either.
This blond guy, with his untrimmed and unchecked facial hair, with his calf high white socks sprouting from worn New Balances, with his Hawaiian shirt a size too big, this was Tristan. He didn't recognize me, or if he did, he made no indication. Either way, I'd glance over at him from time to time, just to make sure it was him.
And then the saddest thing happened. I had just stuffed a piece of sushi into my mouth when we made eye contact for a brief moment. I broke it off, not wanting to seem intrusive or rude. But in that nanosecond, in that tiny fraction of a chew, I saw ... nothing. He was the same guy physically, but there was not a trace left of the Tristan I knew. He had no sparkle in his eyes; he looked forlorn almost, certainly down.
He finished his dinner and exited, and I was left to wonder what happened. Had some startling realization taken him? Did they finally get to him? Where was he?
And maybe I'm just romanticizing it. Maybe I'm just seeing what I'd prefer to see. But it's all too possible that it finally took him down, that they got to him. It just reminded me that this world is not kind to Tristans. But they needn't be kind to Colins. They can handle themselves just fine now.