i miss marc (again)
hi. i know i havent updated you in ages,but here i am now. i know Marc goes away for one or two weeks all the time and i always miss him, but now its the big one. the trip i've known about since we first got together.......FLORIDA. for 3 monthes he will be in florida with this dad and his little brothers.i miss him so much i dont know what to do with myself, except cry and sleep. I KNOW! i know thats stupid and girly and dumb and lame, but it just happens. im so used to seeing him everyday, before work i'm with marc and im so used to getting a kiss goodbye everyday and now im not gonna get one for 3 monthes! and when i come home from work instead of him being here for me to watch Jay Leno and Conan with im all alone and i dont even wanna watch Jay or Conan. i dont know, he just makes me happy. like if i had the crappiest day at work where i just wanted to quite and say "fuck this day!" when i come home and i see him and he kisses me or hugs me or looks at me its makes it all better and i forget how crappy my day at work was.and all the time at work i would think " dont worry Dawn just 4 more hours and you'll be home with Marc" and i always brought him home food and a biggie coke with no ice and i feel so sad now cuz i have no reason to bring anything home now.the day he left was the worst. the whole day i just wanted to throw a big tantrum and tell him not to go, or just beg him to stay, but i couldnt, i cryed a lot though, they sent me home from work which was good cuz i got to see him 1 more time and we had a much better goodbye ( it was perfect) then the first time which was a disaster: ok so all day i've been hanging out with him and just getting all the last minute kisses and hugs and i love you's as i can before i leave for work, cuz when i left he was gonna go to his moms and spend the night and she was gonna take him the the airport at 5 the next morning. well i had expected my mom to take me to work and that we would have the final c-ya later at home..but no. he insisted that i have Tim take me to work, when he came to take marc to his moms, i tryed to say no but everytime i did he'd get all puppyfaced and say "pleease" so i finally said ok. so we get to my work im trying my best not to cry and im doin o.k when he says he should go inside and meet my coworkers cuz i always wanted him too ( which is true) i try to say that, that was not a good time but once again came the puppyfaces and "pleease" so i said yes he goes in i try my best to be happy and introduce him, but i fail, we hug and he says " i love you" i start to ball my eyes out i dont even say i love you back cuz im crying to much and i walk with my face in my hands crying to the breakroom. where eveyone sees me and my manager sends me home. but i get home and he comes back to get something he forgot and we have a nice real goodbye, cuz i cryed and felt better so when we said goodbye this time it was tearless (until i got back in the house of course) and nice. we kissed we hugged we mutually i love youed and he walks to the car i go on the porch and all of a sudden he runs up the porch grabs me and gives me a wonderful passionate kiss and we say i love you again and i go in the house with a smile, which unfortunately but of course turns to tears when his car drives away.the next day he called me from florida and gave me the number. and im going to visit in feb. maybe earlier cuz i want to go for Valentines Day ( it'll be our first offical one) but i dont know if i can wait that long. i miss him so much. like he has only been gone for two days and three nights, so im still adjusting to sleeping and waking up by myself and coming home from work to no one who is awake and waiting for me and not hearing " i love you" 20 thousand times a day and not saying it and not getting kisses and hugs all the time. like yeah im not gonna have sex for like ever either, but seriously i dont even care, i just miss everything else so much the last thing i think about is sex. but i know when i visit.......DAMN!!!!!!!!! thats all i have to say about that :) he'll be back though, i know. its just adjusting to being without him for so long that hard. it is gettting easier though. its hard to go out though, i just wanna stay home but he has forbidden me too i cant be " a mopey lush " while he is gone. when he was in jail ( yes jail not for anything serious, he just got screwed by the system) i drank a lot, not like sloppy drunk everynight but i would drink like almost every night. so he says none of that i need to be happy and have fun cuz he loves me and he is coming back thats what he says. and he did the nicest thing ever. its nothing but its just so sweet and cute and nice and thoughtful and nice. we have a really shiny dresser that we sometimes doodle on and erase later like a dry erase board and without me knowing he wrote "I LOVE YOU" on it and he left a note on my rabbit cage that said " i love you" and about where my head would be when i am sleeping he wrote one the wall " i love you Dawn" he really is a nice guy, like just all around as a person he is nice and sweet and caring, he can be an ass ( oh yes) but when it comes down to it, he is a super sweet guy and i love him more then i ever expected too.wow i feel like 10 million times better after typing all this. ill probably be back soon.