What is first and why some people just don't get it.
My dad keeps doing worst, he was in the hospital for several days with a pretty chronic case of pneumonia. Of course my mom tried to hide the fact that was pneumonia until too many questions made the truth come out, I tried to fly to Honduras, but was reassure the worst was over and to wait until my trip on the 28th.
My dad is home now, on a very long road to recovery as we hope and pray.
he did terrible right after the hospital though, today he had 4 liters of water pull out of his abdomen and general thorasic area, he was having problems breathing and the procedure seemed to help, he finally decided to eat without my mom fighting to make him.
My mom, she is amazing, my dad requires so much care, and my mom has devoted herself to make sure he is doing as good as possible, even if she has to fight with him to keep the diet and take his meds.
But the last few days have drained the life out of my mom, she is so sad on the phone, hardly with any energy to speak. My dad hardly speaks too, I call twice a day, in the morning to check how he slept and at night to tell him I love him and to wish him and my mom goodnight.
I hear the defeat in their voices, my dad is realizing that maybe this is it, that next week he will celebrate his last birthday and my mom is starting to also see that her partner will leave her and that maybe it will be sooner than later. That everything she knew was comforting and safe is coming to an end
I share that feeling with her.
For the longest time I have lived with the fact that, no matter what, no matter when, that if the world was to end, that if my marriage failed, that if I was to fall ill or if I wanted to run home, I could always run home. I define home as the place you feel safe, where you are loved unconditionally, where advice will be given (even if you don't want it sometimes), where somebody thinks of you and what you need, where you have been called to do better, where you can lay your head down, and know, no matter what, tomorrow will be a new day and somehow we will get thru this, that loosing your head never accomplish anything, you think then you act.
My home has meant all this and more to me, where I live now, this is a space, a space that I share with someone and that hopefully one day him and I will turn it into a home.
I need to go home now, and help my parents. It is a hard thing to do for me at the moment. This is a hard thing to sell to hubby( who is about to have a heart attack out of pure stress) , he tries to be supportive but fails miserably at it, I feel resentful about it sometimes, I would do it in a heart bit if our rolls were reversed. Isn't family more important? we can always bounce back from this.