(no subject)
I ran across this quote today and it hit home to me, it’s something I need to realize and remember, not only for my spouse but for extended family members, friends, co-workers, even total strangers. Sometimes we extend a greater respect for total strangers than we do our loved ones. I think that is because we don’t have to live with the consequences of their actions but we do if our spouse makes unwise choices.
“Respect comes of recognition that each of us is a son or daughter of God, endowed with something of his divine nature, that each is an individual entitled to expression and cultivation of individual talents and deserving of forbearance, of patience, of understanding, of courtesy, of thoughtful consideration. True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of one’s companion.” -- Gordon B. Hinckley
I looked up what forbearance meant and the definition makes it clearer:
1. patience: tolerance, or self-control, especially in not responding to provocation.
2. refraining from action: the fact of deliberately not doing or saying something when you could do or say it
Forbearance is the complete opposite of what I instinctively want to do in a situation where someone does something against “my” will.
I have been trying to control how Jay spends money and it has driven me mad. If he buys lunch somewhere, I take it almost as a personal attack. How can he spend money on food when we don’t have enough money to buy food for the kids? “I” would never do that! We are not of “one mind” when it comes to money and I doubt we ever will be.
I’ve heard that people are attracted to their “opposite” and I think that is true in our case. I’ve read that because we usually hook up with our opposite that we should actually grow stronger because they have things that will challenge us in areas that we “need” to be. I feel challenged in this area. Because of Jay’s unwise choices, I feel that I have been forced to make unwise choices too. Well, we are now reaping the consequences, but I don’t feel like I’ve learned anything and if it happened again tomorrow, I would do the same thing. It’s maddening.
The only thing I figure is that I am focusing on the wrong thing. Instead of feeling personally attacked by what Jay does, I need to be more understanding and patient of him. I need to realize that I don’t have any control of what he chooses to do (no matter how hard I wish I could be). I may not even have much influence…but I do have total control over how I react and how I handle the consequences. Why does it seem easier to be mad and hurt and blame him for everything?
“Respect comes of recognition that each of us is a son or daughter of God, endowed with something of his divine nature, that each is an individual entitled to expression and cultivation of individual talents and deserving of forbearance, of patience, of understanding, of courtesy, of thoughtful consideration. True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of one’s companion.” -- Gordon B. Hinckley
I looked up what forbearance meant and the definition makes it clearer:
1. patience: tolerance, or self-control, especially in not responding to provocation.
2. refraining from action: the fact of deliberately not doing or saying something when you could do or say it
Forbearance is the complete opposite of what I instinctively want to do in a situation where someone does something against “my” will.
I have been trying to control how Jay spends money and it has driven me mad. If he buys lunch somewhere, I take it almost as a personal attack. How can he spend money on food when we don’t have enough money to buy food for the kids? “I” would never do that! We are not of “one mind” when it comes to money and I doubt we ever will be.
I’ve heard that people are attracted to their “opposite” and I think that is true in our case. I’ve read that because we usually hook up with our opposite that we should actually grow stronger because they have things that will challenge us in areas that we “need” to be. I feel challenged in this area. Because of Jay’s unwise choices, I feel that I have been forced to make unwise choices too. Well, we are now reaping the consequences, but I don’t feel like I’ve learned anything and if it happened again tomorrow, I would do the same thing. It’s maddening.
The only thing I figure is that I am focusing on the wrong thing. Instead of feeling personally attacked by what Jay does, I need to be more understanding and patient of him. I need to realize that I don’t have any control of what he chooses to do (no matter how hard I wish I could be). I may not even have much influence…but I do have total control over how I react and how I handle the consequences. Why does it seem easier to be mad and hurt and blame him for everything?